Screaming Child (ASD)

[BlackBean2023]

I feel I ABU but honestly, it’s driving me potty.

we have neighbours who have moved in three doors away who have a child of about 7 who I believe is ASD. He loves being in the garden and jumping on his trampoline - if it’s not raining, he’s bouncing!

however he is also almost constantly stimming vocally and it sounds like a constant scream. I’m not exaggerating when I say constant. It’s stopping us enjoying our garden, I can’t work from home with the back doors open as it can be heard on a teams call it’s so loud.

I know there’s nothing I can do, and I should think of his parents, but I miss the quiet calm of my garden in the sunshine

I don’t want to approach the parents or write an anonymous note - it’s not their fault and as a PP says, he is clearly happy outside so perhaps it’s their only break. It was more a rant in frustration.

I assume that as he gets older he will find different ways to regulate and/or won’t be so overstimulated.

How is that the ops problem? Shouldn’t she enjoy her garden. I would just blast some music outside and hopefully he goes inside .

Fair enough. I can understand why you don’t want to say anything, but I do think they should maybe have some longer breaks when he inside. Can’t be easy for them, very difficult situation.

Or maybe they turfed him out so that they don’t need to deal with it.

YANBU, it's understandable why anyone would find a screaming noise that goes on for hours on end difficult to cope with. And you shouldn't have to wear headphones in your own home when you have a child yourself which I presume you would like to hear once in a while.

To those saying it isn't his fault that he's stimming ...she clearly knows that! No-one is blaming the boy. But his parents/ caregivers know that he's creating a noise disturbance yet continue to let him go outside for hours and hours on end. They could be more considerate.

To be honest OP, if you're 3 doors down there's a chance that others will complain. So maybe wait and see what happens.

YANBU what he wants to do doesn’t trump everyone else’s rights to quiet enjoyment of their house and garden. As someone who is neurodiverse then l couldn’t tolerate this type of noise from him day in and day out. It’s quite warm where l am at the moment so closing windows isn’t an option either

I have a child like this but we do go out a lot at weekends. Does the child ever go out? Maybe parents are anxious if hes a flight risk and need support leaving home. Maybe hes very violent in his regulation and its either that or they get attacked. Im glad youre not approaching it.
If my son screams in a bad behaviour way, he comes in. Its still my job to teach right from wrong as best i can and I dont want to inflict that on others. If hes happily stimming noises, we can play out. its not about anyones rights trumping anyone elses. One has understanding, one doesnt. The other perspective is... those parents mosy likely arent enjoying the garden either. Id love a peaceful rest in ours without noise, even with happy noises.

Exactly this. ND isn’t a get out of jail free card for every obnoxious behaviour.

No but it can be a reason ,its an extremely large spectrum ,and some people with autism dont have the capacity to understand how their actions impact others

This is hard. I've been in the exact same position as you. I didn't realise the child had ASD at first and thought he was just kid making noise outside at all hours. I felt awful when I realised. I never said anything. I'm not going to lie it did make our garden a lot less enjoyable place to be. We rarely ever invited family for BBQs etc (wouldn't have been able to chat and hear each other some days) The noise was at a pitch that really resonated throughout the house especially in summer when windows were open.

There is literally nothing you can do other than move house. We didn't have the option to move really but it did gradually get better as the child got older.

I know exactly how you feel though, it's such a tricky situation to be in. I really do feel for any parent who has a child who verbally stims like that, it really must be exhausting.

I wonder when it's your child and you feel such love and protection for them maybe it's something that doesn't bother you quite as much?

Sorry no advice, just understanding.

But would you leave him to scream in the garden for most of the day?
I also have a DC with autism, I get it, but I also try to find a balance between my DC’s needs and my neighbours enjoyment of their lives. Sometimes it means putting my DC in front of a screen, which is not ideal but it gives my neighbours some quiet time. Obviously not for the whole day, but more than I would allow if he was able to play quietly.

It annoys the hell out of me but he doesnt have the capacity to understand .

My best friend has a non verbal severely autistic son also with learning difficulties and would agree with you that there isn’t much consideration for him and he struggles to fit into the rest of the world and his home is a safe space where he can be free and himself.

He wouldn’t be able to tolerate loud stimming from a neighbours child because he struggles with loud noise due to sensory reasons.
They had to move from an estate because children playing and screaming in a nearby playground to the house caused constant dysregulation leading to meltdowns.

Both me and my DP are ND (he has ASD) and went through hell with noisy neighbours to the point where we become seriously depressed and dreaded being at home and on occasion even slept in the car just for a few hours of peace.
At one point I seriously considered suicide because I was constantly full of adrenaline due to fight/flight response and waiting for the noise to start up.

I think OP wouldn’t be unreasonable to request that her neighbour brings her child inside for a few hours during the day so that there is consideration on both sides.
It is incredibly difficult having a disabled child who benefits from being outdoors and stimming but if there is any way of making it easier for surrounding neighbours then in my opinion be taken into consideration.

No but ,water and being outside are the only things he enjoys
I would love it if i could occupy him with a an ipad/tablet.

Yeah I completely get that, there is literally nothing anyone can do about this situation.

I think you definitely need to approach the parents. The reality is that a significant percentage of the population has some sort of additional needs and it doesn't give someone a right to spoil everyone else's enjoyment of their home. She's lucky you are reasonable and happy to give and take but she can't just allow this constantly, it's completely unfair.

That’s grim OP. Unlikely to change. Shouldn’t have to, but I’d seriously consider moving (and only do viewings on a school morning). It’ll cost you a lot of money to move too. Shocking you’re in that situation.

The parents need to be more considerate.

Some neighbour noise, if you have them, is expected.

That is enough to tip any neighbour over the edge. And the source of the noise shouldn’t be their problem.

I’d be fuming OP.

Take him in the house.

Not the OPs problem.

Move to a house without neighbours.

The parents absolutely knew he would do this.

I would go and have a conversation with them and ask that they stop him being out so long as it’s affecting everyone I would say

no child, however disabled, should stop people enjoying their own garden or from working

Whilst I accept this is the child’s way of regulating they are the ones that are being inconsiderate and have to find a solution

Also, the parents should take the child out to play.

Just move OP.

The other neighbours must feel exactly the same, and will no doubt end up at the GP needing meds.

What should the parents do exactly?

I did have a neighbour whose DS screamed due to a different disability and it was awful. But I was well aware they couldn't do anything about it. And it was preferable to listening to upstairs blast music at all hours

I'm not sure there is anything you can do. From what you've written the noise sounds like it's directly related to his disability therefore the council etc can't do anything about the noise. It would be discrimination. It's different to say somebody playing loud music or operating equipment.

(From what you've wrote) For that child the noise he is making is just part of his body and how it works. He is a disabled person and has a right to access his garden, the same as what you do.

Severe autism is extremely hard to manage - my ds1 is severe and no autism expert at any level ever found an answer . Maybe noise cancelling headphones. It's not a really a parenting issue in the conventional sense . Fortunately I had amazing neighbours - not saying the OP isn't as I understand how upsetting it is esp if it's every day

The 2 choices aren’t screaming kids or blasting music. The normal situation is peace and quiet!

SEN isn’t a get out clause for people and children to do what they want. I appreciate this little boy can’t help it, but it’s them up to his parents to perhaps bring him in every so often so as to give the neighbours a break. Surely that’s common courtesy to those around them?

Actually, if a neighbour came to me to explain the situation about their child and said they would do their best to keep things under control, I’d have a lot more tolerance for the situation. Sometimes communication is key.