AIBU to feel low about ageing changes and ask how others cope

[Glitterballofdreams]

I’m 41, and my (large) breasts are noticeably sagging, and it’s getting me down. I have invested in a sleep bra to make things more comfortable at night.
Also noticing more and more fine lines and wrinkles on my face.

I know these aren’t serious concerns, and are 1st world problems in the grand scale of things. But I wondered if anyone else struggles with ageing and if so how they manage it? Any recommendations are highly appreciated! Would love breast surgery but can’t justify it really.

Speak for yourself, male attention has got worse in my 40s and now it’s from men much younger and older too instead of just my age. I get asked out a lot and stared at. My friends in their 40s and 50s have no shortage of men after them too. My mum was still getting propositioned in her 70s! I think women who don’t make an effort might feel invisible.

I think it depends on how you look at things.
Im 40 this year and i feel great about how i look, ive got a few miles on my face and greys.
Its just another chapter in life.

I didn’t say anything about male attention. Interesting that you took that from it though 😅

Yes I have found it difficult. Things that have helped me are:
Knowing that ageing is a privilege when I compare to my peers who haven't made it to this age
Looking at myself and thinking this is the youngest I will ever be again
Looking at and appreciating the beauty of others of a similar age and people older
Feeling a sense of freedom that comes from not being beholden to the patriarchal sense that beauty comes from youth. It can actually be quite liberating to think that you, as a person, are not valuable just because you have youthful looks and that you shouldn't really give a flying fuck what anyone who would judge you by those standards would think

With regards breast surgery, when you say you can't "justify" it, do you mean it's not an option financially? Because being uncomfortable all the time absolutely is enough justification if that's what's holding you back!

I think it's hard to accept because as a society we don't accept aging or value older people so we all have a subconscious fear and almost hatred of the signs of aging.

And of course there is the fact that men seem to be allowed to age & it's ok - think "silver fox" comments for men who are greying & wrinkled. What is the female equivalent? Not sure there is one.

It really is all about mindset because we all have to face it one day. Botox, fillers etc will work up to a certain age and then will tip over into the odd, plastic look in later years which is no better than the natural wrinkled look really.

As someone else said, you will never be younger than you are today so try to embrace it.
Wear clothes that make you feel good, exercise, drink plenty of water, get your hair done regularly, get as much sleep as you can. These things will make you feel good and keep you healthy which is the most important thing.

Me neither but 40s is not even slightly old!

I always wear extra make up when I go to the hairdresser! Too depressing otherwise

When you are in your 60s like me you will look at photos and think how amazing you looked in your 40s!
The biggest thing for me has been my hair. It was always thick and shiny and so easy to manage but in the recent past it has thinned and doesn't feel like my hair any more and that has hit me hard.
I think the breast thing is different. Its not about looks it's about comfort and if you can afford it l would do something about that. Its a long way until you are my age and l couldn't cope with constant discomfort. I do a lot of exercise and it would drive me mad. Mine have always been extra small so not an issue ..but my hair!!!!

Financially it isn’t an issue, i meant taking the time off work, and getting help to look after my children. Seems a little too vain.
Having said that I’d also love a tummy tuck as my apron from 3 caesareans also drives me insane.

I was quite attractive in my youth and I didn’t realise that gave me power - people (mostly men) wanted to engage with me, seek me out after meetings, want to work with me, serve me quicker in bars, etc. but there’s a cost to that and in my case it included what we’d now call sexual assault (e.g. someone came up to me on a busy street and grabbed my breast, got felt up almost every night as a waitress - in the 80s and early 90s that sort of thing was seen as a ‘bit of fun’. I was also stalked and the police had to get involved).

Now I’m late 50s I don’t get that sort of attention anymore, but I still look pretty good I think - I eat my vegetables and don’t go out in the sun without SPF. I’m on HRT which keeps me from seizing up, and I swim regularly. I am much more adventurous with my clothing now and know what suits my body. I colour my hair, but I’ve left my face alone. I like it just as it is. I’m 57. I’m supposed to have a few lines and wrinkles. People like Amanda Holden and Carol Vorderman look great - but also a bit odd, and they don’t look young - and everyone already knows how old they are anyway.

I will fight the ageing process with every fibre in my body . I will not ‘grow old gracefully ‘ because frankly I want to look my best for as long as possible . I will not become invisible because I like being visible .
My DCs are a bit older now , so I have the money and time to invest in my looks
So I will continue to hit the gym five times a week, get my hair and nails done regularly
invest in some nice makeup .Cosmetic surgery if required . I have already got a surgeon in mind

I'm 60 and truly love being 60. I don't look the same as I did when I was 40 or 20 but I consider that I have grown into myself. I'm happy I'm alive and I'm much more confident than when I was younger. I have had assistance, I have had Botox, fillers and do quite a lot of exercise. Maybe something to consider because it does make a difference.

Dh and I are very active with in a large group of friends, we are the youngest in our early 50s, the oldest is in her 90s.

I spend more time with the ladies in the group and i have to say not one of them is invisible, i have seen how male heads turn to them (obviously not 20 somethings!). They are amazing, vibrant, beautiful women who are living their lives to the fullest, they light up the room with their laughter, warmth and conversation and are definitely not invisible. The best thing, they are authentic within themselves. Not one has had any cosmetic work done (it is pointless, like trying to keep an ocean at bay with a matchstick), they keep fit and active, eat well and drink in moderation. They enjoy life, embracing fun and stand together through pain.

They are the best mentors a woman could have, the support for each other! I love them all so much.

I am at the start peri and am going through the birthing my cronehood. Seeing how our friends are and how they live is an amazing inspirational privilege. I feel very honoured that they have befriended my dh and I.

It’s not about enjoying the signs of ageing,it’s about remembering you are privileged to still be here at all. My dear friend died from cancer in her early fifties and a work colleague was just 40.

No, but at 41, I was pregnant with my last of 4 babies. Best pregnancy and birth,my oldest was 21, (2nd marriage) and people were asking if it was my first! 42, peri menopause symptoms hit big time. I was fighting fit and healthy. I was nursing over 40 years though, the things I saw,made me incredibly greatful for my lot. I'm 75 now, and going to the hairdressers next week, I thought the mirror thing was me! Remember to wear extra makeup!

Upper bleph. I had it done years ago. Relatively quick, tolerable levels of pain and makes a huge difference. It was about £2500 when I had it done.

Get the breast reduction op. It's pretty major surgery but it's life changing. You don't have to justify it either!
Ageing is hard. There's real loss and grief feelings to go through. For me, 48 to 52 was pretty tough. I could see real changes in my looks in that period and I really mourned my loss of youth and looks and that my younger years were behind me. Over time though, you gradually start to accept things. You've had your day in the sun and you're entering a new era. Also, 41 is still very young. Don't sweat it. You've got several more years of youth left!! If I was 41, I'd be in a bikini dancing in Ibiza!!

33 and have noticed wrinkles, currently breastfeeding a toddler and mine have totally lost firmness and size. Don't have time to take care of my appearance atm or sleep through the night anymore so I'm feeling quite washed currently!

What helps me is to remind myself that ageing is a blessing. Do I miss the collagen I had when I was younger? Absolutely! I'm watching my diet, using suncream and enjoying the time with my loved ones though. A really cool colleague of mine is in her 50s, 3 kids and yet makes time for really great hobbies. She went skateboarding recently!

A bit morbid below so feel free not to read but -

My best friend had cancer when we were 30. My mum killed herself when I was 31. A colleague's teenage son was just killed as a pedestrian in a road accident nearby. I think of those things when I'm not happy with my appearance and I'm so grateful for what I have.

I’m almost 50 and look my age. I couldn’t give less of a shit and think our society/culture is disgraceful for making women think they need to look like they’re in their late 20s whether they are 30, 40, 50
or even 60.

Eat well and exercise it’s the best thing you can do for yourself in your 40s. It will make you feel and look so much better, especially building muscle.

@CurdinHenryi suspect you would be surprised how quick you would change your mind if that was a reality.
I’m in my 40s with stage 4 cancer, I have met friends since I’ve been ill that are in their 60s &70s and they pretty keen on living too!
More than anything I want to see my kids into adulthood.

Hairdresser mirror wearing a cape with wet hair has never been flattering even when I was 20!

I’m 41 and think I look better than I ever have , that’s partly down to having different priorities, like more time for me as my son is now 18 so doesn’t need me as much , but for me sleeping well, eating better, gym , exercise using my time better and only really doing stuff I want to that makes me happy, I get micro needling and hifu bit of Botox and good skin care routine and it’s working for me , you just need to change things up abit and refocus on what you need to make yourself feel better.

FrLarryDuff can I ask what facial you get every 4 weeks?

But why is it vain to seek medical help for an issue that makes you physically uncomfortable every single day? You deserve to feel comfortable and confident in your own body!