To wonder if intense attraction can be one-sided?

[Sparklesbigtoe]

There’s a guy I see now and again through work (although we don’t work together or for the same company). I don’t know him well but I’m insanely attracted to him, my legs go like jelly and I actually get shaky when I’m anywhere near him. I do manage to keep my cool around him thank god and we’ve had a few nice but brief chats. He’s managed to drop into the conversation he’s single (in a very natural way). I’m single too and I feel this intensely powerful energy between us whenever we’re in close proximity to each other. In your experience, can this energy be one-sided and he be completely oblivious or is it usually a mutual energy coming from the connection between both people? Or am I imagining it?

I would also love to see answers to this question!!

If you are both single what's the issue? Just ask if wants to get coffee, then Craig David it from there.

Best answer ever - possibly on the whole of the internet.

It absolutely can be one sided.

However if you like him and you are both single, ask him out.

Yes it can. But ask him out. At least then you know.

I’m 60 and still don’t know the answer to that question

I think it probably can be. I don’t actually know for sure but assume so - some people for example are extremely attractive and loads of people will be going jelly legged around them - doesn’t mean they fancy all those people!

However in this scenario where you’re both single and seem to get on, why no ask him out?

I'd say it definitely can be one sided. I've been on the receiving end of someone infatuated with me and it wasn't reciprocated, and at the moment I am 'admiring', quite intensley (yet discretely), a colleague from afar who is too young for me. He's definitely not having the same feelings, I'm sure of that!

But forget everything I just said immediately, and go with the amazing Craig David advice. Enjoy your chill session on the Sunday!

It can definitely be one sided. And attraction doesn't always mean the same thing to both people anyway

Can be one sided imo

Can be both

Chemistry is mutual
Attraction/crushes not inherently, why would it be

which are you? You haven’t described how he is during your interactions

Mutual attraction happens all the time. He has mentioned he is single, ask him out for a drink.

that’s a better description of what I meant - chemistry. I feel there is definite chemistry between us but I have very little to go on because we’ve had so few interactions and there’s always other people around. But isn’t chemistry something you can imagine if you fancy someone?

Attraction definitely can be one sided but him mentioning casually that hes single is a massive hint that he likes you to. I know when ive liked someone ive dropped into conversation that im single and I hope they pick up on the "hint". Just ask would you like coffee sometime.

I felt like this about a guy in my office…we have been together for 20 years. What have you got to lose?

I think attraction can be one sided but mutual chemistry and banter and flirtatious interactions take the willing participation of both people so if you’ve picked up on this it’s likely he feels the same.

Next time you see him try to drop in that you’re single or suggest grabbing a coffee/drink after work on some loose work basis if you need a veil to hide behind should he say no

I believe it can be. You’ve built him up in your mind so ask him for a coffee because you’ve nothing to lose but don’t be disappointed if he’s…disappointing!

I wish I was confident enough to ask a guy out but I never have been. Luckily, in the past when there’s been chemistry like this (although there’s never been anything quite like this before- I’ve always known them better or had confirmation from friends or whatever) they’ve always asked me out or it’s just happened naturally. I know people will say well then I’ll miss out, he’ll move onto someone else, but ime if a guy is genuinely interested he’ll ask a woman out. I just don’t have the mental resilience to be able to deal with the rejection if I’ve got it wrong, I know I don’t. That probably sounds a bit pathetic, but I’ve always taken rejection really badly. Plus, if he interested enough he’ll ask. I wouldn’t want him to be on the fence and be swayed by me asking him, I want him to be sure enough to ask me.

Is he actually flirtatious with you in a subtle way? I think you can often pick up if it's mutual but try not to look for something that might not be there as well.

In my experience it can. I'd say about half the men that I've been highly attracted to didn't have an ounce of attraction to me. At first I would get caught up in those feelings and misread every little thing but then realize that they didn't feel the same way I felt about them.

Maybe he wants you to be sure enough to ask him rather than being swayed by him asking you out? Maybe he thinks you should fancy him enough to overcome your fear of rejection for long enough to ask him if he wants a coffee, otherwise you’re just lukewarm?

I've never felt that intensely and not had it reciprocated. I've had people interested in me where I haven't felt the same but I don't know if there feelings was as intense. I feel like the chemistry I have with my DH and with a couple of people before couldn't have been so intense without it being on both sides. The chemistry was hyped up with the signals I got from them too, that look in the eye, subtle touch. Are you getting these kind of signals from the man in question?

I've had people declare their love and chemistry for me that I'm not interested in... So it definitely can be one sided. Flirting etc and "clicking" generally mean you both like eachother - but one party could still just be flirting for the ego boost rather than actually fancying the other person. But the only way to know for sure if he feels the same is to ask him!

I think it depends although similar happened to me, I was crushing on someone I saw every now and again through work, I was in a unhappy relationship with my kids dad though and so wouldn't have acted on it and I thought at the time that it was just a harmless crush to take my mind off my crappy home life, my crush was with someone anyway, I left the job and so lost contact.
A few years ago me and my crush connected on a dating site after not speaking for over a decade I didn't even twig it was him to start with, we are now a couple. I think my body knew he was going to be important to me one day even if I didn't.
Good luck X