Should I expect my mum to tidy my house?

[Airwaverly]

Would you guys agree that this situation is weird or AIBU?

My mum provides childcare for my 5yo DD and has done since I went back to work when she was 2yo. From when I got pregnant my mum offered to take care of DD so we agreed an arrangement and I pay her 500 per month to take care of her 3 days a week. Most days she picks her up before 9am drops her to school and then collects her at 2 and watches her in my house until I finish work at 5pm (i work from home). On school holidays she has her for the full day 3 days a week. They have a lovely relationship and my mum is great with my daughter.
For the first 2 years everything was great in fact I would say my mum went above and beyond she would have the house spotless, while still taking care of a crazy toddler. However in the last year things have drastically changed my mum no longer does anything other than babysit so even though I tidy up all the breakfast stuff on my lunch break by the time I finish work at 5 the house is absolutely upside down. My daughter is 5 and is good to put things away but needs to be reminded, my mum obviously isn't reminding her as there will be lego and magnatiles strewn throughout the house along with pages of colouring and soft toys. Often my DDs school uniform will be left on the floor collecting dog hair and any snacks/drinks/coffee cups etc will just be left on the coffee table instead of being put into the dishwasher. My mums own house is immaculate and she is extremely fit she just completed her 2nd half marathon (so its not a lack of energy thing) . I find it hard to start even cooking dinner because of the mess all over the countertops. I don't know what changed and my mum is not someone who you you can talk to about these things so i wouldn't bring it up with her. I don't expect her to be a full time cleaner but even just tidy up a little bit by putting the used dishes in the dishwasher! Or am I being a spoiled brat?

If you want a better service pay someone else. It would cost more. You’re paying mates rates and get similar service. You could explain to mum that it’s overwhelming you and that you are looking for different childcare options. She can make her decisions based on that.

I find this whole thing very bizarre. I can't imagine accepting money to look after my GCs unless I was really struggling financially. Are you and your mum close otherwise? It just seems very alien to my circles.

£500 for 12 days babysitting? Just over £40 pd? That’s a bargain.

I was about to say don't be ridiculous, you can't expect your mum to do your tidying but then I saw that you pay her! And £500 a month! That's ridiculous! Who charges their child to babysit their grandchild?

YANBU

She should get your child to put away her toys, put dirty dishes in the dishwasher and wipe down work surfaces after food or a messy activity. That’s what I would expect a nanny to do.

My mum use to say to me when I would get her to have my little boy, just remember I am getting older so she probably is finding it hard work.

Time to change the current arrangement as it isn't working any more for you. Nothing wrong in that. Things change all the time.
Time to get DD out the house at school and wrap around care OR if your mum protests then she needs to have DD at her own house. The status quo can't continue because the mess is too much on top of a full time job.
Think that's totally reasonable.
Nothing about what u said is spoilt brat territory.
Everyone has their limit on what they can manage and you are over yours hence the need for arrangement to change.

My mother in law is absolutely brilliant and so great with the kids but if she has been in charge of kids and dogs (and my kids are young teens and are rarely seen) I come home to utter chaos. I can’t understand how she accomplishes it to be honest 😂. However I just brace myself that I will need to do a tidy round - I think she would be hurt if I mentioned it.
edited to finish the post cos I hadn’t finished before I managed to press send

"You're paying her"...

£500 a month for 3 days a week- that is nothing, the mum is absoliutely doing the spoilt daughter a favour.

OP, send your child to nursery, problem solved, but may cost you a lot more!

This is interesting. It sounds like something happened and your mother is reacting. Is she a little passive aggressive? Does she have the type of friends who may have told her it is too much? Might you have said something that bothered her? Do you have the type of relationship where you could say, "Did I say something to offend?" Another thing you could say is that you really appreciated it when she tidied up and you're sorry if it seemed like you took it for granted, and you would like to offer her more to tidy up when she is there, like an extra $200 a month. See what she says, and then look around for someone else. Peace.

I would talk to her and say you’re really trying to teach DD to tidy up after herself so if she could help you with that you would appreciate it.
Leave the dirty dishes chat for another day.

Clearly she thought keeping your house immaculate as well as looking after her grand daughter was too much.,together it's a full time job really.ldepfinitely wouldn't think £500 a month covers both.
Just because she has enough energy doesn't mean she wants to clean,in my experience very few people enjoy cleaning and tidying,so why would you do your daughter's as well as your own, it's likely she has noticed you are not putting much effort in, presumably she cleaned her own house and looked after you-why should she clean yours and be working all the time when clearly you are not?

Clearly I'm not what?

I would be doing a star chart for DD if I was you. So she gets into the habit of tidying up after herself and gets a reward at the end of the week or month if when you finish work all her toys are away and HER mess is sorted.

Not a lot you can do about your mum being messy, but a few plates and cups will be minimal compared to tidying up toys/ mashed up playdo etc

Wow, I'm amazed at this!. I look after a 3 year old grandchild 2 days a week at my house (around 10 hours a day) and feed GC two meals a day at my own expense.
I've never expected payment, but haven't even had extra at Christmas or birthdays, never mind anything else! If I was being paid, I'd certainly clean up. I'm feeling very hard done to reading this.

£40 for a 3.5 hour day? £11.50 an hour is pretty a pretty sweet deal to care for your grandchild.

Your initial comment made you sound highly overinvested.

Mates' rates is when a professional service is offered for less to a friend or family member. OP's mum is not a professional. It's informal on both sides.

You’re not!

£500 a month! I look after my grandchildren for nothing and I tidy up and make sure the kitchen is clean etc. I’d be doing loads more if I was getting paid £500 because I’d feel so guilty.

Working all the time.

It’s weird because grandchild is looked after by his great grandma similar hours for zero charge!

It sounds like your mum wanted to retire early but needed to make up her money somewhere (you!!) Sort school bus and wrap around care ASAP.

I dare you to talk to your mother and ask her why. I think deep down you know the answer.