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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to resent my mum dismissing my career and ambitions?

52 replies

Treesandbeez · 30/04/2026 08:06

This has been a topic of frustration for years. Is me feeling angry about this ridiculous?

My mum started working parttime when she was 30, before she had kids. She had simple admin jobs (nothing wrong with that in general) until she retired when she was 50. My dad was the breadwinner, he worked in a good finance job but climbed the ladder without a degree. Their marriage is difficult and they argue a lot, it’s never a nice atmosphere in the house.

I moved out when I was 18, and got a masters and now have a 12 year career & management job in finance that pays me a great wage. However my job is also very demanding and can be 50+ hours & 45 minute commute each way. Im single and honestly all my mum wants for me is to find a partner, work parttime and keep the house in order. I get constant digs about how I need to tidy my house, saying “she is joking”, I can never vent about a stressful day because “you chose this life” and when I did my degrees it was a constant of “why put this stress on yourself”. I’ve gone to a top 5 uni and it helped me a lot. I feel like I never have a safe space to express my stress as she has zero understanding what its like to have a demanding job. We have arguments about this frequently.

This sounds mad but sometimes I just wish my mum was ambitious so she could give me advice & understand me. Is this problem common? My friends all seem to have proud parents. My mum thinks ambition & working a lot is gross. How do I handle this? I really struggle to be around her and I don’t want to be mean.

OP posts:
TwilightAb · 30/04/2026 13:32

I understand your frustration. My Mum is always going on about my brothers latest promotion and how hard he works etc... I have 2 children and a career I have worked hard for. When I talk about my job I get 'Well of course your children won't always be little', I feel it is so dismissive and that my role should be mother and having a career is almost like a hobby, so frustrating!

Treesandbeez · 04/05/2026 20:57

Hi everyone, just want to say thank you for the very thoughtful responses. It has really helped me and given me some food for thought and a new approach on how to handle it, how I can better spend time with my mum. Thanks for the words of encouragement too. I will also try to be more mindful of my mums world and just talk about topics we have in common. This community is great, thank you again xxx

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