I wrote a MASSIVE post. It may help some, or annoy others! You have been warned...😁
You are correct OP. It is really exhausting, there is definitely not enough help for families, and so much extra is pilled on the shoulders of two adults trying their best. Especially schools.
My tuppence worth, being on the side of late teen years now.
The only way out of it is through it and by simplifying.
At a certain point we simplified everything. We reduced the amount of clubs, and with them, removed considerable pressure. My modus was - is it complicated? Not doing it!
Other parents will be feeling the same thing. A group of us got together and helped each other out.
Twice a week, each child had a friend over after school, on the same day. It was penciled in. They would all eat, do homework and lounge about. That worked really well, as there was a range of ages, which always seemed to ease things. The added advantage was that there was no running about collecting children. The guests went home with their homework done and fed. Your own children are satisfied and ready for quiet time when their friends leave. The other parents did likewise. No tech allowed, but a film was ok.
Once a week mine went to their friend's house - I usually tried to have them go on the same day.
TV, social, computer games etc cause anger, frustration, and irritation when they dominate. They are a period of enjoyment when used wisely.
DH and I divided the domestic stuff up by "sectors" for six months - laundry, groceries, doctor, dentist, etc. We worked with our professional demands. The house was divided into upstairs or downstairs, again for six months.
Don't buy a lot. We are persuaded to spend on this and that.
All the so called building memories and so on, expensive (and usually disappointing) days out and bloody magic moments? Mine hardly remember any of them. Turns out, memory does not work that way. So - everything you are thinking of spending? Save two thirds of it, you will need it when they are teenagers.
Christmas? We hid the gifts. So Xmas day was a treasure hunt! Now THAT they loved! They used to leave a note for Father Xmas asking him to do the treasure hunt. DH and I would sit and chuckle having a relaxing breakfast while the kids got all Famous Five on the house!
Major hack - dh and I used to book a baby sitter for afternoons, early evening. We would go out and tool around, have an early drink or late lunch. Sometimes, we went to the local library just to read in silence! It felt so free. By the time we got home, sitter would have the kids in bed - so we had a stress free evening at home too. We got great millage out of that one actually!
You come out the other side and wonder how the hell you did that! Good luck to all in the trenches.