Fed up with ladish DP and his mate

[Hauelzk]

Couples night out yesterday - we got the train to the next city, and got the last one home. A boozy evening, really nice time.

DP and this particular friend are big in to their football and can be a bit ‘ladish’ after a few drinks. I roll me eyes usually as does his mates wife.

The station platform was really busy and a staff member was trying to move people. He did become a bit abrupt and some people accused him of being rude, I think he was just stressed.

Anyway, he kind of tripped and just about stopped himself from falling over.

Lots of people cheered, and then DP and his mate started a football chant aimed at him - “you fat bastard” which some others joined in with.

I felt sorry for the bloke. DP says he was being rude so got some deserved stick and it was ‘only lighthearted’.

Am I being a killjoy as he put it?

I think she's coming round.

Lust can be an annoyingly powerful drug, especially when young. At least she's asking the right questions and getting the right answers here.

I'm not young btw, and haven't had a lustful urge for a long time now!

He's not laddish, he's a prick.

There's a difference between "robust banter" with your mates and possibly colleagues on a building site (although I think that's also unacceptable) and being a nasty bully to strangers.

He's simply not a nice person.

There will be people at his work, especially the victims of his bullying, who hate him and hate the culture of "robust banter".

It's definitely not everyone who works in construction, tradesmen are humans and should expect mutual respect at work.

I used to work in a male dominated environment, so can give as good as I get on the banter front but it only went on between consenting adults who all knew each other.

Your partner is a nasty bully, how can you even stand to look at him? There is absolutely NOTHING lighthearted about fat shaming a stranger. If my DH spoke to a stranger, who was just doing his job, like that I would have torn a strip off him right there in front of everyone and gone over and spoken to the poor station worker to make it absolutely clear I did not agree with my partner. And my partner would not have been coming into the house when he got back.

Does he speak to you like that @Hauelzk? Does he treat you like rubbish too? All because his job "banter" spills over into his private life? Utterly unnacceptable. Please have a good hard think if you are excusing the way he treats you too and leave him. Are there children involved to consider? If not, please don't have children with someone who thinks it's okay to humiliate a stranger.

He started chanting "you fat bastard" at a stranger who was doing his job?

Perhaps when he's working someone can start a chant of "you bullying knobhead"?

Spot on.

Lust can be an annoyingly powerful drug, especially when young.

Yeah, women can think with their fannies just as much as men think with their cocks.

Now, let’s think. Would he have done this had he been on his own? Would he had done this if the railway guy had a security detail of three behind him? If the answer to both of those is ‘no’, it isn’t ‘banter’ it’s bullying plain and simple. Pick a victim and make him feel like shit.

Not only is this awful for the man doing his job (no wonder no one wants to work with the public) but it’s intimidating for everyone else on the platform - women, older people, young people. It’s why I hate getting on trains with football crowds and hate getting late trains home.

I couldn’t imagine any circumstances where I would want to be associated with a lout like this.

He’s a dick, his mate is a dick and I’m sure they have a reel of excuses for why they’re dicks. I know so many men in “male dominated” industries who wouldn’t behave so cruelly, drunk or otherwise. But sure, he can hide behind his job, his mates, probably his upbringing, anyone but him for his shockingly poor behaviour right?

I can only hope he treats you more respectfully, but I suspect not.

Your boyfriend is a disgusting human, and the fact you don’t see that says a lot about you.

He sounds insufferable. He will get his comeuppance some day, no doubt. Had my DH been there, he would have challenged him for sure.

Your partner is a bully.

Your husband is not laddish - he is a nasty bully.

Now, let’s think. Would he have done this had he been on his own? Would he had done this if the railway guy had a security detail of three behind him? If the answer to both of those is ‘no’, it isn’t ‘banter’ it’s bullying plain and simple. Pick a victim and make him feel like shit.

Spot on

You’re going out with yob.
And as bad as they were giving the guard a time there was everyone else having to listen to two mouthy morons and worrying about the aggression. Horrible.

It is deeply unattractive behaviour.

That wasn't banter. He was being a bully and was verbally harassing and abusing another human being who was unable to defend themselves or unable to walk away. What a horrible person your partner is OP. Don't excuse his behaviour otherwise one day he will turn his "banter" onto you. Would you laugh?

He sounds awful - dim and a bully. Your bar is so low

Usual question from me. Why do you stay with this manchild?

Getting a mental image of a twat wearing Stone Island that thinks he's the boy.
When he's a two bit prick.

I work in construction and that sort of outdated, bullying behaviour is not tolerated. It’s not ‘banter’ it’s bullying.

Awful bullying behaviour from a grown man. I couldn’t be with someone like that.

Get him to stop and think about it for a second.

How would he react if people started chanting that at you, would he join in, consider it banter?

Yeah, thought not.

yah love a bit of bullying to someone doing their job

how old is your partner he shoujld grow the fuck up

Don’t let him turn it around on you by saying you are a killjoy! I find it infuriating these ‘men’ have such little emotional intelligence that they are unable to own their bad behaviour and at the very least apologise! It’s always everyone else’s fault never their own! Frankly they need a boot up the arse into adulthood

Wow- how embarrassing for you to be with him. If he’d been a stranger, I’d have challenged his behaviour, a partner, I’d be mortified/ devastated/ distraught at the inevitable breakup.