Modern life is overwhelming

[Stressedoutwest]

Probably self-explanatory, but there is just so much going on at any time. Constant notifications from the schools, working too much, life admin, chores etc etc etc. AiBU or just not coping as well as others?

I agree. I’m barely coping and live in a mess.

If you are in a partnership the life admin, school stuff and chores should be shared. You shouldn’t be taking it all on by yourself.

Honestly I found life got a lot easier when my kids left primary school! Give me GCSEs over WBD, class assemblies, Easter bonnets, football takeover days etc etc etc any day!!!

I'm with you OP. It feels like a marathon you have to run as fast as a sprint. I'm not cut out for it. Once DC have flown the nest I can see myself wanting to find a tiny quiet place and living in peace and quiet as much as possible.

I agree. Just constantly juggling work, sorting car maintenance/ repairs all while needing said car to get to and from work, pet maintenance/ vets trips to be managed after work, constant fencing repairs to sort and we only have a small garden but it seems endless, making sure there is at least milk and bread in the house, helping child with revision / decisions re future, helping elderly parents, keeping an eye on my own health / trying to make sure any doctors appointments are after work etc etc.

Mainly I just want to pack a rucksack and walk off into the hills never to be seen again.

I sometimes find this harder, as now not only do you have to co-ordinate life, but you have to effectively share and communicate and negotiate with someone else who feels just as hard done by. Managing family calendars, one person feeling like they are carrying the burden, missed deadlines because you thought the other person was doing it, are all stressors too

I’m not. DP does just as much as I do, if not more.

What annoys me is all the twee stuff schools say about being on your phone around your kids. Most of the time it's because they've requested yet more admin of me!

The milk and bread gets me every time. Still shocked at how much of it the DC consume!

I agree OP.

I hate how I feel that I have to be constantly connected to my phone or miss something. But then I fall into bad habits of mindlessly scrolling just to get a bit of "me time".

I am trying to only look at my phone consciously, and then leaving it in another room.

It sounds counter-intuitive but the best thing for me has been to find non-screen based hobbies like practicing an instrument or pottering in my garden. Started out as 15-20 minutes a day, but the time slows me down and I get fully immersed. Because I need my hands I can't be tempted to dip back onto my screen.

A lot of admin can just be set up online. Children are grown now but stuff like school dinner money went from scrabbling about for cash to all online, all bills are set up online. Its also about having all paperwork in a good system plus now with so much stuff being paperless it’s easier.

As well as systems to take away the stress and some are just better at this sort of organisational skill I think a lot of this is personality type. If a person is the sort to procrastinate or overthink fine detail then it’s an enormous issue. There is also just how quick a persons internal processing speed is. Imagine you need to do a 7 stage process to get to an outcome and you need to make a small decision with each step. My DH is far more intelligent academically than me but to go through that process will take him 3 times as long. It’s not about a better outcome even it’s the same outcome.

One big issue is women worrying they won’t seem nice, tying themselves up in knots about committing to things when they do not have the time really, just say no thanks.

It's not really modern life though is it? When I was young my parents did all the same stuff except instead of endless texts it was endless notes which were probably worse because they had to rely on me remembering to give them said note.
I'm not sure any generation had it easy.
I never appreciated how much juggling my parents did and I'm sure my kids don't realise either, but they will if they have kids

@Stressedoutmummyof3 I was going to say I don’t think it’s just a phone thing, our school was pretty old school and still did most things analogue which tbh stressed me out more, so much easier to fill out a Microsoft form than sign a hardcopy form and get your child to remember to take it!

That said, it’s still very much modern life, I think we can call the last couple of decades modern life still. I doubt my grandmother had to juggle the joys of class assemblies and full time work!

I do think that some schools expect a lot more from parents in terms going to events, bringing this thing in, wearing something of that colour etc. I'm sure my mum just got a list of dates at the begining of each term.

I know. Its one of the inconsistencies of modern life that we are being lectured about getting off our phones but its virtually impossible nowadays to manage life without a smartphone.

I feel like it’s becoming quite class based as well. Phone dependency is seen with the same judgement that people had for the smoking pregnant mum 20 years ago (which is probably a good thing). Its good that doomscrolling is becoming a taboo and people are encouraged to get off it.

But unless you’re absurdly rich and have staff or you live completely off grid you can’t function without a phone.

Indeed, all this talk about phones and teenagers and secondary schools in particular, but in my kids’ school all their homework, timetable etc is in an app…

Bring back hardcopy planners, I loved mine!

I don’t mind using a phone for life admin. I just think at the moment its a real luxury to not have to.

At certain time of the year, this can be a daily or weekly request to bring or wear certain things at my DC’s school. It feels like a lot.

There was one week in December when it was something for every day.

this as some of us do not have husbands who can work and do life admin effectively.

I think there a peak time in primary and early secondary with primary school being very bad and lots of groups and lessons kids aren't older enough to manage themselves.

I found a year wall planner someone everyone could see made ite asier for everyone but DH who occaionally still managed to double or triple book things till I stopped trying to fix for him.

Covid made it worse in that family appointments for teeth and eyes all got seperated out - luckily kids did get old enough to self manage those.

Generally found bus and train apps have made my life easier - also like on-line shopping - but DMum complains about endless parking apps and naviagting her GP and persciptions and council all on-line - though some of that doing it at all.

I think it has got worse. I don’t remember my Mum dealing with 20
notes from school a week.

But everything being done online has just ended up increasing the amount of things needing to be done.

My aunt was telling me about being a lawyer around the time that emails were invented. Previously you would have to send letters and get the typist to type it for you and then wait for a reply. Once lawyers got computers and email they could send their own emails but it just created more work.

Like how is it that it takes longer for lawyers to manage the sale of a house now that it did before email was invented?

Similarly the amount of time it women spend on housework per week has stayed pretty constant even though we have washing machines and dishwashers.

Tasks always manage to expand to fill the time we have.

Definitely got harder for people . Everything being on online is not necessarily a great idea . The steps I have to go through to set up different accounts for different things, apps is annoying. And for anyone over 60 , it can be a new thing to learn again . Not always easy . Then there is Internet set up for TV ,etc. No landline now .
Work wise it used to be very much 9-5 , decent breaks and not such a toxic situation. You paid your bills with cash or cheque which you could post with a very affordable stamp . No need to trawl for quotes for insurance, or holidays , just went to local business. School did not have to follow the exhausting curriculum which is why teaching used to be a enjoyable job . And certainly didn't make the kind of demands of parents that are normal now . Sending of notes were normal and kids had to be responsible.
I see people struggle to cope with it all and feel sorry for this generation especially the women because one thing that hasn't changed is the idea that household a things are still their domain. I know my DS is an equal partner in his relationship and he does sometimes comments on how much I did compared to his father despite working too.

Yes and mums of special needs kids have to work hard most of a 24 hour day, stay at home autism mum mode is relentless. That is harming people now days in a significant way. This is not talked about much...