AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

This is actually beyond belief. Why don’t you start with, “are babies vulnerable?” And that’s me done for the evening. I’m not answering anymore stupid questions. 🤣

So... parents with their own babies then? Why do you need to touch smell and bond 'like a primate' with a baby that isn't yours? This shows quite a lot of entitlement to someone else's child's to be quite honest.

I had my sister come and hold my baby about 8 hours after my c section. Then again I have no other family on my side and I was all alone in hospital that night as my husband to look after our 3 kids

This one in particular is hilarious:

'Please do not disclose our baby’s full name to anyone, including family members'

Is the baby in Witness Protection?

Then I’ve been doing mothering wrong for the last 24 years then because I never felt anything other than love and pride when I saw my daughters’ family (both sides) cuddle and love them.

I almost bare my teeth at anyone if they threaten my 20 year old son

The people in OP post are following NHS advice

Infant mortality in the UK has declined significantly since the 1970s due to improved neonatal care, reduced smoking rates, and better living standards, falling from over 17 deaths per 1,000 live births in 1971 to around 3-4 per 1,000 in recent years. While rates dropped rapidly from the 1970s through the 1980s, progress has slowed in the last decade.

But hey let's not learn (follow the science) and sacrifice babies to the wishes of folk for a cuddle

Agreed plus you don't know what they've seen/experienced.

Family friends of ours twins were recently in nicu extremely unwell after contracting rsv. I think if I'd been pregnant around the time that was happening it would be extremely daunting and I'd probably have been much stricter just knowing how close to death those two babies were. And they were born full term perfectly healthy. It doesn't bear thinking about what could have happened. And yet people on here would literally punish new parents for worrying about these things.

I think we're all just becoming a bunch of absolute funny buggars who relish in any opportunity to be mean and antisocial... then we wonder why children (who thrive almost primarily on comfort, security and social interaction in their first few years) are growing up f£ked up and collecting mental health conditions before they even finish school. It's sad that we can't see the things in modern society that are really damaging our children but OP all you can do is live your own life. At the very least I would wash my hands of this relative and let her come to you if she's arsed.

I think that's just new parents wanting to have the opportunity to make their own announcement to people before a grandparent gets in there and robs them of the excitement of getting to share that moment themselves. Is that really such a stretch to understand that might be important to someone?

Yes, it's ridiculous but you can think that and I can think that and it's really of no odds. They are the parents.

Over-anxious new parents are nothing new. At some point, I'm sure, they'll unclench.

It's not the sort of position I would take (my siblings were holding my kids on the day they were born). However, having a newborn is a very emotional experience and they aren't damaging their newborn or you by refusing to let you hold them so why get so upset. I'd just respect their preference.

Yes. It’s common sense to have rules that baby shouldn’t be around sick or unvaccinated people but limiting normal social interaction is concerning. This generation complains that they don’t have the “village” of the past but then do things like the OPs sibling.

"At the very least I would wash my hands of this relative and let her come to you if she's arsed"

Quite frankly if this was a relatives attitude I wouldn't want them around me/ my child anyway.

It's all very "let's support new mums as long as they're acting the way we want them to post partum and prioritising our needs over their own"

It never ceases to amaze me how low on people's priority list you suddenly drop when you dare to birth a child.

This brings back the shame of bringing my prem, oxygen dependant DS4 baby home. I allowed visitors so long as so signs of illness in past week, they wore a mask (pre Covid!), washed & gelled their hands and changed into a dressing gown I had bought specially so they didn’t wear outside jackets and put “outside germs” in baby, it was absolutely a sign of post natal anxiety and I wish someone had had a word with me!! DS4 I practically drop kicked at the post man if he wanted a hold!

I can understand it for a really small newborn (although wouldn't make the rule myself - maybe if someone a smoker or wears strong perfume or something or premature) but 12 weeks assuming a normal family with normal boundaries is a bit much. I think it's good for babies to form bonds and meet wider family members.

Groups of primates and many other animals look after each other's babies

Well I hope I’m not very judgemental about others but we didn’t do screens until about age three? It’s not recommended at all so it was an easy choice for me, but others may choose differently. Breastfed until after 2 - again it’s recommended so why not give them the benefit when I could but I totally understand how difficult it can be for others and that sometimes it’s not the right choice for the mother. Sugar - I think we delayed as in there was no reason to give them chocolate/sweets until they were older. Again why do something that’s not healthy.

Visitors were very welcome though and while I didn’t offer all and sundry a cuddle, grandparents, siblings, close friends were very welcome. Most people want to do what’s best for their kids and that can vary from family to family. They will probably relax over them and I have said you’re not unreasonable as I think they are OTT and sound a bit insufferable but lots of the their choices are based on best recommendations.

It's very important and much easier to bond with a baby if you hold him/her. It's very natural human instinct to want to hold a baby especially a very close relative.

I'd love to know the scene for all their subsequent dc.. All that snot and slobbering from the sibling... Or do they wait until the pfb can read the rules?

More and more people are becoming even bigger knobheads.

I'm kind of glad I will be nearly dead when all the kids of these ridiculous types are the "grown ups" and in charge - life will be insufferable. Feel bad for my kids though having to live amongst it.

It’s really sad. And ridiculous.

Being forced through r the birth canal and handed around loving family members is how babies build immunity and grow to be fit and healthy. Keeping them in a sterile environment is not healthy. I am very much from the school of as many cuddles as possible. My son was 2 weeks overdue and was supposed to be star player in our church Nativity. My dad had built a manger and filled it with straw and at 3 days old I swaddled him tight and put him in the manger and he slept all through the Christmas service and was passed around for cuddles afterwards. He is now 22 and I honestly do not recall him ever being ill .

🤣

It’s madness and probably damaging for the baby tbh.