MIL 23 years in uk doesn’t speak a word of English!!!!!!!

[Aidensmum123]

Am I right to find this crazy and infuriating!

when I say doesn’t speak a word of English, i don’t mean her English I bad.

I almost literally mean won’t speak a word of English!!

other than ok, maybe, good, bye, hi.

oh and she can’t do basic stuff like use email, use banking, etc

its absolutely insane.

now, I usually won’t care as not my business, but she has been forcing me, her daughter and my husband to constantly translate for her and do admin work for her. Before us, it was her ex.

this takes sometimes HOURS!!!!!

FOR YEARS.

appointments, online shopping, tax returns, banking, etc etc etc etc

when we are out it’s constantly what did he say, what did she say

calls and text everyday, make appointment for me, I need to buy this online, I need to send this email etc etc

It got to point recently she began shoving phone in our face, do this.

we showed how to use google translate and translate page she still insists she can’t work computer and do any of this.

She is treating us like her personal secretary.

(her sibling same age who lived in uk 10 years speaks English and she was housewife for 12 years to well off man she could of learned then)

I had enough and stopped but my husband and his sister can’t because she is their mum.

like “oh she’ll get in trouble if she doesn’t pay this on time! Or this appointment is very important for her health! It’ll just be quick”

my husband signed her up for English classes she would skip them. He said he will only help if she tries learning English 10 minutes a day. She got very angry and began yelling at him fine!!! Fine!

Her sister who lives with her confirmed she isn’t. She watches tv and YouTube all day on couch in her free time.

we realise this is our fault to enabling this so we decided to set boundaries.

we confronted her about this and said either you will learn English or you will pay us or hire someone for your services. We have been enabling you and please understand this cannot continue. This takes up a lot of our time. We feel used.

She then tells if we do this, she will cut contact with the grandkids and my sister in law disabled son!!! And they will never see her again.

she hasn’t spoken to them in months how and the kids are upset asking why and they want to see her.

the grandkids love her so much.

am I right to be very disgusted by all this.

sorry I’m just so annoyed and ranting

This happens so much it’s surreal , I help a couple if friends and family with big stuff but for daily stuff they know enough. My own mums English is not perfect but she can do well in her own .
I would suggest you ignoring her and she will find a way .

Yep, my dad, lives in Spain. Not a word of Spanish. Can’t read it, can’t write it.

Sticks to his own English speaking community.

Even if you don't care about respecting other people or wasting their time, I just can't fathom why anybody would choose to move to a country and limit their life so very much by not speaking the country's language.

And I do 100% include the immigrant Brits - or ex-pats as many seem to persist in calling themselves - who move to Spain but refuse to accept that they have chosen to live in a Spanish-speaking country.

That sounds very unusual. What does she help children learn and how does she teach them given the lack of English language skills?

Racist clap trap

How does she pay taxes etc? How do they book and pay her?!

How does she manage with her grandchildren if she can't speak to them ?

And also, how does she manage with doctors' appointments ?

This makes no sense.

So due to the actions of some complete strangers somewhere else in the world, the OP is not being unreasonable to be frustrated that her MIL won't learn English after 23 years in the UK?

Batshit.

That makes just about everyone unreasonable to feel frustrated about anything, because 'Somewhere in the world...'

With the OP's help! 🤣

How old is she now? In her late 80’s she isn’t likely to change now!

Love the evasive responses, still not saying which language

What a drip feed

Do better op

We do all this for her. Or her sibling. Before it was her ex husband.

What is her own language? I am confused

And still giving children lessons online at 88..she is amazing ( English speaking or not)

Quite a few posters have asked you what her language is. I’m trying to piece together this puzzle 🧩

She teaches languages, but won't learn herself....not a very good advert!!!
YANBU She should practice what she preaches

The language is Russian

theres a lot of people from former soviet countries like Lithuania, Moldova, Russian speaking Ukrainians etc hiring her

Why did she move? Sounds like she doesn't really want to be here. Is her home country safe? Or was she displaced by war etc?

I can imagine if I ended up living in a country that contributed to the destruction of my own just to keep my children safe I wouldn't be rushing to "become like them".

I think it's likely less about laziness but some kind of mental blockade that if she learns English she becomes English and loses who she really is.

Look, I'm as nosey as fuck too but I can't see how this matters?

The fact is this woman's been in the UK for 23 years and can't be arsed to learn English, because she's relying heavily on everyone else.

I guessed about a page ago it was Russian. I think the wealthy clients gave it away!

Okay, it's not very similar to English and you have to use a different alphabet; but it shouldn't be impossible for her to learn.

Here in Germany, unless you are an EU citizen or have special considerations under Brexit, you have to reach a certain level in German to retain your residency permit. My friend's Kosovan SIL didn't bother learning until the threat of losing her visa awakened her enthusiasm for study. There are exemptions for age and disability, but otherwise you are expected to learn.

Are you always this unpleasant?!

Uh-oh - I can just see the Daily Heil or Express lifting this story and insisting that the 10 million immigrants [sic] who live here don't speak a word of English and that they should "all be sent back".

I have a friend whose parents had decamped to France 20 years ago, and whilst her mum learned and mastered French, Dad never bothered, and when Mum passed away last year, he has been struggling a bit thereafter, relying on the few locals who speak some English, and remote support from his kids. If you were to move away, what would she do? I do rather think she will remain the same - why should she change, if her every whim is being pandered to?

That is very interesting. Thanks for replying.

This sounds sensible, with appropriate exemptions in certain situations. Working in the NHS the use of expensive interpreters , often for people here many years was shocking

That reminds me of something that DD1 told me, she had a woman being prepped for a general who spoke not a word of English, although she seemed to understand a fair bit. She was in her 60's and had been in the UK since she was 16! DD said that it made everything take so much longer and they ended up having to bump someone on to the next days list because of it.