Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

ThI’m a had to be trill post lol 😜. Op you will be lovely for a long time . So you wouldn’t date anyone who can’t cook .. ok . Lots of women don’t cook either . Focus on how he cares for you and his moral compass not his culinary skills

You sound a lot of effort and someone with a bit of a nasty side, frankly.

End it with him if this is really such a massive deal to you. But I foresee you being single for a lot longer, as you come across who is always picking faults with other people rather than reflecting on your own faults. "It's not me that's the problem, I just have standards!!!"

I think 'standards' these days is quickly becoming a synonym for someone who's never happy.

Everyone is missing the point a bit I think. If the OP were crazy about him, she wouldn't care that he couldn't cook.

You sound like you massively over value yourself and undervalue him.

Err okay princess

This isn’t low effort!
He thought about, shopped for and prepared you a meal. Not everyone take food preparation to intense hobby level, so perhaps for him, this was a good effort.
Are you dating to find someone exactly like you?

Such high standards but offer sex as a reward? You need to stay single and figure out what you do want

It sounds as though he made the level of effort he thinks you're worth. He's not that interested in you.

Definitely dump him.

Then he can be set free to go and find someone less high-maintenance who appreciates him.
You sound like a bit of a red flag to be honest.

No problem with this. You sound snobby, let him go to find someone nicer.

You sound like a twat OP

Just like Harvey's Bristol Cream!

It doesn’t sound like a bad effort. Some people are not as confident with cooking but it could have been so much worse. A persons cooking ability is surely not the most important thing about them so YABU.

There’s no way this is real, no sex after 2 months, sex as a REWARD ???

what are you, royalty

I don’t think the dinner was low effort at all. People are so fucking weird.

I think you should set him free from your very harsh judgement. I bet that this was not “low effort” from him. I bet he put a lot of effort in actually. Thought and execution. Cooking is something that people really vary at.

People don’t excel at everything. If his only shortcoming is to have prepared a lovely meal that is not as much from scratch as your exacting standards demand, then he sounds like a nice bloke.

Are you perfect? Do you excel and have great knowledge in all household matters, financial and taxation matters, gardening, driving, DIY, general problem solving, own your own home etc? I mean I can tell you that you aren’t perfect as you’ve made a horrible judgement over his cooking ability which sounds perfectly average.

Let him go. Someone else will love him. Find someone you deserve.

I think using phrases such as ‘feedback my disappointment’ and ‘redeem himself’ makes you sound like some sort of HR manager during a performance appraisal. If part of the job spec for his application to be your partner includes the ability to cook five three-course meals from scratch then yes, it’s best to communicate that now so he can either go on a cookery course to bring his skills up to the requisite level or clear his desk / toothbrush from your bathroom and continue with his search for a partner elsewhere.

You absolutely should end it with him, because you’re so determined you’re right about this that it’s never going to work out. He’s not done anything wrong but you’ve decided gyozas, curry kit and shop bought brownie is a red flag. It isn’t. It’s just different standards. Standards this poor bugger is never going to live up to.

You can dump someone for whatever reason you want, but I bet if a man dumped you because your cooking wasn’t precisely to his liking and he decided that meant you were lazy and it put him off fucking you, you’d be furious.

Jesus. First meal I made my boyfriend was a ready meal from Iceland. He was coming to mine late from work (8.30). He was thrilled so I got several in and made it sometimes with salad and a jacket spud on side.

a year on ( we live together) I literally never cook for him from scratch cos - well let’s just say no one wants that. He rustles us up fajitas every few weeks which is thrilled about. He even uses a fajita kit!
lol.
each to their own I suppose. We may be the weirdos but that’s fine cos we suit each other.

Well, if you are looking for long term then if that is his best ‘impress her’ home cooked meal then it looks like you will be doing all the cooking!
Seriously, I think I would treat it as a yellow flag - after all cooking can be learned with the right motivation. I wouldn’t ‘feedback’ but I might demonstrate the difference by inviting him for my version of home cooked food. Also, if he invited me for another, I’d say something like ‘are you actually going to cook this time or open packets again?’ Hopefully in a non offensive jokey way but being clear if he is planning more of the same then no thanks - let’s eat out.
If he wants you enough and wants to impress you, he’ll improve his cooking skills if this is something that is important to you. By the way I don’t think you are being precious. The home cooking kit is not so bad but I wouldn’t be too enamoured of a ‘home cooked meal’ designed to impress me if the majority came out of packages either.

Depends
Is he kind?
Is he easy to talk to?
Has he got manners?
Is he interested & interesting?
Is he a decent bloke?
Does he have emotional intelligence?
Do you have similar values?

I would put all the above over a purist cook from scratch person.

And if he’s the one for you, you should actually want to have sex and enjoy it with him, rather than thinking it’s a reward for him. Very weird all round. Let the poor bloke free.

That’s a bit pathetic really.

set the guy free. He deserves to find someone better for him.

How many people on this thread can’t distinguish between home cooked and home made?!

The curry was home cooked - as he presumably cooked whatever protein and veg he used in a pan, ensured they were sufficiently covered in the aforementioned spices etc. Maybe not as home made as making his own masala mix and reducing down a sauce made from passata, onion, garlic, cumin and freshly chopped coriander, but definitely home cooked.

I really love cooking. I make everything from scratch and friends and family would describe me as a bit "cheffy". I'd be absolutely delighted by this meal and accept that people have different definitions of "home-cooked". Personally, I just like the idea of someone cooking for me - shopping for ingredients and serving it up, and I wouldn't care how basic the meal is, or how many shortcuts were taken.

But I'm not you, OP and clearly this is a big deal for you.

Before you make your mind up though, can I offer a different perspective?

My mum is one of the best home cooks I know. She can turn out amazing British classics and truly authentic European/Mediterranean dishes. She loves south Asian food but has a mental block when it comes to cooking from this part of the world. She uses the spice/sauce kits referenced here and proudly refers to the food as cooked from scratch - in her mind, the pre-prepared sauce is akin to a raw ingredient.

I'm just wondering if there's a chance that this bloke cooks other things well? Perhaps you've expressed a love of gyoza and curry and he wanted to impress you but lost his nerve. Seems a bit mean to dump him on the basis of one meal - perhaps he makes a mouthwatering moussaka, or a to-die-for cacio e pepe? Maybe a chat about his food likes and dislikes would be a good next step (please do not frame this as feedback!) so that you have all the information before making a decision.

Oh, and I'd always forgive a shop-bought dessert. A lot of great cooks struggle with baking/pastry.