AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

I understand that there is a very small risk of the baby catching something (surely this risk is virtually zero if people wash hands and don't kiss and definitely don't visit while I'll though? )

But it's got to be a tiny rush.

Presume these parents wont ever let their children travel by car (risk of crash), climb trees, go swimming etc?

Its not healthy to want to eliminate every single risk from your childs life.

Is the argument that any risk, however small, is unacceptable?

Not necessarily. I told my mil about a year later when I was in a much better headspace with it all. I never discussed any of it with my exes brothers wives. It really depends on the relationship you have not your 'status' in the family tree for want of a better term. It also totally depends on the mum being able to articulate it herself which as I've explained took me a really long time to do because I didn't know anything was wrong.

If you’re a grizzly bear or a tiger yes. If you’re a human - clearly you’d be off your fucking rocker to do that. Honestly 😂

When my sis had my DN, her iron levels were so low she just wanted to sleep, so she wasn't objecting to anyone holding the baby. It was brilliant. 😈🤭🤣

That was a joke, before anyone comes at me! She would never have kept me away from DN, anyway.

Blood aunt is different from an aunt by marriage though. But I only have a sister - appreciate it might also be different if it's a brother's wife, as you don't have the same relationship you do when it's the baby's mum who is your sibling.

P.S. I don't think I held the three niblings for very long when they were newborns in hospital. Maybe ten mins. It was just nice to get acquainted/have a photo for posterity. My niece loves the story of me showing her my diamond solitaire engagement ring (had just got engaged) and her grabbing it and holding on to it, lol!

Why is anyone bothering to visit. Let the parents get on with it. The baby doesn’t know what’s going on, it’s hardly going to care.

Of course when the parents moan that nobody bonded with the child and that nobody will give them a break, you can explain why.

You're assuming they're idiots who haven't done any research. It may not even be germs. But keeping a newborn in a safe bubble doesn't mean they'll overprotect their kid for life.

And also these absolutist comments are so unfair.

My child is now a super boisterous healthy and very sociable boy who loves playing and climbing and digging in the dirt. He even eats chicken nuggets and has been known to ingest floor crumbs in the past. Loves nursery, doesn't get sick often and no allergies.

Once I understood what was going on with my mental health then I was better able to manage it but it took a long time and for me the key trigger was actually sleep deprivation. Even now years later if I get too sleep deprived I will start having intrusive thoughts again. And my anxiety will spike. Never something I experienced before having my son. Just because a new mum is struggling initially doesn't mean she's going to be a helicopter parent for the rest of the child's life or ruin them. That's a very unfair (and very unfounded) assertion used to bully new mums into adopting what others think is the 'right' way to do things.

And ironically for many of the posts on here, the more isolated a new mum is the harder it's going to be for her to overcome something like ppa or ppd. So when posters are saying "I'd just leave her to it etc" well they clearly have no interest in that mother or child's wellbeing then. In which case I'd be saying maybe they don't really deserve a cuddle.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Am imagining this!

I agree but unless I'm reading the ops posts wrong she's not a blood aunt and the father is her brother. So similar in this case. Plus again it depends on the sibling relationship. Not all siblings get on/ are close.

There's only one weirdo on this thread.

All over social media there are influencers who behave very entitled and demanding. Ordinary people copy them.

Sounds fine to me - we did similar.

And the older generation are (on average) more vulnerable than most, yet I bet these new parents don't consider that! It is true a newborn is more at risk than older children, but let's face it, they're on a ward for a few days with loads of visitors (there were literally dozens visiting the next bed when I was on the postnatal ward), they get taken to baby groups in children's centres, to the doctors, to nursery pick up for your oldest if it's your second child, so it seems really stupid.
Plus the more visitors you have, the better for mum and dad, to get some support, and mix with adults-I know you're talking about touching, but I mean the ones who ban visitors for ages.

I think it’s OTT but at the end of the day not my baby not my business. Also you can’t know the health status of the baby, they may have issues that the parents don’t want to share with you.

Also no visitors for the first four weeks is fine, I would even argue good. I didn’t want anyone apart from my mum and MIL in the very early days and I don’t think we had anyone for the first month.

Boundary 🤢 That prissy, controlling word should have stayed behind closed therapy doors. Used to be simply called saying no.

I still have trouble accepting that all this terrible harm can be caused by an aunt or a grandparent having a ten-minute hold to get acquainted with their new loved one. Assuming they've washed their hands, aren't ill, and don't kiss the baby. Those are reasonable requests, but asking relatives to stay away for weeks or months on end isn't.

It’s up to them, I must admit I can’t stand seeing babies being passed around like a game of pass the parcel or slobbered all over but no visitors (assuming they don’t have an actual infectious illness!) seems OTT. They may find that people aren’t interested after the 12 weeks passes and they might find themselves quite isolated. I must admit if I was a nan and not allowed to even see my grandchild for 12 weeks after the birth I wouldn’t be in a rush to be offering babysitting or help in future.

Agree. Unless the mother was obviously suffering from a severe mental health episode, I’d drop them from my lives. CBA with such tedious, selfish idiots. Life’s too short.

Surely there’s nothing either ‘entitled’ or ‘demanding’ about asking someone not to do something for a finite period of time?

You seem a bit triggered by the idea of not cuddling a newborn?

Yup.

People's babies aren't just about them, anyway, although I appreciate that it can feel very much like that when you've carried them and birthed them. But the truth is that babies make people into aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. It's an event in all those people's lives, too.

Babies definitely shouldn't be slobbered over! I wouldn't kiss a newborn.

You're assuming that they're the sort of people who will wash their hands, not show up ill, and won't kiss the baby. All we know is that this couple have "said no" to people coming round in the first few weeks and holding the baby in the first 3 months. It might sound extreme, but isn't it more likely that they have a good reason rather than "I saw this on social media and it seems like a great way to make one side of the family hate us"? For all we know the in-laws could be bigoted, racist heavy smoking alcoholics who are notoriously clumsy and likely to ask invasive questions about the birth and stay for days (exaggerated, but you know what I mean).

But as I said before, it's way more likely that one person is a problem, and everyone is getting the blanket ban to keep it easier.

It’s entitled if the couple expect any help from family later on in the child’s life. If you cannot let people join in the joy of your new born child - and patronisingly treat people like Petri dishes of the plague- you cannot expect people to be enthusiastic about your child later on in life.

Bonkers! Are nurses included in being able to touch baby?