For asking my partner not to sleep naked

[Em111110]

For some reason, my partner of 13 years has recently started sleeping naked. By recent, I mean the last few weeks. He says it is freeing and he sleeps better naked. There are occasions where we have fallen asleep naked in the past but we mostly wear pjs or at least underwear. The main reason is we have an 11 year old daughter, but I am also a bit of a clean freak and he is a typical sweaty farty man and it it gives me the ick sleeping naked in our sheets. My partner also doesn’t sleep well and gets up numerous times through the night, leaving the room to go for a drink, bathroom etc naked or kicks the sheets off so everything is on show. He says I am controlling for asking him to wear at least underwear to bed but I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to be naked when we have a nearly teenage daughter. AIBU?

Oh don't be so ridicolous you seriously think social services will be interested in a patent who walks about naked in front of their children? You are bonkers!

It doesn’t matter how much you repeat yourself, you are not correct on this. Being naked around children, especially those that are not yours, can, and often is sexual. Not always, but obviously in some situations it is.

This thread is wild! Has the best of MN- hygiene obsessives, nudity=sexual and LTB! 😁

Nudity is normal in a lot of Nordic/Germanic countries. Public saunas are naked by rule- swimwear is seen as unhygienic. Mist swimming pool changing is communal and everyone just gets on with it.

I don’t purposely parade naked in front of my teens. If it is 2am and I’m going to toilet I just go nude. If it’s 10pm and they are still awake I put a dressing gown on.

It is not sinister, it is just a naked body.

Foot massages can be sexual. Does that mean that a pedicurist or physio giving a child a foot massage is objectionable?

If someone is being nude around a child with a sexual motive, this is a problem.

Whole populations are regularly nude around children, are you implying that all of them are sexual abusers?

No, my point was that sexual abusers will groom children to be comfortable with inappropriate things. So no, I wouldn't think it appropriate for a stepfather to be naked around children, as it blurs boundaries in the children's mind, and their comfort doesn't mean it's all above board.

In most western cultures, nudity may not be solely sexual, but it is highly correlated with being sexual, and it's obtuse to dismiss that.

Ultimately, my position is simply that nudity around children and young people should be family only, and opt in rather than opt out, as it's not appropriate to push nudity on them, or make them feel social pressure to tolerate it. And I don't trust unrelated men enough to not lech, or have untoward motivations.

What are your son's views on this?

And for some of us it has nothing to do with not being comfortable in one's own skin, btw. It's about there being a time and a place for certain things.

I couldn't agree more. That's what worries me about people saying 'my kids would have told me if they didn't want to see it' - I think it's a naive assumption tbh.

OK, well, maybe go and tell all the rest of the world (including all of Western Europe) and all the family naturist resorts that they are inappropriate child groomers and all the men are leching. 😂 It will take you a while, best stop wasting time on Mumsnet.

Obviously I’m not implying that, because I very clearly said in my post ‘not always’. If you can’t understand the difference between a foot massage with a physio and a sexual foot thing with a partner then that is on you. Hopefully you don’t pass on these boundaries to your children.

My dads very comfortable in his skin but I’m glad he put something on when going to the toilet when I was a teenager as I would feel uncomfortable with that

That's not at all what I said.

I said that a child's comfort with something doesn't mean it's not inappropriate. And you're naive if you think many men won't take an opportunity to lech.

It's you that can't separate nudity within a family home from sexual nudity. Hopefully you're not teaching that to your children...but I suspect you are.

I'm quite bored of this conversation. You're stating that nudity around children is inappropriate and results in men leching. You're repeatedly sexualising it.

I'm telling you that in vast swathes of the world and in smaller communities in the UK it is 100% normal and not sexual at all.

If you feel so strongly that so many other people are abusing their kids, surely, you want to do something about it. Go ahead and transform Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, France, Germany and beyond. I'm sure they'll be really grateful to be civilised by a British person who knows better than them. Or start by trying to have naturist resorts banned. People won't think you're the one with a twisted mind at all.

No, I'm not saying that at all. Perhaps you need to re-read my comments.

But I do think that you're being either obtuse, or massively naive, by saying that a stepfather wanting to be nude in front of his stepdaughter around the house isn't a red flag in most contexts.

I'm not sure how people are launching themselves into these beds? If they are getting in by sitting down and then lifting their legs in...their bottoms, vulva and perhaps balls would be running across the bottom sheet...right?

I wash my night clothes every 2 days or so I wouldn't want that regime for my bedlinen.

If a partner is unclean as OP suggests sharing a bed where they are naked would be unpleasant.

Your posts are the most bizarre I’ve seen on here in a while. Hopefully you are just on the wind up seen as OPs not bothered coming back to their thread anyway. Clearly there’s no point in talking to each other further as we won’t agree.

But no-one has said anyone ‘likes’ being naked in front of unrelated children. Yes, ‘liking’ that could certainly be interpreted as problematic.

The pp didn’t indicate any discomfort on the part of the children, and that may be because the parents have raised the children in a safe environment where nudity is not inherently uncomfortable or dangerous. If you’re not comfortable with that, it’s fine, but you don’t need to impute nefarious intention to others who have a different cultural approach.

That’s not true, me seeing my dad naked didn’t mean there was anything sexual about it, I just didn’t like it and felt uncomfortable. Most girls o grew up with would have felt the same. Infact my friend remembers being about 7 and her dad and step mum waking around naked and she wishes they hadn’t as it made her feel uncomfortable

I can give my view to someone else, just as you can give yours to me. You don’t get to police my posts though, I’m not rehashing my discussion with another poster to you.

It's hardly worth me saying it again as you clearly can't read.

If you think that people being nude in front of children is a "red flag" you have serious work to do. So many children in so many countries where this is just treated as normal when in reality it's highly inappropriate and causing untold damage, and so many men getting off on it. You clearly don't as you're just sounding off on Mumsnet and ignoring the fact it's normal to loads of people- in and out of the UK.

I'm not responding further because I've told you. If you really think that people can't be nude without sexual intent I feel sorry for you.

JFC, I don’t know how you do things in your family but my father would often bathe us when we were small kids, my mother/grandmother aunties would get undressed and be in and out of the bedrooms/bathroom when we were on holiday or coming home from the beach or getting ready to go out. Various stages of nudity. Not a single fucking time was that sexual and to imply that nudity around kids is ‘often sexual’ is quite disturbing.

Grooming is about pushing boundaries and teaching children to keep secrets. It’s teaching them to accept inappropriate touching, or behaviour. It’s very rarely to do with family nudity. I get your nervousness if you don’t understand this, but making others out to be would-be abusers is 🤢

Oh do grow up, it’s an open forum and people can respond to whoever they want.

As I've said, non sexual nudity was normal in certain contexts in my household, when my children were young. So clearly, you haven't read any of my posts.

You're also misrepresenting what I've said, and being rather hyperbolic. So yes; little point in discussing further.

Oh I see, so you just think it's up to you to draw arbitrary lines wherever you think they should go and throw out words like "grooming", "inappropriate" and "leching" whenever they go against the cultural and social norms that YOU follow. 😂Do you know how racist that is?

Twist it all you like. It doesn’t make my opinion any more or less wrong. In my opinion a step dad regularly being naked around someone else’s children/teens doing household tasks just for the sake of it is inappropriate. There’s no need for it. If you want to allow that around your kids that’s fine, I have no idea who you are so it’s not like I’m going to report you for it.