I need some outside perspective because I feel like I’m being completely twisted here.
A few weeks ago my husband and I had an argument. It started earlier in the day when he made a comment that upset me. I told him I was hurt by it, but he deflected and things escalated. I then became quite cold with him, but I wasn’t shouting or being aggressive.
Later that evening it blew up and during the argument he threw a chair. It wasn’t aimed directly at me, but it was in the next room with the door open and I was standing near the doorway approximately 3 meters away. It was done in anger.
Since then he has refused to apologise, staying I drove him to it. He says it wasn’t intimidating, that he was “in control” because he knew where he was throwing it, and that I “drove him to it”. I’ve said he may not have intended to intimidate me, but it did feel that way, especially as he’s bigger than me.he completely dismisses that.
When I was telling him that it was intimidating, he said if I say that one more time he will jump in front of a train. I genuinely don't think he understands how it can be intimidating. He’s also said its because I was premenstrual.
He told me he spoke to a friend who said he doesn’t blame him because I had apparently been goading him all day, which is not the case. I was quieter because I was upset, not spoiling for a fight.
He also brings up that about 8 years ago I threw a glass of water over him. I felt awful about, apologies for at the time, took accountability , and have never done anything like that since. I know it was totally unacceptable and crossed a line.
For context, about 3 years ago he also threw a pram in another room during a rage.
All I’ve wanted is an apology and acknowledgment that throwing something in anger isn’t okay, but he refuses and keeps turning it back on me. He is rationalising it and making it out to be my fault. We are at an impasse now.
I feel like I'm going mad being told this wasn’t a big deal and that I'm the problem for reacting to it.
He expects an apology from me, AIBU to not want to give one?