AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

Purely anecdotal but I had so many people over in the first two weeks of my child’s birth, it was incredibly special watching our friends and family meet this tiny person we’d created! I was also out and about with him all the time from early on on public transport etc.

my friend was the opposite, sent a long list of rules including no one cuddling the baby and never went to baby classes etc.

now they’re both toddlers and hers is ill all the time. Mine is a hardy little monster who hasn’t been sick once in over 6 months of nursery!

Does either parent have anxiety or a phobia?

It comes down to their baby, their rules and you need to respect that. Just visit when the baby is 12 weeks old. By then the mum might welcome some practical help.

Maybe they are the relatives

I think not letting grandparents hold their own grandchild for 12 weeks is extremely hurtful. I would have very little interest in visiting anyone who gave me a list of rules. I hope friends and family remember the lack of trust and care when they need baby sitters

This.

I think if it makes the parents happy it's not harming the baby, it is their perogative.

While I agree that it’s bonkers, I actually become more protective of my newborns the more kids I had! For my 3rd, I wore him in the wrap for the first 6 months and wouldn’t let anyone touch him. Obviously excepting close family.

When my firstborn was a tiny baby, I gave him to DH to hold at church while I went to the toilet. When I came back, DH’s hands were empty and it took me a good few minutes to find out who was holding him. It was some random strangers who were taking a photo of themselves holding him!!! I was so upset.

Again, I would never deprive the grandparents or close family of a cuddle or holding the baby, but I definitely drew stronger boundaries and got more confident saying ‘no’ to people holding my babies.

A friend of mine's youngish daughter and her husband wouldn't let a family friend near their baby because she'd visited somebody in hospital weeks before..🙄

One of my fondest memories of my late DM was when she saw and held my DS, her first grandchild, when he was just a day old and she just loved him immediately.
She kept telling me how beautiful he was. (And even I, besotted though I was, didn't think he was that beautiful. 😚)
Still, a lovely memory.

I bet they won't be so strict if they have another one in a few years time, probably be only too happy to get a few moments peace. I get it that of course people should stay away if unwell, that they should wash their hands and not kiss the baby. However when I had mine i was happy to let people come round and admire and hold them for a few minutes while I had a cup of tea or went for a wee. I feel that I must have been a very casual mum when I look at some today's new parents, each to their own though

So there is some potential cultural context then? Have you checked if this is more of a normal occurrence where your sibling's parter is from?

I'd hold a baby for a couple hours a day every day if I could. I love them - a whole lifeful of potential and promise in a tiny, slightly snuffly wee soul. I adored my babies but all babies are marvellous.

My most recent tiny neighbour slept on me in the sunshine for an afternoon while her parents emptied their garage ahead of renovations. She was fretful in the pushchair and wouldn't settle, they were in a rush to get stuff done, and I had a couple of hours off.

One of my favourite photographs is of my grandmother, then in her late 80s, lovingly holding my newborn eldest dd the day she was born.

A pair of oddballs in all honesty.

You can surely understand the baby's aunt wanting to hold it, though?

Gen z get more and more hilarious, they are bat poo crazy lol.

Urgh the ‘why do you need to hold the baby’ posts come up on every thread like this and they’re exhausting.

Most people who like babies want to cuddle them. It is an essential evolutionary trait that we want to hold newborns close to keep them safe and warm, it makes sense that it’s something adult humans feel drawn to and find pleasurable. Also, humans NEED touch, it’s essential for the baby’s emotional development.

i wouldn’t visit a friend/relative if I wasn’t allowed to hold the baby. I might pop in to offer some help by cleaning or cooking or caring for older child. I’d go out for a celebratory drink with them. But when visiting a newborn (babies in hospital aside obviously) I want a lovely newborn cuddle, that’s why I’m visiting. It’s not like the baby gives a shit 😂

Exactly. Are people not educated at school these days on the role of germs in building immune systems??

This, above, is what I came to say.
They are using the rare chance to demand the family dance to their tune.

Shall we all send lists of rules to our families, wether we have a baby or not. I'm sure we can think of a few 'guidelines' we'd like to point out.

I think these "types" are not aware that billions of people have given birth and the babies have survived and thrived😂
Your baby is not THAT special 😅

@PretfeenI just would not visit! What’s the point? Of course it’s ott and very silly. It’s good for babies to mix with other people provided they are healthy. It is better for their immune systems. I’d just wait until a family gathering and duck a visit right now!

Agree with this 100%

They are being ridiculous. Alas, this sort of thing seems to be more and more common nowadays.

One of life's joys is holding a newborn. Fortunately your sibling's rules for their baby are very uncommon.

Probably did her immune system the power of good!

What a shame? A shame because an aunt wants to hold her newborn nibling? Come off it!