To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

[Colleagueissue26]

NC for obvious reasons!

Work night out the weekend before last. There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money. All lighthearted discussion of course.

One of the (male) colleagues involved in the discussion was on holiday last week.

At the weekend, I received a late night DM on social media from him along the lines of ‘if you were being serious about selling your underwear, I don’t mind paying. Our secret’

I ignored it. The next morning, he messaged to apologise and said his friend stole his phone and sent it as a dare.

I don’t believe him for a second.

Would you report to HR? He is younger, early 20’s.

He was probably drunk and fancies you so felt daring to send you it? I wouldn’t think reporting to HR would be neccessary I would just make it known your not interested and leave it at that

• but you have engaged in drunken conversation about onlyfans and how far you'd go (selling your underwear)

(edited for typos)

I'm female, Don't report. (And don't have drunken conversations about onlyfans and how far you'd go)

Power differential? So much for feminism!!

it would become he said/I said and everyone comes out looking as though they had too much to drink then started with sexy talk. He apologised so let it go.

Yes I would report him and I have reported an ex colleague for messaging me inappropriately after a work night out. He kept insisting he came round to mine and was graphic why. Why should this be acceptable

No one should be sexually harassed, he absolutely will not have only done this towards the op

i

Similar thing happened to me (I wrote about it under a separate thread) and I didn't report it but I did address it with him directly to let him know it was inappropriate and unacceptable.

She doesnt mention being offended or any other negative feeling/consequence.

None.

Just that if she reported him, she'd leave out the earlier conversation. I wonder why.

If you want everyone to behave totally professionally with you, then it helps if you stick to behaving professionally yourself and don't discuss doing only fans with colleagues. If you get drunk and discuss porn then boundaries do get rather blurred.

Not that I believe this guy, but my phone doesn’t automatically lock at all. I use it daily to read music which might take me 10 mins to play each piece, so I have mine set up to lock only when I press the lock button. Useful too if I’m using them for a recipe, which is fairly often.

Er, no

Indeed. 😔

That’s awful. Why one earth would you do that? Presumably he would bring it up and the other people involved in the OF conversation might back him up and then you’d like a wally.

What utter bollocks

many women don’t report because so many excuses are made for poor male behaviour

women and girls have always had to explain themselves as to why men act inappropriately towards them/sexually harassed/assulted them

what they were wearing, how much they had drunk, what they did say/do in other words how did they encourage them

and now another excuse because some women and no doubt because some girls have lied or exaggerated 🙄

Definitely inappropriate to omit those details.
I do get it that women feel afraid they'll be blamed - because it happens and women are doubted.

There's a world of difference between him sending a random sexual invitation, and him sending a message that stemmed from something you talked about when drunk.

It would be an enormous lie by omission if you left that part out. And absolutely disgusting duplicity on your part.

If this was a 60 year old man texting a younger female colleague 'will you sell your used underwear to me - our secret', I highly doubt there would be so many imbeciles defending it. Jesus Christ.

Thanks for contributing.

Nope ...that's a reading comprehension challenge....consensus doesn't say her and "would be" is not present tense is it??? "A joking conversation"...you've ignored that. "Acceptable way to make money" does not state for whom?

So the mere fact of talking about it means you do it??

Is this argument similar to a mini skirt implies consent????

😂😂😂

For his friend to have messaged you, he must have told his friend about the conversation and your name. It sounds odd.

I’d report, but then my job is investigating grievances relating to sexual behaviour/assaults in the workplace, so I know how innocuous things can add up until there’s a very serious problem.

WTAF why are so many of you suggesting she protects the inappropriate pervert ? This is why men get away with it ffs

Does she need to mention the harm? Isn't it implicit...who would want that?? From a WORK colleague she must have ongoing contact with 🤢

People are also missing the detail that the male colleague didn't message OP on the same night.
The colleague messaged some time later, days, drunk on a different and unrelated occasion while away on holiday.

JFC if that doesn't scream creep then what does?!

I think that the conversation at the pub was ok, as it was a group conversation

The issue was the trying to take it further, and talking alone (just the 2 people)