Screaming Child (ASD)

[BlackBean2023]

I feel I ABU but honestly, it’s driving me potty.

we have neighbours who have moved in three doors away who have a child of about 7 who I believe is ASD. He loves being in the garden and jumping on his trampoline - if it’s not raining, he’s bouncing!

however he is also almost constantly stimming vocally and it sounds like a constant scream. I’m not exaggerating when I say constant. It’s stopping us enjoying our garden, I can’t work from home with the back doors open as it can be heard on a teams call it’s so loud.

I know there’s nothing I can do, and I should think of his parents, but I miss the quiet calm of my garden in the sunshine

Surely the parents should understand that even though he can't help it, the neighbours are entitled to quiet enjoyment of their own garden, and bring him inside once in a while. I don't think you're being unreasonable as, ironically, I'm autistic and I get really stressed out at loud noises.

You can use noise cancelling headphones or earbuds to enjoy your garden, instead of having the back door open why not get a screen door for the front to make it safer or open the front windows instead.
Is he out all day or is it just very noticable when he is?

If he’s 7 he’s at school most of the day so how much of your working day is he actually disturbing?

can you not go into your office more?

I only work from home on a Monday and Friday afternoon - from 1pm (until 5pm) as my child’s primary school has a half day on Friday afternoon. She’s Y6 so I can work whilst she is at home.

This Friday the screaming started at 1.30pm and stopped at 7pm.

Poor boy will be regulating himself after school probably.

in the week it is evenings and early mornings before school. Weekends, it’s all day depending on the weather.
Yesterday it was 8am - 11am, 12-12.30, 1-3 and 4-7.
Today it started at 10am and he’s still going. if I wasn’t frustrated I’d be impressed by his stamina!

I could do all of those things but I bought a semi rural house with a nice garden for a reason - I like to hear the birds rather than have to wear headphones and I work from the kitchen which has bifold doors to the outside. He is so loud that even with a window opening you’d hear him. Like I said, it is unreasonable as he can’t help it but I’m not looking forward to the summer at all now.

I'm autistic and wouldn't be able to cope with this at all. Can you have a friendly chat with the mum and see if his stimming can be managed at all? Unless he is profoundly autistic and with learning disabilities he should be able to use a variety of coping techniques and the facility should be helping him to regulate in different ways as these are useful skills.

That sounds tough OP - my nephew has ASD and learning difficulties and couldn’t cope with such contestant sounds

No. The OP can't use noise cancelling headphones. No.

Let's start selling a spade and a spade shall and get the parents to actually bloody parent, rather than inflicting their feckless attitude towards their offspring I everyone else?

It's tough having to change things because of someone else but you aremore able to change and adapt than the disabled boy, although you are well within your right to ask the council about what the rules are in your area.
They likely moved so he could enjoy a garden space rather than in a built up area, it's just one of those unfortunate things.

Look YANBU no matter what anyone says about the parents or the child deserving upmost sympathy and support too which of course they do.

We have a child with ASD and friends of DS also with a child with ASD so well aware of the difficulties faced by parents in these really challenging situations, they had a neighbouring child also was autistic who persistently threw soiled close to adult nappies across their wall on top of the behaviours you are describing - morning to night bouncing and loud stimming.

It is extremely hard to live with and no amount of compassion and empathy for the harder life others have changes your experience in this.

Try to loop headphones and hopefully it improves.

Our friends threw a party after their neighbours moved on and it was the first party they could have in years because of the problems it would have caused with their neighbours. They had utter sympathy for the neighbour but it was definitely extremely hard for them too.

That’s a tricky one, but I really don’t think you should approach the parents about it

I thought you must be my neighbour as this sounds like my child but you said he was in the garden yesterday and we were out all day. I was almost going to apologise.

my child is young, autistic and does exactly this. Whilst I am mindful of the times he is outside, eg not too early, not too late, it’s difficult as he is a) autistic and allowed to use his garden and b) can’t help it. His brain works differently and he’s trying to communicate (non verbal).

whilst you have every right to be in your garden, so does your neighbour. And even if you speak to said parents about autistic child, they could very well TRY and talk to child but the child might not have the capability / understanding to “not scream”. I have seen OP say you can get noise cancelling headphones, I feel that may be the best route.

How would you stop my severley autistic son from screaming then ?,he does it constsntatly im assuming he likes the noise hes non verbal though so he cant tell me ,
What parenting tecnique do you think i should use 🤔
It annoys the hell out of me too, but short of gagging him theres not a lot i can do.

So niave and uneducated. Sometimes, believe it or not, young autistic children don’t have the understanding. So “parenting” and telling them not to scream, when they’re severely disabled, doesn’t work.

Well I wouldn't let him disturb the neighbours x2boys, for a start off.

How do you think the parents feel having to listen to it all the time?

Mine isn't even severe autistic (almost non verbal) but at just turned four he will do something again and again even if you give consequences etc which obviously means nothing to him.

Maybe you can educate yourself on disabilities? We don't know about severely autistic this child is. Sounds like quite severe.

I dont 🙄
But i live in an end terrace on a council estate where homes are built very closely together noise travels.
And tbf some of my neighboyrs are far more intentionally anti social then my son who hssent a clue how his behavoiur impacts others.

I mean you don't have to stop him screaming, you just have to bring him in.

I have one with ASD and would not have had him outside screaming all day because it's more convenient than having him inside, any more than I would leave my dog outside barking all day because it's more convenient than having him in.

But I guess some people don't think they need to consider others at all.

I wonder what the posters expect the child's parents to do. I would imagine that if they had a way to stop their child from screaming they would use it.

My son is severely autistic with profound learning disabilities. He is non verbal, but often vocalises very loudly. Especially when he is in the garden on his trampoline. I make sure he isn't out too early or too late. But, tbh, there are so few pleasures in his life as barely anything accommodates his extensive needs, that I wouldn't do anything about his vocalising, even if neighbours complained. He is happy, he is safe, he is in his own home, and he is doing something that I couldn't prevent even if I tried.

I know it's probably shit for the neighbours, although he doesn't go out there all the time, and when we're out, I'm always trying to take other people into consideration, which is even more hard work. But this isn't something where I would put other people's needs and wants over his, especially as the world in general never does so for him.

I have exactly the same problem OP.I feel sorry for the boy and his family but Id be lying if I didnt say it drives me up the wall. I just have to accept it though and shut the windows. If Im outside I have to put up with it.

I do wonder what happens though when children grow up

i’d certainly be sympathetic but I think it’s not unreasonable to expect his parents to give the neighbours a break, and bring him inside for longer periods. My friend has a non verbal 7yr old, with high needs, and she can sometimes start to squeal, but living in a flat, my friend does tell her to stop, or distract her. I don’t think it gives you a license to just think you can’t do anything about it and stop all neighbours from enjoying their garden.

I’d be tempted to write a note, explaining you understand that it’s difficult, but ask that some periods on the weekend are protected. I mean, they may say no, or that it’s not possible (I guess not allowing him outside could cause a tantrum that would disrupt you anyway) but if this was my child, I’d be very wary of not letting him out all day when he’s as vocal as he is.