To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

[Colleagueissue26]

NC for obvious reasons!

Work night out the weekend before last. There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money. All lighthearted discussion of course.

One of the (male) colleagues involved in the discussion was on holiday last week.

At the weekend, I received a late night DM on social media from him along the lines of ‘if you were being serious about selling your underwear, I don’t mind paying. Our secret’

I ignored it. The next morning, he messaged to apologise and said his friend stole his phone and sent it as a dare.

I don’t believe him for a second.

Would you report to HR? He is younger, early 20’s.

That’s their prerogative (to have an investigation) and OP’s if she wants that too. In my experience, if OP wants him to get a slap on the wrist for the text and for it to be noted in case it happens, then that can happen.

If your HR department hands out sanctions without investigating just because someone asks them to, they're not doing their jobs properly.

Yes, this could end badly for OP if she is then questioned about the original conversation. As the more senior colleague, it won’t look good.i wonder if having a direct word with him would work best. Having said that, if OP was feeling intimidated and uncomfortable I can understand wanting a third party involved.

But the wording of his text makes it clear that a conversation was had between them on the subject. OP can lie all she wants but I bet her colleagues will soon cave in the face of an HR investigation.

Not sure a slap on the wrist is a sanction.

You know that HR still have to make a written note on the employee's record, slap on the wrist or otherwise? Faced with that, I'd expect the lad to give HR a thorough account of what was said in the pub and for them to speak to everyone who was there. If OP persists in lying to make it look as though his text came from nowhere, it's going to look just as bad on her and she's likely to have a note made on her record too for making a dishonest complaint against a colleague. He deserves to be reported for the text but she should give them the full facts.

Yes HR should get his side.

None of that should discourage OP from reporting him.

Absolutely agree. But she shouldn't lie about her never having had the conversation in the pub, which she said up the thread was her intention.

If this message came out of the blue then of course it should be reported but it did NOT. It was a follow on from a conversation you entered into freely which you seemed to enjoy at the time.

Instead reporting, why don't you decide that you're not going to get drunk with your colleagues and talk shite with them instead?

I think we are seeing an example of the Dunning Kruger effect here

This whole posts smacks of someone who likes to think that they're a professional but actually isn't.

A professional would either take it on the chin given what led up to it or not be so dumb to talk about shite like onlyfans tto colleagues in the first place.
They'd have a few drinks to be polite then go off home.

There's quite a few posts of what I perceive to be the male version of the 'pick me' mindset on this thread, too but that's by the by.

I think what we’re seeing here is the “Fallacy Fallacy” effect.

I would not want any of the ‘subject matter experts’ on this thread to represent me as as my lawyer or HR advisor.

She is absolutely free to report him for the message however if HR do their job properly and the whole story comes out she's not going to come out of it with her reputation intact either.
Older senior female staff member gets drunk with and talks about what she'd do on Onlyfans to an impressionable younger junior male staff member is equally reprehensible behaviour and if this does go to HR and he has the sense to get a decent TU rep or other advisor it could go very badly indeed for her.

I could represent the OP in court if it gets that far. I used to watch "LA Law" every week so I have a fairly strong grasp of the legal system. If the opposition lawyer wants to cross-examine the defendant's undies I will say "objection, your honour" and the case will be thrown out.

🤣🤣🤣

This is UK law though is it not? You will need a remedial course in Judge John Deed.

Yep, agreed, I wouldn’t want any of the lawyers here to represent me either.

Don't throw out the undies, though-they can be sold on onlyfans.
According to OP, anyway.

I couldn't possibly comment.

Anyway, should anyone here wish to purchase some baggy, greying M&S knickers that are several sizes too big (for comfort) worn by a sweaty menopausal woman, you know where the PM button is.

Or Primark, if you want to be a bit downmarket.

Easy money!!

Joking. Obviously. Then again...

We're not offering.

This isn't about you anyway it's about the OP.

The fact remains, whether you like it or not, that unless the OP is absolutely truthful about what has happened she runs the risk of disciplinary action herself.

Who is the royal ‘we’? No one said you offered.

I’m responding to a post addressed to me.

I think you are responding to me. And I wouldn’t be representing you, I’d be investigating your complaint.

What's you being a male got to do with it? Does the fact that you're male mean that you have special knowledge on this that I'm guessing the largely female responders here don't?

Maybe he wants the female OP to make a fool of herself.

Who knows? It's possible. Because she will look like an idiot given the circumstances.
If the message was out of the blue, no.

I appreciate that anybody can post here, that this is not my website, I wouldn't know anyway etc, however, it's the whole 'I'm male' announcement on a largely female website.

It's like, out of the way little ladies, I'm here to put you right on this topic

Yet I bet when asked they'd all claim to be feminists. Lol.

I didn’t say you would be representing me (!)

I agree with this