Stick your fundraiser - the hardest test will be leaving my children for so long

[LifeIsAMeatball]

I’m yet again avoiding a community fundraiser for a man’s ego. He’s cycling Africa with some friends. It’ll be tough but the hardest bit “will be not seeing his kids for three or four months.”

Give me strength. I’ve already had to endure years of the group of school dads who spent every summer on the lads “fundraising trips” - Lands End to John O’Groats, London to Paris, Africa (yeah, it’s been done already), cross Europe, some of Europe that’s a bit vague but conveniently ends in Ibiza during party season.

I’m assertive enough to say no but these things get the whole community behind them. You can’t go to the pub, shop, hairdressers or even the bloody dog groomers without someone rattling a tin for the local hero.

Meanwhile, there’s yet another woman at home about to solo parent with no plaudits - and would she even dare to argue her lot given the whole community thinks he is amazing?

This particular fine specimen enjoys free drinks at the pub to celebrate him before he leaves in 3 weeks. His wife is at home with a four week old, a 3 year old with additional needs and a six year old.

Had a colleague once who, in response to someone wanting sponsorship to do a Maccu Pichu walk for charity, replied that someone should sponsor him for taking his 14 year old on holiday to Wales. She was a difficult teen and a real challenge. I always remember this and the truth of it !

And the wife is just blindly going along with no thought in her own head? why is eveything these days men are evil bastards and women are martyred saints

donate or not but why are men endlessly blamed for eveything and yes shock horror I know women who actually do things to fundraise for charities, I know amazing innit

Start your own thread about such feckless wagons then.

Not even remotely heroic, total dereliction of duties to his wife, his newborn and his other children.

Heroic would be staying home to parent his children and giving his own money to charity.

He’s getting to do a hobby and call it community service.

This reminds me of Spencer Matthews and poor Vogue at the end of his Marathon des Sables. It's not just the event, it's the months of training .

The poster that said is this Julia’s husband from motherland 🤣🤣🤣🤣 totally picturing this episode now!

Gosh can you imagine if it were the other way round and it were the mum trying to fundraise for her trip. She’d no doubt be met with outrage that she dared to leave her 3 young children (particularly a newborn) for months, leaving poor dad home alone to do everything with three young children. Yet dad is a hero for doing it.

Ok well maybe wife is happy as he has wanted to do this forever. Maybe it's his dream. It will be hard but maybe they are happy about it

Reminded me of him too! 3 young kids at home and another on the way and he’s always off doing things ‘for charity’.

Maybe it’s his dream? Same as the several other long hobby holidays he’s already done have been his dream?
maybe he should fulfil his dreams once his kids have grown up.
if his wife is happy about him leaving her single parenting at home for months, especially with a newborn, it really shows how utterly useless he is.

I bet he’s insufferable at work and they organized it to get him out for a while.

I agree to an extent it's often men who are doing things like this.

But at the same time the woman could also do stuff like this if she wanted to? - or she SHOULD be able to, anyway.

My friend (female) is soon off trekking in Spain for a month, leaving her husband with 2 yr old and 5 yr old.

It's perfectly possible. Women can also be proactive about having these needs met and leaving the home to have adventures - we also need to drive this from within and not accept that we are the default parent if we don't want to be.

This!

Of course I can imagine it, my friend is doing it, leaving her husband with the kids for a month. He is happy and capable to do it.

In their lives and social circles it's not a big deal. There's no outrage. She has a husband who is an actual partner and as close to a 50/50 split as you can get.

There were similar fundraisers at the school/church I used to go to, asking for donations to send teenagers across the world to help with building work etc-how can they actually help?

It was always the richest families in the congregation that managed to get their children involved, doctors families, they could afford to send their children without the donations
One event in Australia , more of a youth faith event, again asking for people’s money to pay for the tickets, turned out the whole family went as an opportunity to see Australia! The arrogance of people
I’ve since left the church due to the double standards, pretending they are kind but in reality they are not.

I’m really intrigued by the logistics of this.
Who is going to transport his luggage while he cycles?
Who is going to do repairs to his bicycle?
Where is he staying?
What about visas?

Is he paying for flights, hotels, bicycle repairs etc? Or is that coming out of the money raised?

I work at a school in Tanzania. We send students on cycle trips. There is a bus carrying luggage and tents. There are people who help with the cooking. There is a repair man who goes with them. The last one was nearly washed out. The logistics for a four day local trip are a lot even with people who know the area and speak the language.

If he really wants to support the charity he could cycle round the local duck pond. He would be able to donate a much higher proportion of the money raised.

I love that idea @marcopront . Someone could set up a board by the duck pond showing which African country he has got to.

Ignore. This is surely the poster who was too cheap to pay her 60 quid marathon participation, paid 20 quid and wanted to fundraise 375 and complained in a thread that everyone wasn't supportive because it was really hard work running🙄.

There are always people who will transform their own dreams and desires into being something of social value. Deluded but since noone is telling them they are naked they keep on being emperors.

I used to get fed up of these things but in my older years I’’m more sanguine about it. So many people (mostly men) struggle to cope with the mundanity and responsibility of their lives and need to have a challenge or escape. Beats having an affair or getting in to violent protests.

Anyone watch that brilliant ‘I shouldn’t be alive’ programme? Full of men who got themselves and sometimes their families into dangerous situations so they could feel alive. I’m just happy I’m content with life and don’t feel the need.

She’s annoyed because he’s asking her for money. For all you know she might be part of a support network for the mum looking after three kids on her own.

Not always.

I am doing a trekking challenge for charity soon, and its costing me over £1000 and all money raised goes directly to the charity I'm doing it for. Same as when I did a sky dive. And various other challenges (aside from the one i got free entry to)

I do think people should be transparent though about whether they're self funding or not.

Oh 🙈 I’ve just completed a charity solo bike ride. I paid for the entire trip myself and asked for donations to a charity that affects my family

ive had a lot of supportive messages whilst away and encouragement, along with generous donations.

I didn’t realise it was annoying to people 😳 I didn’t leave anyone at home, although im a mother and grandmother, my children are all adults - who also showed support

well it’s done now and I’m home

It’s almost always men doing this sort of shit and if a woman does it she generally doesn’t have children at home waiting. People never consider who is left behind quite literally holding the baby when these egotists fuck off on their narcissistic missions to “save the world” aka avoid responsibility.

Did you leave your spouse behind caring solo for your children? If you don’t have children it isn’t as big of a deal imo.

Was it an evangelical or pentecostal church by any chance?

Edited: sorry, I ask because I am quite interested in poor fundraising practices within churches (ever since a young relative was drawn in as a student) and the Fundraising Regulator has recently begun to clamp down on what is allowed and not allowed. https://www.fundraisingregulator.org.uk/about-fundraising/resources/supporting-faith-based-charities-apply-code-confidence