Year 8 relationship dramas

[solerofan]

Dd is in year 8 and there is a lot of going ons at her school. Everyone seems to be dating, some are snogging or more at school during break and drinking and vaping at parties. Dd is still playing with lego occasionally, likes BMX and is very much still a child even though she is in the midst of puberty.

She is hearing stories about girls in her form having much older boyfriends who they secretly meet, friends who have secret second phones and she came home from school saying girl in her year group is pregnant.

There are fights between boys who like the same girl and girls who like the same boy. Is this normal in KS3? What do I tell my dd, she was so shocked that a girl is pregnant at 12 😮 I know of a local girl at a different school getting pregnant at 14 and thought that was horrid but 12 is just awful.

How can I guide dd through this crazy peer situation? Changing school is an option. In my time this sort of behaviour started at the earliest at around 14 so late year 9 or year 10.

AIBU to think this is not normal at this age?

I wouldn’t move her, same shit difference place. In my experience there is a massive chasm between kids at this age and beyond actually. Some like your dd and my ds are quite child like in many ways. Others are having sex, drinking and trying to grow up before their time. It’s quite normal and all you can really do is keep communication open with your dd and encourage her to be herself. Don’t start doing out of character things to fit in with a crowd, many of whom are probably exaggerating and talking shit about their escapades anyway.
It’s part of growing up unfortunately. I remember it well from my own school days and would say I was a lot more street wise and ‘mature’ than my own dc are at the same age.

So lots of it is exaggerated? I feel ridiculous but that really makes sense and hadn't occurred to me. Thinking back of being a teen we all exaggerated all manner of things 😂

I've taught at a lot of places and also been pastoral lead - yes, most of that will be exaggerated. If you do know for certain that some children are snogging 'and more' in school, school would want to know.
We are talking about 12 year olds here - some of them will have older boyfriends and that is clearly a safeguarding concern.
Very unlikely that a child is pregnant but if they are, that's a social services matter. I have once had a 13 year old pregnant but that's the youngest - teen pregnancies aren't super common anymore in my anecdotal experience, because many girls are more aware of access to contraception.
Vaping is an issue though!

Yeah Year 8s are completely unhinged.

A lot of them will be chatting shit though.

Is it otherwise a good school/area? It sounds a bit rough. I would be looking to move her for year 9.

🤣

So what do I tell my child when she comes home with these stories, true or not.

You ask her what she thinks, how does she feel about it. You sympathise/empathise when it’s a tricky situation (like the pregnancy) - that must be so hard and scary- , you express your opinion on others “that’s silly/daft/dangerous in my opinion because..”, you intervene and tell your daughter you’re doing so if it’s a safeguarding issue, you let some things go because they just happen. I’ve done all these at some point or another .More importantly you listen.

I worked in my career in all boys, all girls and mixed school and the all girls school was by far the worst, girls can be utterly toxic to each other and boy, do they hold a grudge! The boys would also have dramatic rows but were more likely to punch each other and it was over.

Exactly! Year 7s are nervous about no longer being top of the pile like they'd been in Primary school, Year 9 used to be in SATs mode and Years 10/11 were gearing up for GCSEs. That left Year 8 who had found their feet, had the new Year 7 to pick on and no exam worries!

Sounds exactly like my year 8 in the 2000s but nothing like DC Year 8 in 2026.
🤔

No SATS in year 9, maybe year 9 will be like year 8 😬

Mine is at an all girl’s school and while there is certainly some drama it’s all fairly low level, easily resolved and nothing like described in the OP. Single sex schools get demonised but it’s definitely been the right choice for my daughters. They’ve been able to concentrate on their studies and their sports.

There were quite a few lesbian relationship dramas and fallings out at DDs girls school but certainly nothing on this level. Can depend on the year group remember my dad (taught for years) saying some year groups were really difficult and others were fine. So can be luck as to what your cohort are like..

Then I'm glad I'm out of it if there are now two feral year groups. Never thought there was a good reason to have SATs!

How does year 9 tend to go these days? Any experiences to share?