For asking my partner not to sleep naked

[Em111110]

For some reason, my partner of 13 years has recently started sleeping naked. By recent, I mean the last few weeks. He says it is freeing and he sleeps better naked. There are occasions where we have fallen asleep naked in the past but we mostly wear pjs or at least underwear. The main reason is we have an 11 year old daughter, but I am also a bit of a clean freak and he is a typical sweaty farty man and it it gives me the ick sleeping naked in our sheets. My partner also doesn’t sleep well and gets up numerous times through the night, leaving the room to go for a drink, bathroom etc naked or kicks the sheets off so everything is on show. He says I am controlling for asking him to wear at least underwear to bed but I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to be naked when we have a nearly teenage daughter. AIBU?

Sleeping naked is not a problem but when there is an 11 year old child in the house, this is definitely an issue:

"My partner also doesn’t sleep well and gets up numerous times through the night, leaving the room to go for a drink, bathroom etc naked"

For someone who is well travelled and supposedly open minded this comes across harsh.
Is it so hard to imagine in some cultures, even if done, it’s not information freely shared with others?

This is so weird!

We both sleep naked, and walk around the house naked too. It's important for children to be proud of their bodies, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

I also think it's a good thing for our son to see a ' normal' woman's body. If he ever expressed discomfort, of course we'd rethink, but personally I think it a really healthy think that we are all comfortable being naked around each other. He's 10 btw.

But most adults do date and have partners throughout their adult life and that tends to involve sleepovers. I’m sorry, maybe it is close minded but I genuinely cannot understand an adult who has never heard of or encounter the idea of sleeping naked. That is very very odd.

If our 4 year olds and older can be taught to knock first and say mummy daddy is it ok to come in then not sure what your problem is

She has - after moving countries, being exposed to different cultures and more people, maturing…
You didn't really think she’d grew up in the arctic or something, did you.

Of course YABU.

You can’t police what he wears.

You have sex naked and lie in the same bed, so what’s the difference?

The only issue would be him walking around the house naked, that’s disgusting and no child wants or needs to see that.
Simply ask him to put his dressing gown or boxers on when he leaves the bedroom.
That’s what most people do anyway.

In honesty, I never would have married someone with this mindset.

At the end of the day, I'm a healthy female animal, and hence I eat, poo, shed skin cells, menstruate (and occasionally leak a bit). This is 100% normal. I think it very damaging to teach DC anything else.

If I learned my partner was telling strangers on the internet that my naked body gave them the ick and that I made the bedsheets dirty… Yeah, can’t imagine the rest of our life would offer too many reasons to stick around.

Whether or not they sleep naked isn’t ‘teaching’ their DC anything, because their DC isn’t there. Unless you’re suggesting they take up parading round the house naked as well?

Your 4 year old knocks at 3am to come in your room?

I don't know how I'm alive!! I sleep in a nightie, no pants. Husband sleeps in a t-shirt...no boxers. We are quite lax about changing our bedding. We fold the duvet down every day to air the bed. We shower every morning sometimes we put our gym gear on and shower after the gym. I've not died yet nor got some awful infectious disease... people have weird imaginations of what might happen. All that faecal matter was inside you before it came out.

Why? Leaving aside the fact that in many homes it's completely normal for everyone to walk around naked and no-one is damaged, and that nudity =/= sexual, what's going to happen if he gets a glass of water naked when 11 yo is in bed? The very worst case (and unlikely) scenario is that she happens to get up at the same moment and briefly sees her father naked.

How do you know you’ve not died, because of all those germs 🦠, you may have come back in a second life exactly the same as the first!

I mean the risks of sleeping naked, the chance of such an unhygienic pastime, you must be in dire risk of your life.

Parade?

I occasionally remember that I've accidentally left the shampoo that was delivered in our shopping in the kitchen. Or I need to get something out of the tumble dryer. My son might see me doing this.

Surely this is normal?

This thread has been quite eye opening tbh. I feel sorry for people who are clearly not comfortable on their own skin.

Are you suggesting getting stuff out of the tumble dryer naked while your son is there is normal?

See, I feel like I would've been too uncertain/shy to speak up like that, in your situation. That seems quite brave to me, for a child to go against what their parents have dictated is normal and speak up about their own discomfort.

I think sometimes parents don't realise that it can be very difficult for kids to say 'no, I don't want to see you naked anymore', especially if they sense you have the attitude that they're 'silly' for not wanting to see you naked.

Which is why I think nudity should be opt in, not opt out. It's one thing if they choose to enter your bedroom or the bathroom when you're naked, but another to just run around the living spaces naked. I imagine many older children and teens would find that quite awkward/unpleasant.

It is normal. At least in families where the sight of a naked body isn't akin to witnessing a traumatic and violent crime.

"No one wants sweaty ball smell emanating from their sheets, and surely you'd need to change your sheets as often as you wash your undies, if sleeping nude!"

Only if you regularly grab handfuls of sheet and rub it round your genitals? 🫣

No, it isn’t. And that’s really over the top. If my kids need something out of the bathroom when im in the shower and they walk in and see me naked, it’s fine, we all have bodies. If they don’t want to see me naked they can wait until im done. If I need to go get something out the dryer while they are sat watching tv then I put a dressing gown on, because it’s the normal thing to do.

Interesting.

I was naked around my children a lot, when they were young - sharing baths, changing, etc. And they were happy to be naked around me. Nudity was no big deal! But as they got older, my son began wanting privacy and not wanting to be around me if I was naked - it was nothing he said, but gradually he just indicated he desired more privacy, until at last I stopped seeing him naked and vice versa at about 10 (while my daughter still isn't bothered, in her teens).

Are you saying that I should have told him not to be so silly, and that seeing my body was natural and not akin to witnessing a traumatic or violent crime, and therefore I would continue being naked around him?

It's a little odd to frame it as though prudish, uptight parents are panicking over nudity, when actually, it's quite normal for children not to want to see their parents naked anymore.

Dh has always slept naked. It was never a problem with either small or teen dds, and still isn’t with Gdcs when they stay. He’s never paraded naked in front of any of them but equally, none of them would ever turn a hair if they happened to see him.

I've known men who sleep naked, and their genitals do rub on the sheets, unlike women's. I suppose some people don't mind that and still just change sheets once a week/fortnight, but personally, I think underwear makes a nice compromise.

Yes, of course it's normal. He is also quite happy doing the same. If he ever showed any discomfort, of course we'd follow his lead.

Do you mind my asking what you think is wrong with this? (I mean that as a genuine respectful question btw, I just don't understand this mindset)

I would not be happy if my father in law was naked in front of my children