To leave DP due to his refusal to look after his health

[lonelyinlondon99]

Firstly, I apologise for how long this is but i feel it necessary so you all get a picture of how desperate this situation is.

DP of 7yrs is slowly killing himself. He was diagnosed with fibro about 3yrs ago & hasn't worked since. He is also T2 diabetic (insulin 4 times a day) but his diet is absolutely woeful. His weight has slowly crept up and is now out of control.

Mcdonalds every day (and it's not just a cheeseburger it's a large meal with a fizzy drink, 6 nuggets or he will order 5 chicken mayos)
Huge bowl of crunch nut cornflakes every morning for breakfast with whole milk
Hardly ever drinks water & can easily drink 2ltrs of pepsi max in a day if not more
Huge portions of whatever he eats. He will get two of whatever he fancies from Greggs (2 steak bakes, 2 sausage rolls & 2 doughnuts ect) or order 5 separate dishes from the Chinese / Indian excluding the rice / chips / poppadoms that he has to have of course. Whatever he doesn't eat he has for breakfast the same day.
He has take aways 4 out of the 7 days. I always make food at home and he will have that too.
Has sleep apnea but refuses to where his masks as he doesn't like it (another reason I sleep with my son also)
Eats copius amounts of sweets & chocolate with reckless abandon
Falls asleep throughout the day

Always moaning his body/ kidneys hurt and is constantly tired
Refuses to change his diet
Never walks anywhere, always drives. We live exactly 5 doors away from our GP surgery and he still drives there.
Has an excuse or reason for everything.

Hasn't got up with our son in about 2.5yrs. I sleep with him as he is on the autism pathway & climbs on the windowsill / headboard and i'm scared he will get tangled in the curtains or unlock the window and escape (ground floor flat but next to a very very busy road) so it's safer for him to sleep with me until we can afford to make the room my DP sleeps in safe for DS to sleep in after a OT assessment which is due in May.
He lays in bed till gone 8 or 9am (ds can decide to be up for the day at 3am/4am and not sleep again until around 1pm)
He will occasionally hoover or wash up
Never cooks. If he can't stick it in the microwave or airfryer he won't do it all house work, cooking & laundry falls on me.

I could live again with the breath I waste on him asking, begging and pleading for him to look after himself. As I said our 3yr old is on the autism pathway, he is a runner, no sense of danger and just runs and runs and runs until he is caught and he will never be able to run after him if he ever breaks loose from his harness. I don't know what to do, nothing I say sinks in. I am thinking of leaving as we are dictated by him what outings we do as he cannot walk far at all without sweat pouring out of him & he has to rest every 5/10mins and it's infuriating. I wanted to go to the seaside and zoo soon (separate days) but he wants to hire a mobilty scooter to use both visits and it's instantly put me off going.
I love walking and being outside (i can drive just hate it especially in London) and DS loves being outside too.

We can't even think of going on holiday abroad or uk due to his size and mobilty. He got weighed at Boots 3 days ago and is almost 27st & he is only 5'9 he doesn't even try and help himself.
He's 35 & i'm scared he won't see 40 the way he is going. His pip & esa never lasts as goes on his huge food consumption & petrol so i pay for 90% of bills, food shopping, clothes for ds and whatever else he may need.
So sorry this is so long, both my parents died when before I was 20 & I have no siblings / auntys/ friends to confide in.

😂😆😃😀😋

Anyway, what'll happen is you'll end up unwell yourself, and that'll be down to him. Get out while you can.

YANBU, OP. A friend of mine is in a similar situation to you, but she's married to hers. I've never seen anyone eat like he does (I'm seriously obese myself). My friend's husband is, I think, reacting to couple of bereavements in a short space of time. Has anything similar happened to your partner?

"Stay with him and you will be changing the dressings for his diabetic ulcers until he dies." @Muffinmam

Agreed!

This was my first thought too.

OP you are already a carer to your child and as I have a son who is similar (mine now all grown) let me tell you, you need ALL your energy for your child, and for yourself. Being a parent carer to a child with special needs is tough. But you sound like a wonderful and caring mum.

This man is bringing nothing to you or your son's home life here. Please ask him to leave.

Us mumsnetters can be here in your corner. We will support and encourage, just keep posting.

The things he is saying while he is driving. Yuck. Does your son hear him talk like that about women?! 😔😡

Another poster is spot on saying he is disrespectful of you and your mum and definitely called it accurately that he doesn't respect women.

You deserve better. Being single is better than being with a selfish partner. Trust me I know.

Absolutely tragic situation but there is a way to turn things around if he’s willing to listen and understand he has a major problem. Only he can do the work needed to recover.

I think many women would have already walked away by now.

No, they don’t. And misinformation like that Isn’t helpful. Drug and alcohol addictions are not disabilities as defined by the equality Act 2010. Unless the addict has another disability, or one caused by the underlying addiction, and which qualifies following assessment, they will not get PIP.

You are carrying him, he is not paying his way or contributing to his sons wellbeing. It is time to be tough and tell him he has to go as he is not a partner nor a good role model to his son. There is no happiness in this relationship.

Apparently I'm a grass for reporting a post like this. Which is offensive

Are you saying that all benefits claimants are on drugs or alcoholics. Because that sounds like it to me. They are the very thing that they accuse you of.

Would you like me to link all my posts showing me standing up for social housing tenants OF WHICH I AM ONE. Might take a while as ive been on here for fourteen years. Ah but if i do that i will be accused of a merail which i suspect is what you are hoping for Sorry but your little plan didnt work. Better luck next time

The reason i mentioned people with drug and alcohol problems is because they get treated way WAY better by society than overweight ppl do. I have an abusive alcoholic living underneath me who gets classed as vulnerable. Its nothing to do with fucking benefits. Its the way society sees overweight ppl. They are the safe prejudice.

By the sounds of it he’s fallen into food addiction. He could be drinking all day instead he is eating. There’s functioning and non-functioning addicts and he’s a non-functioning one.

It’s absolutely fine to leave a non-functioning addict.

Your life would be much easier if you only had your son to look after and you’d be better off financially too.

No. But I've seen some of your posts slagging off people on benefits. Don't talk tosh. There was no little plan. Don't flatter yourself. You're just spreading misinformation

No one has accused me of being a drug user or an alcoholic on these boards. Hth

Link please.

Sorry what?

A link to a thread where i slag off benefit claimants. To back up what you are saying

My ex boyfriend is very much like this. He's 54 now and has had two heart attacks and has heart failure but he still can't control what he eats. He's full of good intentions but can't seem to understand that he has to start right now and not in the future when the weather is better etc. He's autistic. Not that all autistic people are like this (I'm certainly not) but some are.

It's not your DP's fault exactly but you don't have to ruin your life too. I hope he doesn't move in with his mum and ruin her life though. You have enough on your plate though without becoming your DP's carer as well.

You just posted that "druggies and alkies" get Pip

OP I'm sorry your post is being hijacked by people who just want to have a go at each other.

As others have said, you and your child deserve better than this

Can you take your little spats elsewhere please. You are posting on a vulnerable woman's thread who is seeking help. Turn your attention to her.

He is setting a terrible example to your child

And you said you had seen me do it elsewhere So you should be able to find it

OP how on earth is he keeping his blood sugar under control if he’s eating like this and not exercising. ? Is he aware of the damage he’s silently doing to his organs with constant blood glucose spikes ?

He’s running a high risk of cardiovascular disease, peripheral arterial disease, kidney failure and even blindness if he doesn’t do something. Not to mention that diabetic leg and foot ulcers will be high on the list of risks too and if he develops peripheral arterial disease the blood flow to his lower legs will be reduced, leaving him at risk of amputation. The longer you stick around the higher the chance you will become his carer for any one, or even a combination of these things - and all his own doing. And it will be a nightmare for all concerned.

If he’s been offered Mounjaro on the NHS then it’s a pretty safe bet he’s well into the danger zone. The drug has some side effects when you first start taking it, but they lessen with time. If he’s refused this help after such a short time then IMO he’s a lost cause and it would be relationship ending for me l’m afraid.

No. I'm not going to be referred to as a grass and have someone state that "druggies and alkies" get Pip and they get treated so well by society without challenging it.

Leave him. He sounds full of self-pity and, instead of addressing his problems himself, he lashes out at all the women around him. I’d be very clear that his problems are of his making.

You’d be so much happier without him - and you’d probably have more money too if you’re financing his huge food intake.

You have done it elsewhere