AIBU to expect my husband to look after baby without it being a favour to me?

[Bumpyroads]

Asked my husband to hold our baby while I cooked dinner. I had already started cooki g but had baby in the carrier and was clearly stressed. He looked after him for 25 minutes max! He now says I should respect him more with how hard he works as he was helping me out.
He said i should have said something along the lines of "i know youve had a really hard day but please can you hold the baby" ie i have to preface asking him with saying how much i value how hard he works.

He now says he doesn't want the dinner I cooked and was going to put it in the bin(i told him no ill save it for tomorrow). He then tipped the beer I bought him earlier down the drain, something I bought him because I knew he'd had a hard day.

Im really tired of him saying im the primary carer for the children its not that hard, I have it easy. He works so hard if I ask anything of him he will say but yours the primary carer and I go to work.

Am I being unreasonable? Am I just lazy and need to suck it up as actually being a stay at home mum is easy. Am I supposed to be super mum doing it all with no complaints?
For context 10 month old still wakes several times a night so I am exhausted and he is an extremely difficult/clingy baby so getting house stuff dont if difficult.
Also husband does do stuff around the house but honestly it seem like I have to be so appreciative as if he's doing me a favour not that its just one of those things because its a shared effort.

Sorry rambling..
Anyway
unreasonable - suck it up you stay at home all day thats easy and you need to appreciate he has worked hard all day.
Not unreasonable- your not asking too much and even though he's at work he should still help without it feeling like a favour

Or something in the middle

All these useless men.

Why did he have children if he didn’t want to spend time with them?

What do you see in him?

He sounds like a big baby himself, pouring beer down the sink and his dinner in the bin, major ick!

If you are still sleeping with him, I have no sympathy.

Why don’t you leave the baby with him for a day and he can see for himself how hard it is.

How many dc do you have?

When are you due to go back to work?

I never understand this attitude. So, if you were to leave the children with him all day at the weekend and tell him a couple of loads of washing need doing and the house should be tidy when you get home how would he respond when you get back? I'm guessing he'd be shattered and would hope it would make him understand that your role is actually harder work than his. But, maybe he's just an idiot who can never see anyone else's viewpoint.

Divorce, he'll want to have the child sometimes on his own and contribute towards the cost of his child.

It's not 'helping', it's 'parenting'. Or does he think his baby magically appeared in a flower bed?

He is abusive. I wouldn't put up with it. I'd have died laughing if mine had tried to pull a stunt like that.

I hope for your sake that you're on maternity leave. I had one of these. Now he's an XH.

Stop making his dinner and when he complains tell him it's too difficult to cook with baby strapped to you.

As an aside, if your baby doesn't want to sit still in a high chair or anything while you cook, have you tried a door bouncer so they can see you and amuse themself? At 10 months my DC loved jumping up and down and 'trying out' their legs.

He should want to spend time with his baby! They're only little for a short time.

What life saving work was he doing that you interrupted OP? Or was he on the sofa scrolling his phone.

He's selfish.

He expects you to be mum 24/7 but he works 8 hours a day and the rest of the time is his own! What a waste of space he is.

I’d be making plans to get back to work, and then leave him, myself. It does not sound like this man has any respect for you at all.

Time to leave him with the baby for a day at the weekend. Though, to be honest, I wouldn't be with someone like that.

@AnneLovesGilbert im not sure i think he likes the idea of the impression it gives from the outside. He likes to talk about how he has a lovely wife and children. He does spend time with them but particularly with the baby will only hold/ play with him. Won't actually do any care like changing/baths/getting dressed. On this occasion I had asking him to start feeding baby his dinner as I was still cooking ours. I think that annoyed him as I was asking more than him to just hold him...
@Purplewarrior we enjoy a lot of the same hobbies, have good conversations, he's really kind and caring to other people. Always talks highly of me we have built of lovely life together. Honestly its a bit hard for me to answer right now though as im absolutely drained!
@LouuLou not sure what sleeping with him has to do with it but you'll be pleased to know we havent had sex since I conceived 10 month old ds.
@Lifesyoungdream he wouldnt cope for a day. Tbh im not sure he would know how to look after him. I think the term is weaponised incompetence?

He sounds like a pathetic man-child 🙄 honestly if my DH had behaved like that, I don't think I'd be able to look at him, let alone sleep in the same bed!

He's not helping you by looking after his own child! It's not just your job to take care of the baby. It's his job too. He's a father not a babysitter.

When I was a SAHM I looked after the children during the day while DH was at work but once he was home, we mucked in and he did his fair share of feeding, changing, baths & bedtimes as well as playing. He did this because he looked forward to coming home and seeing his wife and children - he WANTED to spend time with them.

If your DH wants thanks and acknowledgement for going to work, does he show the same for you having cooked, shopped, cleaned the toilets and changed the beds and done the laundry and the hundred other jobs that need doing?

He’s being a dick. He’s working in the day and your looking after the baby day and night, one is not superior to the other. You should both get breaks and when he’s home he should be parenting. He’s not ‘helping you’

But tbh the worst bit for me was his shitty attitude trying to emotionally blackmail you by throwing his meal/ beer away. Thats some spiteful shit.

He thinks he is more important than you, that his work is more important, that you are lesser, the work you do is lesser and you should kiss his feet for HOLDING his own fucking baby.

Can we stop having babies with these types of men please, can we stop rewarding them with sex, relationships and children, they do not appreciate any of it.

Next time he starts his shitty behaviour snatch the can away, agree and say actually yes, you don't deserve this, take his plate and throw it away, stop making his dinner if he isn't going to appreciate it, stop cleaning his messess or laundry.

He is saying that he deserves a work day with defined hours and days off. He deserves how time. You have to work 24/7 without breaks.

you need to be sure not to add any children to this family until you get this addressed. Good fathers understand that after their work shift they still have a parenting shift. If he won’t change his attitude, then at minimum, you need to go back to work because he doesn’t value your labor. That shows you can’t trust him.

He is a tit. Doesn't he want to spend to time with his baby after work?

These types of threads always end the same way. Loads of posters saying he is an arse and taking you for granted and to leave, it's not going to get any better.

Original poster comes back to list all his 'good points' in this case, good conversation, kind and caring to strangers despite refusing to change, bath or dress his baby son.

There will be another couple of attempts at convincing us her DH is a good guy, just misunderstood. Then she will disappear.

More children with an absolute useless cunt for a father.

What's lovely about it? He doesn't respect you and in TEN months, hasn't even bothered to look after his own baby.