AIBU to think their no-touching rule for the baby is OTT?

[Pretfeen]

Some relatives recently had a baby. They are quite a young couple in mid 20s and have set a rule that no one is allowed to hold or touch baby until he's at least 12 weeks old, not even grandparents. Before 4 weeks no one could visit. Now visits are permitted but only to look at baby, no touching.

For background baby is healthy, born full term so no issues like that.

AiBU to think this is a bit OTT and precious? Obviously it shouldn't be pass the parcel with a newborn, no kisses, wash hands, stay away if sick etc but I've never seen this level of protection before.

Obviously it's their baby, their rules and I'm not going to break them. I'll visit in a few weeks and keep my distance.

Is this a Gen Z thing? Or are they a bit extreme? I was never this way with my DC nor were any friends and relatives in my age group. We'd usually visit a week or two after and hold baby after washing hands. Maybe I'm just a bit blasé about these, I'm sure there will be plenty of sanctimonious parents in here who'll tell me AIBU

Let’s see if they can get to 12 weeks enforcing that.

Fuck that!! I was out bowling and playing pool on fri. There was a family with a 5 week old, who i cood over and got to hold whilst mum went to the loo and dad tried to stop bore holes appearing in the lane

Their baby, their rules. Most would be concerned about baby not catching any bugs. I think you have to go with it at least for the first one as often by the time the second one comes, these rules go out the window!

But seriously, I think it’s good to remember, a baby isn’t immunised straight away, so you should wash your hands before holding it, not touch their face with your hands or kiss them, especially not on their lips. I recall a story where a baby got seriously ill after a visitor with a cold sore kissed it. If you’re not well, even if you think your bugs have gone or cold sore blistered, definitely just stay away.

And their relatives have every right to tell these oddballs to piss off when they finally realise they need them for something.

Come on. My boomer MIL tells about leaving baby outside to scream, cry it out over night and weaning to solids at around 6 weeks old. I don't think judging new parents is kind or helpful.

The only time I've seen Draconian rules put into place is because they are needed.

There are usually some entitled relatives lurking with cold sores who kiss babies or cough and sneeze all over them and just can't put a small baby first and not their own need.

And it isn't intended to be. It's avoiding the BS.

@PiggyPiggy82Told by whom? No baby is vulnerable unless there’s an health issue. Obviously adults with a cold should stay away but it’s helping baby’s immune system to meet people. Too much separation is poor from a development point of view too.

While I don’t have any particular desire to hold a baby yes I think this is OTT. As the parents they can set whatever rules they like but yep I’d be rolling my eyes at this. When my kids were born I was totally happy for all the visitors to hold them, took first one out for lunch second day home and joined the local post natal group when my first was three weeks old (on recommendation of the health visitor as I was going a bit stir crazy).

Well yes, if they believe it’s worth not having a relationship with the baby because they had to wait a few weeks for a cuddle I guess so! 😌

It’s weird.
A baby is (usually) born into a family. A whole family. Grandparents who have been waiting with bated breath, aunts and uncles. No they don’t have a right to see the baby but how awfully sad and insular. Unless there are health problems or preemie issues- those moments when you can share the love are wonderful. I have pictures of my kids being held by their great grandparents that I absolutely treasure now they’re no longer with us. They would stare at their faces and talk
of who they looked like in their past. To me, treating a child like a possession and not an individual in the context of family is weird. Also having family around can be so helpful. No, not all families are the same, but outsiders can also spot when mum is struggling/ needs help etc.

Exactly. People will give up and the baby won’t know affection from anyone bar its parents.

Good for them. My youngest was in hospital due to a bug they caught at less than 4 months old. Illnesses that might be minor to adults can cause serious illness in babies. Thankfully as time passes, knowledge about such things improves. Since 1950 the infant mortality rate has dropped from 30 per 1000 to 3 per 1000, decreasing every year. As parenting continues to improve, so will the numbers.

Weird and very controlling. God help the kid growing up.

I wasnt allowed to hold my nephew until he was 5 or 6 weeks old. I didnt dare to ask before that. My mother, his grandmother, managed to hold him at about 4 weeks old.
Little did we know this was just a beginning of all the anxieties my sister has. I hope in your case it develops into a better scerio...

It’s a newborn. At three months, it barely knows the difference between itself and its mother.

It’s hilarious (and actually also fairly creepy) that so many Mners think that you apparently have to ‘pay’ for subsequent family babysitting by allowing them to hold your baby as soon as the placenta is delivered. Weird.

But this is only true if you have good relationships with all your family members. Those photos wouldn't be quite so heartwarming if it's a relative who makes you uncomfortable. Who knows what the parents are thinking, but why not just support them?

Me too. I thought he was the most gorgeous baby ever and couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to cuddle him 😂

See where’s the one foisted on me I can’t tolerate the Covid baby I didn’t meet till 6months fabulous.

Bloody ridiculous , but you already know this .
The babies in my family have been like pass the parcel and have great immune systems , perhaps as a result! We mostly washed our hands though lol

Until they start asking for baby sitting and wander why noones eager?

Are they first time parents? Maybe they're just trying to find their way and you could cut them some slack instead of bad mouthing them on the internet.

So you recommend keeping older siblings away too? Or was this just some strange bug that infects only adults and newborns? It amazes me that people can be fine with their snotty toddlers kissing the baby but granny can't touch for months.

these will be the same sort of people who post about how nobody “is the village” any more.

I would stay in touch with them via text, send a present by post and give them a bit of grace while they are being all Precious First Born, show interest etc. But I wouldn’t visit for a few months, they sound stressful.

It's about creating a bond and not living in our own separate bubbles. It used to be normal.