Friend’s awful dress and my reaction

[SummerFate]

A friend is mine is quite heavily into fashion and spends a lot on clothes. Some of her choices are quite bold and not necessarily what I would pick, but she has a good figure and is quite distinctive looking, so can generally pull off something a bit more “out there”.

However, yesterday she showed me the dress she has spent a fortune on for an event - and it’s hideous. Not “not to my taste” - objectively hideous. And my face reacted before my brain could tell it to keep quiet.

She could tell immediately that I thought it was awful and she looked really upset. She said straight out, “You hate it, don’t you?”, and while I tried to say it just wasn’t my personal cup of tea, it was too late. It was obvious I hated it. I said we all have different tastes, what suits her wouldn’t suit me and that I’ve seen things look amazing on her that I could never wear, but the rest of the evening was really awkward.

I’ve messaged this morning saying I’m sorry if I upset her and that I didn’t mean to, and that she shouldn’t let what I think affect her choice. She hasn’t replied.

How do I fix this? Do I just hope it blows over? I know I should have tried to hide my thoughts, but when she said she’d spent twice what I pay a month for my mortgage, I was expecting something amazing - I just couldn’t hide my reaction when I saw this monstrosity.

Pretty certain my gran made me wear this as a young child in the 80s 😂

omg. It looks like an explosion in a pelmet factory. No wonder you couldn't keep a neutral blank face.

Your friend is being sensitive. My best friend has a very different taste in clothes to me - I’m pretty loud and know fine well that most things I wear make her shudder but it’s fine! I once bought new shoes that I was in love with and she nearly wet herself laughing because she hated them so much - honestly it doesn’t even occur to me to react in any other way than to joyfully shout “but LOOK they’re so sparkly/fluffy/shiny/bright!” while she rolls her eyes and pretends to gag.

I’ve just seen the pic - it’s bloody hideous but I would wear that with such joy 🤣 especially if I knew it made my friend die a little inside if I wore it when I was with her.

Explosion in a pelmet factory! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The problem is that the OP made it all about her. Who cares what you think? That isn’t the point. Be polite and say something neutral like but instead it was more important to make it abiut you and how you felt about it.

OP what everyone is kinda saying is that if you were raised to be polite you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did and made it about you.

You have fallen into the trap of a fashionista. I never fail to understand how so many of them that have tons of money manage to be so badly turned out. Money does not always equal what actually suits a person.

However, she trusts you enough to show you and, therefore clearly values your opinion not to make her feel stupid at an Event. If the dress had suited her, you would have bowed to that rather than show dissatisfaction. All good with that and deep down she will know it.

The problem might be that she does not have a back up dress and hence the silence.

The Event is clearly very important to her. Maybe Google beforehand the next time you are asked to give an opinion to see what is expected. I would though, stand by what I said earlier, that she values your opinion and wants to look her best and is relying on you for that. Insecure people will reach out.

I think you are a great friend and do not worry.

It really is an awful dress. Very hard not to react. My friend once laughed at my scarf and I still speak to her. Plus I still wear the scarf!

I'd appreciate your honesty. Sometimes, we buy fantastic and fantasy frocks that just don't suit. A good friend ensures we know..

In true MN style you’re going to get roasted. Ignore the ones who are just here to be mean. I’ve read a few already. You didn’t do anything awful. Next time be ready to tell your face not to react.

You're right - it's hideous. Maybe it looks good on her, but I can understand how you could have a spontaneous reaction.

I wonder if the model is embarrassed to wear it. Her head is cut off in every shot.

It is hideous, I wouldn't even pick it up let alone buy it and wear it.

If she's known to be out there, then surely she would be used to people not actually liking things she owns and wears?

And OP, I don't have a great poker face either.

Now that I’ve seen the dress I understand you more I wouldn’t be able either , not as a first look sort of thing . You apologised so leave it be she will be ok

She isn't 100% sure about it herself, otherwise she would not have been upset by your comments.

You would presumably have to ask the friend why she was asking for OP's opinion. I haven't seen anything suggesting she needed OP's permission for anything?

Unusual is one thing. Actively hideous is definitely something else.

You apologise for saying unkind things but still stand by them? Are you apologising again, then?

It's in the sale now at £967. I hope your friend didn't pay full price. And your reaction was correct!

I think I would have had a problem controlling my face if my friend turned up in that dress too. There is a difference of taste and just fucking hideous, that dress is definitely the later. Having said that I’m sorry your friend is upset as it is her choice what she wears.

This ^

If you might not like the answer... don't ask the question!

FFS, OP had a fleeting spontaneous reaction which she regretted and hid as soon as possible. How on earth was that making it all about her?

That dress is truly fucking hideous 😂

Came here to say the same about the prom dress in Never Been Kissed 😅

If you spend a lot of money on something you know is “out there” and ask a friend you know well for her opinion who doesn’t wear stuff like that, what do you expect?

Really I wouldn’t worry, OP. You clearly weren’t being malicious. She should learn to stand by her own judgement. Or donate the money to a good cause instead…