To wonder if intense attraction can be one-sided?

[Sparklesbigtoe]

There’s a guy I see now and again through work (although we don’t work together or for the same company). I don’t know him well but I’m insanely attracted to him, my legs go like jelly and I actually get shaky when I’m anywhere near him. I do manage to keep my cool around him thank god and we’ve had a few nice but brief chats. He’s managed to drop into the conversation he’s single (in a very natural way). I’m single too and I feel this intensely powerful energy between us whenever we’re in close proximity to each other. In your experience, can this energy be one-sided and he be completely oblivious or is it usually a mutual energy coming from the connection between both people? Or am I imagining it?

I get what you mean re: chemistry - it’s different to just fancying someone. I don’t know the answer but I think it’s very interesting.

I also get it re: not asking him out, I would never ask a man out - I’m not self assured enough. 50 years and 8 grandkids later I’d still be wondering if he’s really that into me lol

Of course it can. History is littered with examples.

If you like him, you're going to have to make it known and see if he feels the same way.

Of course it can be- stalking and harassment wouldn’t be a crime if it was always mutual 🤣

Yes it can definitely definitely definitely be one sided. It can also be an indication of what you are attracted to, and might not be that person in particular.

I'm assuming you've never been hit on by a manky looking loser you wouldn't touch wearing full hazmat who's convinced you're the love of his life? If you have, your question is answered. If you haven't, then take it from me, the answer is yes.

Yes but being hit on doesn’t always equal chemistry or even the person fancying you. It just means they think you’re hot/look like their type and are thinking ‘why not give it a shot’. Thinking someone’s attractive and actually physically being attracted to them are not the same thing

You are just going to have to flirt a bit harder then to make it obvious - make eye contact and hold his gaze for longer etc - do the bright eyed delighted/excited to see him with a big smile - no words needed - just encouragement. How do you act around him?

No. But there are plenty of cases where people find you physically attractive AND are attracted to you, because they like your personality and you are maybe nice and friendly to them or have a lot in common. They might then develop strong feelings for you, and mistake them as being reciprocal.
'Chemistry' can easily be misread when what you're seeing is friendliness, warmth, even flirting for ego purposes.
I'm not saying this is what's happening to you, I'm just saying that it happens and absolutely you can have strong feelings that are not returned. In fact it's incredibly common.
That's why so many people get devastated when they're rejected or left, they feel something the other person obviously doesn't.

I don’t know BUT in the past I’ve had a few amazing connections with the opposite sex, the way you describe, and we’ve gone on to date for a while and have a good time so I would say most of the time it’s obvious

Yeah I see what you’re saying. I’m trying to think back to having this feeling before with people. I’ve definitely fancied people before and it either wasn’t reciprocated or I never knew whether it was but I wouldn’t necessarily say there was ‘chemistry’, I just knew I fancied them. But the few times in the past I’ve felt actual chemistry like this it’s turned into a relationship or it’s been reciprocated

I've definitely had men tell me we've got huge chemistry - and we do click, have great fun and I enjoy their company a lot - but I don't fancy them. I even had one guy who was convinced of this and ended up stalking me... Chemistry and attraction can absolutely be one-sided!

*Just to add that doesnt means this particular man doesn't fancy you back - but as a general question yes chemistry can be one-sided

In my experience you usually both know and mutually feel it, it’s in the atmosphere. Also I’ve found that if a man is interested they are usually pretty obvious. Have more chats with him, gauge the energy, get lunch with him one day purely just to get to know him one on one.

You’re describing a crush. Those are very much one sided.

Chemistry means different things to different people. From the limited interactions, this sounds more like a crush or intense attraction. Don't let your emotions allow you to misread his friendliness or your attraction as something more than it is.

Having said that, he may very well like you too but you won't really know if you have chemistry or if this thing is reciprocal if you don't spend more time with each other outside of work.
And also, because of the overlapping work factor, he may be cautious to ask you out, so another thing to keep in mind.

My opinion - suggest something group-related or light like lunch, as everyone else says. It's a good opportunity for him to give you clear signals outside a work setting and a chance for him to ask you out.

And also OP, I get not wanting to ask a guy out but I don't think hard and fast rules and check boxes when it comes to relationships is always helpful. Sometimes being uncompromising can mean you miss out on an amazing connection.

This feels different to a crush though, maybe I haven’t described it very well. With crushes I’ve had in the past, I’m well aware I fancy the person but I don’t feel the same kind of tension, energy, electricity in the air between us when we talk/are in close proximity. The only time I can actually think of having this before was with an old flatmate when I was in my early 20s. We’d be sitting on the sofa next to each other and there’d be this crazy kind of charged energy and sexual tension between us, like we both knew we both wanted to rip each other’s clothes off! There were no other signs that he felt the same other than this energy I could feel, but it was so obvious, it couldn’t have all just come from my side. If it was a one-sided crush I don’t think the charged atmosphere & energy would’ve been there. Turns out he told his friend (and our other flatmate) later that he had to go have a cold shower after sitting on the sofa with me!