AIBU to feel low about ageing changes and ask how others cope

[Glitterballofdreams]

I’m 41, and my (large) breasts are noticeably sagging, and it’s getting me down. I have invested in a sleep bra to make things more comfortable at night.
Also noticing more and more fine lines and wrinkles on my face.

I know these aren’t serious concerns, and are 1st world problems in the grand scale of things. But I wondered if anyone else struggles with ageing and if so how they manage it? Any recommendations are highly appreciated! Would love breast surgery but can’t justify it really.

I’m also 41 and all of a sudden I feel like I’m really struggling too. I had my 18year old breast implants removed with an uplift on Tuesday and I’m currently feeling absolutely horrendous but long term I hope this will make me feel better but it’s my face that’s really getting me down. I went to a new hair dresser a few Saturdays ago and it made me feel so old just sat there looking in the mirror for a few hours I looked up about having filler or something done when I got home. Didn’t help the hairdresser was 21 (she was absolutely lovely and did an amazing job blending my greys)
I’ve got a turkey neck coming and look a bit jowly but wouldn’t know what to do about it.

You will never find fulfillment in trying to look younger. Even if you temporarily look a bit better, you will gradually become more wrinkly, saggy and noticeably older. These are not bad things btw.

Find something to throw yourself into that has meaning. Remember, practically no one cares how you look, and you can pour endless amounts of time and money and energy into trying to look younger, thinner, perkier but for what? For that tiny amount of time that anyone is thinking about it?

41 year old+ women don't look 25, and they never will. And that's completely normal and okay - the healthiest thing to do is accept it.

The hairdresser mirror is a killer isn’t it! Hope your uplift helps you feel more comfortable

With my breasts it’s not to look young it’s more the fact that they are so uncomfortable. Because they’re large, they’re just in the way and I find myself tucking my tshirt under them or constantly wearing a bra. Even more uncomfortable in summer.

Hairdresser mirrors are well known portals to a demonic universe. Ignore.

We are old for a lot longer than we are young. Our older selves are our real selves. Visibly biological ageing starts in our 20s. So even if we are a bit down about it, we have 60 plus years to get used to it!

do you have a loving husband? Mine is making me laugh....I have a double chin, overweight and massive saggy tits but he says natural is the best

I’m lucky I do! He sees nothing but beauty, and doesn’t leave me alone. It’s just me that is uncomfortable in my own skin now

Maybe you could pivot it to looking good for your age rather than trying to look younger?

A woman in her mid 40s (or mid 50s, mid 60s or whatever) who looks her age but really healthy and well looked after is always going to look miles better than someone the same age who is trying to fake looking younger.

I looked fine at 50. By 52 I had jowls, a turkey neck, under eye bags and hooded eyes!!

I actually had surgery on all of it. I have no regrets!

I insist many people have natural charm....cannot always be all about looks

Yeah I agree. And I don’t want invasive treatment. I just wondered if anyone else my age struggles with the changing body!

As are changing rooms

You don't have to "cope", you just accept it.
First of all, because how you look is fundamentally unimportant - there are so many more interesting things about you.
Secondly, you understand that you gain so much more than you lose.... wisdom, experience and ultimately the art of no longer giving a f*ck!

Go to some fun places, meet some brilliant people, read some fascinating books - just enjoy your life!

I think it's better to grieve and accept the losses as you go along, then it's a more manageable task.

Please tell me more about the hooded eye surgery!

As my dad always said. 'It's better than the alternative ' - in other words, just be happy you're alive.

I love your post Miranda65. It says everything i want to say.
Being able to reach the age of 69 is an enourmous gift. I don't think it matters what you are on the outside. The most attractive older women, and men, are the ones livong their lives.

I spent my youth as an ugger then came into my own mid thirties. Now mid forties I definitely won't be going quietly into the night - surgery in the next couple of years (although I'll have to hide it from my husband somehow as he wouldn't approve!).

I like flirting with men and the power of moderage sexiness. That can come in adult form, I don't need to kid on I'm young, but I want to be Gillian Anderson/Helen mirren rather than depressing old baggage.

I also think keeping sharp is essential (no bullshit about peri brain fog).

Oh god yes, almost everyone (I think).

In your 40s you start to become invisible.

At first you are confused by what’s happening, then you might start to fight it by trying to look younger, then eventually you recognise it for what it is. It doesn’t matter how many time older women have referenced it, it’s something you have to experience to understand - like when people say “your life changes when you have a baby” or “kids grow up so fast” - it’s the same kind of true-cliché.

The thing that is really interesting at that time is that you start to understand how much misogyny there is towards older women too.

It’s also very liberating. Once you have accepted and understood the “invisible” aspect, but have still taken care of yourself, that’s when many women really shine and look and feel amazing 😊

With big boobs you just have to wear a bra, all day every day.
You have to make it a mission to find the right one. Treat it like a military project, worthy of time, attention, planning and money.
Luckily, I found a particular supermarket one that suits me, and have worn that same model of bra for a couple of decades (even luckier they haven't discontinued it or changed the manufacture) so I'm quids in, but be prepared to spend ££ on each and every bra if necessary.

As for ageing, in a few more years you will be looking at glasses for everyday activities (not just reading), seriously expensive dental work, possibly losing teeth and going for implants, hair thinning on the crown, etc. etc.
Plus of course the all important decision of when to put away the hair dye and just embrace going grey.
That is life.
Acceptance is the key.

I count myself lucky to be able to see my son grows up. My wonderful MIL died in her 40s.

Your 20s are a very short time of your life. We are wrinkly and saggy for a much larger proportion of an average lifetime so it would be quite a waste of your life to be sad about it.

There’s nothing wrong with being 50 unless you’re trying to look 25

Babe, not every woman at 50 is invisible. If you like it that way then fab but ...

I don’t know anyone that enjoys the signs of ageing. I started Botox at 37. I’m 53 now and have kept wrinkles at bay. I also have a very good facial every 4 weeks.

I might have something more invasive when these measures aren’t enough.