Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Weaponised incompetence, @WeeksJa .
Starter was bought and didn't go with the main course.
Main course OK but not a big effort.
Pudding - opening a packet isn't cooking and brownies aren't pudding or nice.

I'm a 'food as fuel' person and would not have bothered with the starter or pudding and they weren't home cooked.

You can't really like him if this is a deal breaker. So I would do him a favour and end it.

Finish with him so the poor man can find someone less precious.

Sounds to me that she doesn't know the difference between 'home cooked' and 'home made'! Greggs pasties are cooked in the shop but not made in the shop.

I feel sorry for him tbh, I would have eaten that meal. I’m just grateful these days whenever someone else offer to cook though.

So you would have been fine trading sex for a well cooked dinner??!

The quality of men described on here is generally really low and I’m always an advocate of women setting a higher bar.

But this scenario?? End the relationship and let him find someone else who is more appreciative!!

He went to the supermarket, chose what to cook and made an effort to make you a three course dinner. You’re being ridiculous.

The first meal I ever cooked my boyfriend was a curry from scratch in the slow cooker. It was a work day and we had sex as soon as we got home from work and I didn’t think to turn the slow cooker off. By the time we got round to eating it, the chicken was dry as anything and the whole thing was a bit rancid. That was six years ago and we now have a beautiful baby and a house and are blissfully in love. So glad he didn’t break up with me cause of that hideous curry!

The only red flags I see here are not the ones you do.

Poor guy made an effort, maybe he’s not as experienced or confident a cook as you, it wasn’t a cheapo ready meal FFS.

Yes, end it. Do him a favour.

Did he use the expression 'home-cooked', like, 'I'll make you a nice home-cooked meal'? I feel like someone would just say, come over and I'll cook. If he emphasised home cooking then I'd find it surprising in this situation and weigh it up against other factors.

Eg was it good quality, did he make the effort to at least add some veg / extra herbs to the curry, did he serve the brownie warm with ice cream and strawberries? Drinks that he knew you liked?

On the surface, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but I think it's important to be on the same page with food otherwise mealtimes can be difficult if you live together. Eg if he eats a lot of convenience food (hence considering this home cooked), that would not be a good match for you.

You can break up with someone for whatever reason, and if this is putting you off so much (and to the extent you don't want to have sex with him), I doubt he's the one for you tbh.

Poor bloke. And I literally never say that on here.

Tell us why you are still single and looking for “the one” OP? If you’re willing to end things over this then just do it and give the man a chance to find someone a bit more down to earth.

It’s subjective, depends on your definition of home cooked and learned behaviour - he was at home and he cooked part of the meal.

DH cannot cook at all. I knew it going in and on rare occasions when I need him to make a meal, he manages simple things like cheese toast or something frozen heated up. However, he brings so much more to the table! He fixes things, he maintains the home, he cleans, he does laundry and vacuums the carpets. He can fix mechanical, automotive and electrical things that I don't even understand. He is my best friend in the world and loves me as much as I love him. I enjoy cooking, and he enjoys the food, so it works out for us. I wouldn't trade him for a Michelin chef. Does your man have other strengths, and do you have any weaknesses? A balanced relationship doesn't mean you have to be equal at every task.

Break up with him, he’s never going to be good enough for you and he probably can do better but don’t be surprised if you remain single and never find someone who is good enough for you.

Finish it with him. You'll be doing him a big favour, he deserves someone not so superficial and judgemental

You really are coming across as more and more obnoxious as you post.

This was my fella's version of cooking.
He was never taught how to cook and honestly he didn't have a clue.
He had no confidence with cooking. 😬

When we moved in together, we started getting the Gousto recipe boxes.
He made an effort and gained confidence and had a proper go at cooking from scratch.
It took a while, and he's not Gordon Ramsey, but he will try.
And if we both cannot be arsed to cook, then he will order a takeaway to make sure we are fed.
He is a top bloke in so many ways, and despite his short-comings in the kitchen, he makes a mean omelette. I married that man. 😇

You are debating whether to
feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

If having home cooked from scratch meals is your barometer, then thats fine.
If you don't give him a chance, then thats on you. 💯
You may be lacking in areas that he finds just as important, but he will compromise on. Swings and roundabouts really. 🤷‍♀️

I would do him a favour and throw this one back.
He sounds like he deserves better.

I don’t think you’re a snob or being precious and as for ‘ pretentious’ … that’s a pitiful use of the word. But you have different standards from him and that’s a bit of a clue. If his standards don’t match you across the board you won’t feel nourished by him in others ways, not just culinarily. I guess he’s never heard of Nigel Slater.

You sound incredibly transactional.

"reward such a low effort"
I can not believe you said that-imagine for one minute it was a man saying it about his girlfriends cooking.

My wonderful cack handed husband is not a cook.
That meal would've been him making an effort.

Looking in from the outside I think it shows you as the red flag-not him.

This is about the same level as the wedges post. I just can't understand some people 🤪

Perhaps he was playing it safe with the food. How clean was the kitchen? Was there a layer of grease on the surfaces, was the sink filthy? Was there soap and a clean towel in the loo? I think these are more of an issue than taking it easy food wise.

He probably meant home cooked as in not a microwave meal or take away. Not everyone cooks from scratch.

It shouldn't be a reward for him it should be something you both enjoy.

Yes, you are being harsh. Perhaps cooking isn’t his forte?
As an aside, do you always view having sex with someone as their “reward”? What do you have to do to get your “reward” from him?

Not everyone is into cooking (I speak as a mature woman who absolutely loathes it!) so I'd be happy with the fact that someone else provided me with an edible meal.

If he works as a cordon bleu chef and gave you this, then I wouldn't be impressed, but if he's Mr Ordinary trying to do his best, than I'd be more than happy.

Having said that, as others have said, you obviously have impossibly high standards, so might be best to let him go to be with someone who actually appreciates him.

Maybe he meant "home cooked" as in he cooked it at home, apposed to ordering a takeaway?
Did he propose it would be from scratch?
Are you worried he's an awful cook of things were to progress with your relationship?