AIBU to feel low about ageing changes and ask how others cope

[Glitterballofdreams]

I’m 41, and my (large) breasts are noticeably sagging, and it’s getting me down. I have invested in a sleep bra to make things more comfortable at night.
Also noticing more and more fine lines and wrinkles on my face.

I know these aren’t serious concerns, and are 1st world problems in the grand scale of things. But I wondered if anyone else struggles with ageing and if so how they manage it? Any recommendations are highly appreciated! Would love breast surgery but can’t justify it really.

I'm just beginning to feel a little apprehensive about getting older.
I've started getting aches and pains and numbness in my arms and legs from time to time. No idea what it is and it's too vague to go to the GP about.
Last year I had a skin cancer removed. This year I've had some gynae problems involving hospital trips.
My hair is getting very thin and scant.
I have osteoporosis.
I have bunions.
I'm in my late 60s and have friends in their 70s and 80s. I see the older ones gradually winding down. Yesterday I found out that someone I haven't seen for a couple of months has died from cancer. Eighteen months ago another acquaintance, who I used to see every week, died from cancer. A friend's husband died from cancer last year. Another friend's husband died from a heart attack a couple of years ago.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy still to be alive and on this amazing journey from youth, through middle age and into old age. It's quite a ride, but now that I'm past 65 I'm increasingly being reminded of my own mortality and the limited amount of healthy lifespan I have left.

When I was 41, I felt the same as I did when I was 21. I think you should make the most of your youth, OP. Older age will surely come to you, but not yet. Get out there and enjoy being young, while you still are!

Just embrace it all, it’s a natural part of life, revel in all the things age brings, wisdom, don’t give a fuck attitude, hopefully stability in life.

There are young people right now who would give anything for the chance to get to the age of having a few wrinkles.

chasing something that we are not willing to never bring happiness.

Me too. My impression is that everything suddenly dropped, from my face to my butt to my boobs, right when menopause hit. And I was never good-looking to begin with so I had little to lose but it bugs me.
What keeps me from doing anything stupid is that here in London I've known a lot of women who've had "work" done and while they do look better for a year or two, in 3-4 years they look far, far worse, all unevenly aging and just plain weird. Night of the Living Dead stuff.
(Well that and the fact that I can't afford it...)

This entirely.

You can’t stop time.

You need to find other aspects of your personality and skills that you will be pleased by.

I do feel you are missing my point. Comparing myself to others or feeling glad I am alive is not helpful for everyone. Of course I am very happy and grateful to be alive and mostly healthy, however ageing affects everyone differently. Some are able to embrace it, others struggle, and some barely notice. I was asking how others felt about ageing and how they manage it.

And that’s how I feel about aging - I embrace it and I’m glad it’s happening to me, that option is worse than all other options.

i “cope” with it by embracing it. Rather than spending money on creams, sticking toxins in your face will either have no effects or just temporarily delay the effects of the march of time.

i would e re commend spend time coming to terms with aging - this will have a permanent effect. Otherwise, at best you’ll just be kicking the problem down the road.

You’re beautiful, you’re alive, you have lived and have a future.

To answer your first question. You’re not unreasonable to feel low about aging given the constant push for women to look 25 forever, but you are unreasonable not to try and change your mindset to reject such notions for the sake of your own mental health

Mindset is key. Thank you for explaining further. It’s definitely something I need to embrace and learn to live with. It just seems to have crept upon me overnight and I now need to find ways to manage my feelings.

I know how you feel op. I turn 49 in a couple of weeks and over the last 4/5 years I’ve had some stressful times and hormones have been going crazy and I had cancer (caught early, easily treated). I felt like I was noticeably aging quicker.
My response has been to try to look after myself a little bit better; eating well, more exercise, taking HRT, taking supplements that I need, minoxidil to try to get my hair a bit thicker (worked a bit but what’s coming through is grey and I can’t be bothered to dye it). I’ve also improved my skincare by adding retinol and vitamin C.
i might sound like I’ve fallen into all the traps set to help middle aged women part with their cash but I have seen improvement (and people have noticed) and I feel well and that’s the main thing.
So my approach really is going to be to age well on my own terms healthily with no regrets. I’ve also sadly lost a couple of friends to cancer over the last couple of years and that has definitely made me appreciate my good fortune. That being said I would totally have breast reduction too if I could afford it (and a tummy tuck)! I would never get any work done on my face though, I completely agree with the comment that you either look old or you look odd and I loathe that uncanny valley look.

Don’t want to sound smug or preachy but I usually think of my friends/loved ones who didn’t make it past 40, then realise growing older is a gift so I should just enjoy my life

Could it be peri, OP?

Totally agree with this. Through work I had some interactions with a woman in her forties who’d been diagnosis with stage 4 cancer. Really brought it home how much I have to be thankful for.

I wondered this, however I have no changes whatsoever to my cycle/periods. And none of the classic symptoms.

@Glitterballofdreams this kind of thing hit me at 50 but not really enough to do anything about it

My mum thought about having a breast reduction, but was horrified about the surgery and then found after menopause. They shrunk a bit anyway.

@Rhodesbride what was the uplift like? I don't need mine reduced, but I'm curious about getting an uplift.

I don't know what to say in general - I haven't done anything because every time I think about it, it seems awful and risky

There's a thread about a filler facelift I think I might consider that

A lot of women I know have things injected into their face. I haven't had anything so far. It might be something I do if I can get past how scary it all is

And then I think what if I just become discontent with something else...

In general, I think it's becoming more complicated because I see more and more people who are taking steps

Then they look a lot better

Then it becomes a cycle because everyone you see around you looks better and you think, oh I should do that ...

The same as changing rooms, they all remind me of circus mirrors. 😂

I am a similar age op, and have just noticed some early signs of aging for the first time. I have put it down to the effects of a really stressful few years, and deluding myself that I can reverse it 🤭.
If it helps dh's Uncle got botox/fillers, but must have over done it, and when it wore off Jesus rhe difference, he looked worse than before he had it. I would avoid until you really need it, and even then they say just a tiny bit.
What is the age where women feel comfortable aging? Maybe the first signs are the shock to the system? I have definately noticed I don't look in my 20s anymore, I didn't feel much different for most of 30s, but now I am seeing it.

And you will readjust, remember one day you’ll look back on pictures of you today and marvel at how you look, how easily you move. Live for who you are today, write a list of everything that makes you you, one really powerful method is to write for 5 minutes on how you feel about yourself at this moment, then write for 3 minutes on how your best friend would describe you. Then write for 1 minute on what you’re going to take forward from this. You can also think about a time when you were younger and felt insecure and write a letter of support to your yourself knowing what you know now, then imagine yourself older than you are by the same number of years as separate you and your younger self (eg if you imagine yourself as 20 then imagine yourself as 60) and ask your older self to write a letter to you today, what would you say..

Completely agree. To stay young you'd have to die young, and I'd take aging as a gift over that.
Sorry about the ones you've lost 💐

Im 46 and my botox era has just started! I love it! Worth every penny!

Appreciate your body. Love it and yourself. It's amazing!

Having lost people close to me who died far too young, I'm just grateful to be here and mostly healthy at age 60. I'm saggy and wrinkly, I'm getting age spots and my skin is dry, but I'm alive, my body works, I have fun, I enjoy myself, it does what I need it to do. Get a sense of perspective about what really matters. There are so many people who won't have the privilege of getting wrinkles.

Aging is the inevitable result of living, for every human being on the planet. We are so lucky. You'll get wrinkly anyway whatever you think or feel about it, so you might as well look at the positive side of it.

I used to be very vain when I was younger but after some health challenges I don’t have energy for it at the moment. I do enjoy playing around with fashion, though. When I was younger I was very into hair/makeup/fake tan etc. Now I’m more into clothes, and embracing my tired witchy face (because i don’t have another option at the moment). Might try Botox one day. Might not.

Yeah it’s not great is it. I think the French phrase ‘coup de vieux’ nails it, those days where you wake up and appear to have aged five years overnight. It rarely seems to go the other way.

I genuinely looked pretty good at 50 (tbh having looked shit for the previous 20 years - I got fitter) but now at 57 I have aged a long way. I do find myself contemplating things I never previously considered like facelifts, breast lifts and that thing where they tighten your bingo wings. I can guarantee that I’m both too chicken and too cheap to do anything of that sort. I do spend a lot more than I used to on face cream, and I have not embraced the grey either.

I don’t mind looking a bit older but a combination of hitting my 40s and losing a lot of weight means I often catch my mother looking out the mirror at me. It’s uncanny.

I’m 59 and am fine with it.
There’s only one alternative.

I used to be a little vai and would spent a lot of time getting ready just to pop to the shops. Anyhow, I became a mum later in life and wow this changed me! I now spend less than 5 mins make up. In fact best place for make up is the reflection of my oven. I try not to look in mirrors. To be honest I have never felt happier and more free.

I'm clean, dressed casual smart, a little make up and hair up. In return.. outside of being a mum and working, my life is spent pursuing hobbies and living my life to the fullest without every pausing to look in the mirror. I wish I hadn't spent so much time being looks focused when I was younger, i wasted too much time. I find my new life very liberating.

I'm 44 and I don't care at all at my lots of wrinkles. You just need to not give a crap. It's liberating.