AIBU to expect my husband to look after baby without it being a favour to me?

[Bumpyroads]

Asked my husband to hold our baby while I cooked dinner. I had already started cooki g but had baby in the carrier and was clearly stressed. He looked after him for 25 minutes max! He now says I should respect him more with how hard he works as he was helping me out.
He said i should have said something along the lines of "i know youve had a really hard day but please can you hold the baby" ie i have to preface asking him with saying how much i value how hard he works.

He now says he doesn't want the dinner I cooked and was going to put it in the bin(i told him no ill save it for tomorrow). He then tipped the beer I bought him earlier down the drain, something I bought him because I knew he'd had a hard day.

Im really tired of him saying im the primary carer for the children its not that hard, I have it easy. He works so hard if I ask anything of him he will say but yours the primary carer and I go to work.

Am I being unreasonable? Am I just lazy and need to suck it up as actually being a stay at home mum is easy. Am I supposed to be super mum doing it all with no complaints?
For context 10 month old still wakes several times a night so I am exhausted and he is an extremely difficult/clingy baby so getting house stuff dont if difficult.
Also husband does do stuff around the house but honestly it seem like I have to be so appreciative as if he's doing me a favour not that its just one of those things because its a shared effort.

Sorry rambling..
Anyway
unreasonable - suck it up you stay at home all day thats easy and you need to appreciate he has worked hard all day.
Not unreasonable- your not asking too much and even though he's at work he should still help without it feeling like a favour

Or something in the middle

He's a massive wanker and he won't change OP

He is a selfish arsehole

Ask him which it is- looking after kids all day is super easy- if so why does he struggle to do it for half an hour- or is it actually quite hard- in which case why doesn't he want to step up to support his partner in life. I really couldn't put up with this.

Your husband is a prize arsehole. Leave him.

The problem with this is that such a useless father would probably just park the baby in front of a screen for as long as possible, wait to change nappies until they're bursting, and forget to put the baby down for naps. He wouldn't actually understand the thought, planning and hard work a good parent puts into parenting.

No.

He’s a shit husband. He’s a shit dad. I think you need to make this very clear to him.

He sounds horrid.

Its too hard to reply individually as I wasn't expecting so many replies but thankyou. Its so nice to know its not in my head and it actually is hard work trying to do it all at home. We have 3 children.
It always seems to be a competition over who's is more tired/ worked harder etc.
I havent worked for the last 8 years due to my mental health, im sure this has created resentment.

Currently putting baby to bed breast feeding him to sleep. Husband is having a bath. Says it all really. (Kitchen still needs cleaning, washing needs getting in off the line, usual jobs etc etc)

Im just so so exhausted but dont know how to even start a conversation with him about it without it ending in an argument . I agree he think he is more important than me and his rest should be prioritised because he goes to work and earns money.

I've also recently had some health scares which im fairly certain have come on from stress and exhaustion.

Im almost tempted to show him this thread .

He's not thinking his gibberish through- parenting is 'easy' yet he's completely incapable of the bare minimum? He's a misogynist and a deadbeat.

You'd be better going back to work, divorcing the man before the kids start to think he's normal, aspirational.
Cross posted. Little point showing him a thread on a woman-dominated site. He hates women.
He knows what he's doing, it's deliberate. He does not want to parent and does not value you.

If it’s so easy then he won’t get tired doing it will he? I’m going to be honest I don’t understand how anyone has more than one child with men like this. DH pitched in with night wakings, would take the baby as soon as he got in etc, took baby out on Saturday morning so I could just get some time to myself. All of that is totally normal sharing of parental responsibilities as a father,

I echo PPs. He's a deadbeat husband and a deadbeat dad. Being "really kind and caring to other people" means fuck all.

He presumably works 9 to 5 and only on weekdays. You are left working 24-7 including nights. How is that fair?

If you were equal parents you would both have equal down time. When both at home (for example at the weekend) you would both be changing nappies and looking after the kids.

Honestly OP it would probably be less stressful to split up and be a single parent. If I were you I'd be aiming to become financially independent asap.

It is not about me being pleased. But I am relieved there is no possibility of another baby with this specimen.

He uses the term "you're the primary carer" towards me all the time and it honestly makes my blood boil.
It makes it seem like we have some sort of contract. Not a loving family.

I really do want to emphasise that he does do a share of house work, some school runs etc but it is always framed as helping me out. Thats what upsets me.

I appreciate all the comments about him being an arsehole but is this salvageable? Can we turn it around in anyway. And how can I have the conversation without him getting defensive about "how hard he works"

He is a fucking prick. God knows how you can look at him. “Kind and caring to other people” means fuck all when you can’t look after your own children or actually give a shit about your wife.
Any decent man comes home and starts doing stuff in the home or with DC so that everyone can sit down and eat and relax. My husband and I would always do 50/50 as soon as he walked through the door and on the weekends. My working day stopped when he got home and then we were a team. Your arse of a husband doesn’t know the meaning of the word. I really would leave the prick.

I highly suspect your MH would dramatically improve if you had a decent husband or divorced and left this one.

I agree he isn't being helpful with the baby, but wondered how involved he is with the other children?

I would also wonder if you haven't been working for 8 years, whether you both discussed having another baby (possibly more than one depending on age of other children) as maybe this is the cause of resentment.

Unacceptable. God he sounds awful. It should be 50/50 as soon as he walks in the door

It's solely on him to turn around. He is the problem.
Will be suddenly stop being a misogynist, educate himself in child development, parenting, stop tantruming like an infant and being a complete loser? The right combination of words won't do this.

You'd be better spending your thoughts on your future and your happiness. This man isn't it.

Your husband is an idiot

He sounds like a complete fuckwit. Please don’t have anymore children with him

He’s abusive, talk to your family and friends about how he treats you. Keep it in the open. You don’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve you and your beautiful baby

You may be the primary carer but that doesn't make you the ONLY carer!!!

His behaviour is misogynistic.

If he is not willing to help then stop 'serving' him. Have a meal at lunch time then if he is hungry later make sure there are cans of soup in the cupboard.

@Bumpyroads Tell him you are the primary carer while he's at work. When both parents are home there is no difference between you.

This