For asking my partner not to sleep naked

[Em111110]

For some reason, my partner of 13 years has recently started sleeping naked. By recent, I mean the last few weeks. He says it is freeing and he sleeps better naked. There are occasions where we have fallen asleep naked in the past but we mostly wear pjs or at least underwear. The main reason is we have an 11 year old daughter, but I am also a bit of a clean freak and he is a typical sweaty farty man and it it gives me the ick sleeping naked in our sheets. My partner also doesn’t sleep well and gets up numerous times through the night, leaving the room to go for a drink, bathroom etc naked or kicks the sheets off so everything is on show. He says I am controlling for asking him to wear at least underwear to bed but I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to be naked when we have a nearly teenage daughter. AIBU?

Sorry OP but I think it does sound controlling asking your partner not to sleep naked if he feels more comfortable that way.

Well yes, obviously their balls will touch the sheets (in the same way as the rest of their body will), but it's not like being encased in a pair of the same sweaty pants every day.

Would you change the sheets every time you have sex? If not, it seems a bit inconsistent to worry about a bit of (hopefully clean enough) bollock skin touching them.

I sleep naked, but I don't go running round the house at night with my arse on show.

And when they express that they aren't comfortable with it anymore is when it should stop. That doesn't mean that the child should never be in a position where they could accidentally walk in on a naked parent, just that the parent might not deliberately walk past them nude.

It depends how sweaty the sheets get during sex, frankly! In the height of summer, sometimes I have - or I put down an extra sheet on top first, haha.

It does seem a little OTT, but I can understand why the OP feels that way - and if it's only a recent change for her DH, then I'm not sure why he'd be so against wearing boxers. Or at least throwing them on when he gets up in the night.

Yes it absolutely would! I had my elderly father living with me before he died and social services were well aware that it wouldn't be appropriate if he were need to need personal care, that I would do it. Thankfully he never did.

But it seems you think it's abnormal for a child to not want to see their parents naked? And prudish? Given parents with that attitude, how is a child supposed to feel confident telling them that they feel uncomfortable with what the parents think is normal and good?

I just think that, as a child who would've felt uncomfortable but potentially unable to speak up - while there's nothing wrong with parents being nude in the bedroom or bathroom, wandering the living spaces naked seems a bit too far.

I didn't say that. I said it was entirely normal to walk around naked in your own home and that seeing a nude body isn't a traumatising or terrifying event. If a child expresses they'd rather not routinely see that then the parent should acquiesce but they still might occasionally see them if they happen to be in an unexpected place at an unexpected time.

My daughter is totally unbothered by nudity, my SD is very uncomfortable around nudity, even her own. Even going to the pool, she will wear a large, baggy t-shirt and knee-length shorts. When we went on holiday to Finland, my DD, my husband and I sauna'd naked, but when SD wanted to join us, we put on swimwear. We deliberately booked a room with a private sauna for SD's benefit. When SD is at home and awake, I won't walk around naked, but if I think she's in bed and I pop to the loo, if she was to wake up and happen to see me very quickly, it would be a non-issue.

We both sleep naked! Both find it impossible to sleep with clothes on

However nipping to the bathroom or to the kitchen I put a dressing gown on and DP puts boxers/shorts on

The kids all knock before opening our bedroom door

So basically the only thing I disagree with is wandering around the house naked.

What age is your daughter? I honestly can’t imagine my daughter and partner being ok being in a sauna naked, each to their own

My dh wears undies in bed but will go from bathroom to bedroom naked after a shower obviously, it's not a random thing he does.and always has done. Kids just got used to seeing him but he did get a dressing gown for when any friends were around. It's not goid to teach people to be ashamed of their bodies. I keep mine covered but that's for my comfort.

My FiL only did it once he had dementia and was living with us. He’d come downstairs after a bath, and proceed to stand there starkers drying himself in the sitting room in front of the TV!

Dds were teens by then, and TBH just found it funny (in a sad sort of way) but at the same time they did stop inviting friends round while FiL was with us.

So if SD was ok with nudity you’d walk around naked in front of her even though she’s not your child? And you’d be fine with a step dad walking around naked in front of your child exposing himself to her on a regular basis?

It's completely normal in Nordic countries. The public saunas are sex-segregated but at home, families will sauna together and it's considered unhygienic to wear clothes. My daughter is 6.

I really don't think it's difficult to not be unexpectedly naked, in unexpected places though. It takes two seconds to throw on a robe, and respect people's wishes not to see you nude.

You are equating nudity with sex. Nudity isn't sexual. I would have no issues with my daughter being around a nude stepdad if she was comfortable with it. There are many family resorts where everyone- children included- is nude in most areas. This is not considered any sort of safeguarding risk.

Jesus being naked is not the same as ‘exposing’ oneself which is an action designed to shock and intimidate someone else for gratification.

If someone posted a thread on here that their male partner liked walking around the house naked in front of kids that aren’t theirs everyone would have an issue with it. Bending over getting stuff out of the tumble dryer while naked in front of someone else’s kid wouldn’t be ok, and it puts the responsibility on the kid to be able to stand up and say ‘I’m not comfortable with that’ which isn’t fair, and certainly doesn’t safe guard children. I think some
of you are being a bit obtuse here.

So if a stepfather groomed his stepdaughter to feel comfortable with him being naked around her, that would make it okay? I feel like that leads down a dangerous road.

I'm sure that it's not uncommon for predatory men to get a sense of sexual gratification from just being naked around women and girls, or seeing them naked. Especially predatory men who have grown up in a society where nudity is sexualised. And girls who feel uncomfortable don't always feel brave enough to speak up.

This! Especially that it shouldn't become the child's responsibility to feel brave enough to say 'no'.

He should put something on when leaving the room but surely your daughter wouldn’t just walk in? I was trained from the age of 4 never to go into my parents’ bedroom without knocking

Both DH and I sleep naked, and we keep a t-shirt/pants next to the bed so if DD comes in, we quickly put them on. In fact she knows to put them on the bed for us before she climbs in, and she’s 3!

I’m sure this has been said many times since you posted this but, what the actual fuck?

It's not grooming to be nude around a child because nudity is not sexual.

I feel like I'm repeating myself again here, but when you insinuate that nudity in front of children is akin to some sort of sexual abuse, using terms like "grooming" you are being highly insulting to whole cultures and also to families who live naturist lifestyles.

Dh and I sleep naked.Why shouldn't he have it hanging out its his bed ffs