To not consider this “family money”

[ImNotSharing]

I will shortly be receiving a large sum of money (large to me). It is a compensation payment.

Our finances are joint and DH considers it family money. I do not. AIBU?

Happy to answer questions but I’m mainly here for the vote.

Family money.

Family money. If there’s that much, surely you could treat yourself as well as putting some aside for your kids?

I think this is it and why so many think family money, I can’t imagine getting loads of new clothes, spunking it on a hobby, spending a large sum all on me, whilst not sharing with my family and continuing to habe my husband subsidise me,

If our finances are joint I would consider it joint money. However if it was my husband receiving compensation I would be completely fine and expect him to spend most if it on himself, and I hope he would feel the same vice versa. The exception to this, would be if we were struggling for money or with debt.

clearly no longer! You only want to have access to your earned money?

I’d probably want some to “treat” myself but then I’d class it as family money.

It depends tbh

If you’re in the UK, you generally only get compensation to put you back in the position you would be in had the error not occurred (as opposed to shit loads of money for funsies).

So I am working with the assumption that you are essentially just getting the costs you have incurred back, as opposed to a significant windfall.

In that case I’d probably mostly see it as family money eg whilst you had lost your wages, where would your income at the time had gone, how would that have been split, were funds reallocated from elsewhere to support your lost wages etc. Just say you had to dip into savings to stay afloat, I would then top the savings back up sort of thing. Or, if you had to
miss out on certain things or experiences, prioritising those.

But if it’s a case where your lost income would have just been treat money for yourself back then and not used on family things anyway, crack on I suppose.

It's your money. But only if you have been contributing equally to household expenses up till now.

If it’s as large amount as you’re making out, I’m not sure why you can’t do both? How much money can you really spend away on clothes?

It would be joint money in my household. Presumably you expect his larger income to be family money? I do in my marriage. It works both ways. However, i would probably ring fence a percentage for something nice that is just for me.

Do you consider inheritance to be family money or seperate?

Has the rest of the family been affected? Yes. Undoubtedly. I can’t deny that. It was significant injuries.

They wouldn’t have any compensation for that though if I hadn’t fought for it.

The pension issue where a couple agree mutually that they want a sahp for multiple years is a good and important point generally...

except that she wants to spend the money on her hobby, not her pension.

It's not compensation for being a sahm, but there is certainly an argument for using a lump some to redress the pension imbalance.

I think it's only exclusively hers if she genuinely was the only one who suffered and her husband was completely unsupportive, kids were oblivious etc. while she battled through the recovery from pain and trauma alone.

if you were a SAHM for a while, can you not just stick it in your pension pot (and maybe accidentally keep a little bit aside for luxuries), that way he can't argue?

You're being very coy about how much it is, @ImNotSharing. Can you tell us?

Tricky one.

The compensation is for your pain and suffering, of course, but did what happen to you impact your family?

That's how I'd look at it anyway. If I was physically injured at work, for example, and my family took care of me while I recovered, I'd be grateful to them and want them to benefit from the compensation money in some way. Perhaps a family holiday and I'd keep the rest.

Edit as I've seen your update. Were they kind and supportive during your recovery?

So if your DH got a windfall or inheritance, that would be his money?

How would you feel if it was the other way around?

It would be family money in our house, because we are a family.

It sounds like all the money he earns is family money, but only some of the money you earn is.

What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine springs to mind.

If he worked hard for a payrise, would you be OK with him putting all of that to one side for himself? Or a bonus at work?

It seems to me like there's deeper problems in your marriage in that you don't want to put this towards your shared financial goals. If you want to spend money on clothes or hobbies, why don't you just do that? Are you only allowed to spend money from the joint account on certain things?

Don’t you want to share it with your kids though, at least? Take them on a nice holiday, make their path through uni easier? You’d rather have new clothes?

I would see it as MY money.

But as it’s a bonus and not regular income that’s budgeted, then I would spend it on a family holiday as a treat for everyone.

I couldn’t imagine not wanting to share it to make my family happy.

I got a substantial claim relatively recently for an accident.
It took four years to come. Which I had to apply for alone as I cant really see how else you can do it. DH did drive me to 2 solicitor set up medical appointments as I couldn't drive, but the Dr felt it was better i was interviewed alone

It became family money. We've been on one family holiday.

In the summer we are going away with my Mum, Dad, siblings and family which is being paid for by the claim as without their help DH,DC and I would have found the time after the accident very difficult to cope with.

Im also going to use a bit to get some jewellery I've inherited fixed to suit me better so a small amount is for me only

But yes, mainly family money as although I suffered the accident I would not have been able to recover without my family's help.

Because she doesn't want to

I'm not 100% sure she likes her family though. Referring to the kid as HIS kids etc

Honestly you are obsessed with having done the paperwork but that's only relevant if you keep all money earned by doing work completely separate, strictly spend only child benefit on the children (they're in a tricky situation if you don't get child benefit...) and send one another invoices for all domestic labour, household admin etc.

Especially when the OP acknowledges that the whole family were adversely affected by the injury.

I received a settlement agreement with payment from a previous employer last year, it was family money. Similar my DH gets an annual bonus and that is family money too.