Modern life is overwhelming

[Stressedoutwest]

Probably self-explanatory, but there is just so much going on at any time. Constant notifications from the schools, working too much, life admin, chores etc etc etc. AiBU or just not coping as well as others?

It wasn’t the op

perhaps read the thread!

It's a vicious cycle as well. There are so many messages that people forget or overlook them, and because people forget or overlook things companies/people now send a load of reminders, which both create more messages and mean you can't always see the wood for the trees (I once didn't read a message about an appointment because I assumed it was just a reminder and I'd already remembered, but it turned out to be a message telling me that it had been rearranged . So now I feel I have to open everything.

Same with organising things with friends. Back in the day we would have one phone call and arrange to meet at x place at y time. Because phone calls were expensive. And then we would just turn up. nowadays, it's multiple messages to agree when and where and then checking beforehand that we can both still make it.

It can be so overwhelming. Specially when kids are in primary. I have 3 kids and the constant messages from school is insane. And where we are they are also expected to do community service which happens at the weekend so our time is never really our own.

@Heisrevising

”The original poster listed helping her primary kids with homework as one of the reasons why she find herself crying with exhaustion most days”

So you didn’t mean the OP when you said original poster? 🤔

When I think to my parents raising children (80’s) my mum was asahp and dad worked 8-4 as a builder. Mum did kids and house, dad earned the money. From about age of four we played out/ watched tv or played in our rooms. Walked to school solo from age of 6. The kids had to do the pots . No clubs or sports, no interactions with school until parents evening which started in year 9. My parents sat and watched tv or read every evening from 6pm or they went to the pub. They literally had nothing they had to do.

Whereas dh and I are both frazzled between working, keeping on top of house, school, kids, clubs, trying to be healthy so fitting in gym. We sit down about 9pm on a evening for 30 minutes and go to bed at 930 because we are up at 5 (dh) and 6(me)

So why not take a leaf from your parents books? No clubs on 2-3 evenings and chill.
mine have nothing on a Monday or Tuesday and it will stay that way!

Omg

the original poster to which you were quoting!! 😂

This quote was from a poster who had been quoting another poster.

just read the thread!!

I’m not sure if I’d agree with this as for most people growing up 30/40 years ago, there simply wasn’t the same expectation re extracurriculars, play dates, big birthday parties, holidays etc. And in many households (supported by census data), there was one parent (usually the mum) who didn’t work outside the home so their entire focus was on running the home and raising the children, whereas in ‘modern life’ it’s far more likely to be both parents working, not to mention far higher mortgages, cost of living etc. So whilst of course I agree our parents had to juggle to a certain extent, I don’t believe it’s anything close to what modern life and parenting requires. FWIW, my own mum agrees with me and constantly tells me I “put too much pressure on myself” re weaning, child development etc and she and her generation were far more relaxed and laissez-faire. She says they were much quicker to do things that weren’t necessarily great for the child (eg Rusks in a bottle from 4 months) to make their lives easier. But my generation mostly would balk at that approach, not to mention the mum police!

Just wanted to say, you are not alone. I (just about) survived those trenches but the pressure on modern parents is ceaseless.
in case you doubt yourself, you are doing a spectacular job just keeping up. I know it sounds trite, but try not to over think it all, life was not unending fun and joy for us as kids, we were all bored, annoyed and frustrated at times and somehow we survived. It strikes me that the change in expectations on modern parents has been the biggest change.

Dc only have clubs two nights a week on the other nights we cook tea clean up do bath and bed that still takes up to 830/845. On club nights it’s 9pm

But it's for them to do. If they don't understand then they should be asking the teacher who is the person meant to teach them.

I got moaned at by school because DD could read and knew times tables as I hadn't taught her the way they do. So I decided at that point to let the teachers get on with the bloody teaching. Carried that through 3 kids.

not sure whether it has to be harder or whether the pressure is self inflicted sometimes at least. Kids do far more activities these days, and from babies, mums all work full time reducing the time to do admin and adding the admin of childcare, but a lot of things are choices, they don’t have to do multiple activities on weekends for instance yet my neighbours kids do. I chose to work pt because childcare is expensive.

I guess it depends on your experience. There were four siblings. my dad ran his own business with my mum's help so I think a fair amount of juggling went on, especially as I never remember feeling ignored or anything.
They weren't endless texts and emails obviously but I do remember lots of notes and them being pinned all over the noticeboard and I think because more parents did school pick up they reminded each other of things.
Parents at DCs school aren't unfriendly but there's no closeness like I remember when I was at school. Maybe that's another sign of modern life though.

@FromtheMouthsofDecadence there is so much truth in what you say.

My Mum has fully supported my parenting but has acknowledged it was a lot easier for her. Babies were put to sleep on their front, in their own rooms and there was no pressure to bf. In fact babies went to the hospital nursery as soon as they were born so new Mums got some rest. Now all do it differently, and yes there are good reasons for this such as SIDs, but we have clingy babies who won't sleep. We have babies later as well so our bodies are less able to recover quickly. Then there's the fact that so many more Mum's are highly educated career women. Lifestyles are different, there is more pressure to maintain a lifestyle, help your child achieve highly etc. It is exhausting.

It's also a choice to do much of that stuff. And it must've been a while ago your mum did this. Pre 1990s

@Thechaseison71 not sure what you are trying to say? That it's my choices that make my life overwhelming?

I was trying to point out that guidance on how best to raise babies was different for my Mum and she reflected that her babies slept better. She said that women were treated differently post birth so the recovered better. She didn't need to work so her life was less overwhelming.

Yes I have made different choices to my Mum but many of them were based on the recommended advice or my financial situation so not really a choice, more being responsible.

It's a choice to not sleep train and put babies in their own room after 6 months. It's a choice to have them at 40 rather than at 25. It's a choice to be worried about keeping up a certain lifestyle . A choice to try and hothouse kids and never let them get on with occupying themselves

Not you personally but people in general

I agree with hospitals being a pain and never letting mothers have a rest but tbh you normally are out within 6-12 hours ( even in 1991)

The breastfeeding is also a choice that of course can make sure you are stuck doing all the feeding and night feeding at toddler age is definitely a choice, they don't physically need it and won't starve

And before you go on about my" out of date ," stuff I have young grandchildren.

My daughter don't make themselves slaves to either the kids or the schools. Kids are all thriving

On and I worked full time in the 90s as did my mum in the 70s. And there was much less maternity leave.16 weeks when I had eldest and think less for my mum

I do think kids do far more clubs these day then we did back in the day. I also used to walk myself back and forth to any clubs (this was primary school). My parents definitely did not taxi me around like parents do these days

So some of it is a choice and we could cut some clubs out. Or choose easier ones - so mine would do the club attached to the school so no ferrying around. I had two evenings a week where I had to take them to sport and that was enough.

It did make me chuckle during lockdown when so many people were full of "this is great! No rushing from club to club! We spend so much more time as a family! The children are way more relaxed!". How many of those people stuck with the no (or fewer) clubs after lockdown I wonder? I'm guessing not very many. Shame more people are not able to stick to the courage of their convictions that sometimes doing less is doing more.