To feel a tad discriminated against?

[juicygrape]

So I am a single parent of a teenage son who has played football since he was young.

We moved areas last year so were looking for a new club for him to join for this season quite late (the week before the season started!). We found a local club seeking players on Facebook and he had a trial with them and they took him on. 1 division lower than what he was previously playing in, but he’s just happy to play.

He's played every game of the season except for the last 2, due to be left out. Last year the team were second from the bottom, now they are second from the top. I am not an expert but I believe my lad plays well as is as good as anyone else on the team, he’s always had lots of game time. His Dad goes to watch him too and knows more about it than me and says he is a decent player.

Anyway, a conversation with one of the coaches regarding next season, it has come about that they will keep him for next season, but as a “reserve”. When I queried why, the coach said-

“It’s not fair on the other players and families who all turn up and support, to have their lads sat on the bench until the last 10 mins of the game due to us having a lot of players. We’d prefer to give priority to the boys who’s families come and watch the games so they can see them play”.

I admit I don’t often watch a full game- I have a disability and find standing and even sitting on a fold out chair for the period of the whole game very difficult.

It could be an excuse absolutely, and maybe my boy isn’t as decent as I think he is… because surely if he is a good player they’d have him playing regardless!

AIBU

Wow. Nasty.
The old standing families must have complained about your boy playing so much. They probably felt jealous and ousted your boy out.

Sad but nothing you can do about. I hope you'll find a better club.

The 'community' of this club sounds incredibly bitter and narrow minded.

It’s U14.

We’ve never given the coaches any hassle at all, this is the first time I’ve really approached the coach to ask a more serious question after him being sat out. I just wanted to ask if there was anything he needed to work on etc, and asked about next season. It wasn’t to change anything, I just had in my mind I didn’t want to be left looking for a club last min again.

And like I said he always shows up rain or shine, to every training, we never go on holiday as I can’t afford it so in half terms and holidays etc he’s usually one of a handful there.

There is only one team at this club for his age group. There also isn’t that many clubs close to us. Most I enquired with were full last season. It’s still a bit of a drive for us (a few villages over). This one was advertising for players. He also went to trial for the only other club I contacted that had spaces. It is the bottom of the bottom league. He was happy enough to go there if that was the only option but he was playing first division before and it was definitely below his ability. I don’t want that to sound like I’m bigging him up but it would have been a big change. This club was still a drop down but out of the two options seemed a better fit for him.

His Dad won’t be going to the meeting to argue his place, I don’t think either of us want him to be somewhere he isn’t really wanted.

Find a new team, they can do whatever they want, some of the other parents may have complained that their kids don't get to play now your son is there and they've decided to go with them. Cut your losses, no point being with a team if he can't play.

But the parents all seem so nice, even though I’m not there for the whole games everyone is always really friendly. When he joined a few of them said to me how good he is and how glad they are to have him and how well he’s fit in! He’s got parents player a few times this season too. I don’t know what’s gone on.

When they are advertising for. players they are really advertising for reserves. Good luck to the club finding those loyal reserves. They can hope that all the boys from the established families will always turn up.

Cut your losses, nothing you can do here. Is your lad at secondary and is there a team?

It may have been just one family complaining and pulling strings. These things happen and are usually instigated by jealous / envious pushy parents. I wouldn't have my boy sit in reserve for most of the matches, what a waste of time. If it's a village, some of these families may go back decades if not centuries. These things can be so weird.

Yeah that's blatant ableism.

I hope you say 'well the reason why I can't come and watch is because I have disabilities.'

And see what his response would be.

It's also discriminatory to people who simply need to be at work at the times the team plays.

Should people just fail to turn up to work, miraculously heal their ailments and be present for every game else their kid gets cut?!

Honestly he should look for a new club. But not before challenging this prejudiced dick.

I guess what’s changed (and I know nothing about football), is possibly what PP said, which is when they move up to U15, they don’t have rolling subs anymore, and just have players and reserves. The parents were nice to you when your lad was winning matches for them, but their kids were still getting play time. They’re not so keen when they realise the rule change as they move up an age grade, means it’s likely your boy will be playing, and theirs will be on the bench as a reserve. Could that be it?

I hope you say 'well the reason why I can't come and watch is because I have disabilities.'
This is worth a try. Also, is there any chance you could volunteer with the club? That might change things.

This is what I would guess has happened too.

As parent of a football playing teen, if the coach was telling me that, I'd find another team for my son to play on, and one where the coach would appreciate his skills!

My DS played for a team for years, and the atmosphere got more and more cliquey. My DS played in defence (wasn't a glory seeker like most the lads) and would often end up with criticism from his own team should he make a mistake, even though he was generally a solid defender, and certainly made fewer mistakes than those up front! We found him a new team to play in (league below) who are just brilliant. A completely different atmosphere and my DS is so much happier. So pleased we made the move and regret not doing it sooner.

As you move up the leagues, more and more kids drop out so lots of teams end up folding.

So as a mum of a kid who has played (and plays) at all levels right through to cat 1 academy and internationally I would say to you, unfortunately thats football.

It doesnt mean your son was bad, or the parents aren’t nice or they don’t think he isn’t a good player at all.

The reason the coaches gave was very thin but it doesn’t matter so please don’t give it a lot of thought.

You can only register a certain amount of kids for a team and keeping everyone happy at grassroots is hard. It’s the coaches decision about who is on the team based on a thousand things - loyalty, ability, friendships, competitiveness, who can play wha position, what position their kid plays etc. which will
have nothing to do with your son.

I have seen coaches cut their own son for big games. I have seen kids get even minutes and frustrated a lot of the kids and parents.

Its a volunteer job so they can do what they like and do. There is a team for everyone so I would suggest moving your son to a team where they value him and he plays regularly.

I totally get that. I get that they can do what they like, I get that no one owes my child anything.

I said right at the top of this thread that I would rather the coach be straight up, rather than give a “thin” reason as you put it… because it made me feel really sh*t as a disabled parent trying to do their best, for not being there as much as other parents because I simply can’t.

And even though I’m no football expert of course I know they can only register a certain amount of players for a team. They were actively seeking new players, hence why we went there.

OP I sense your frustration. I was trying to say you haven’t done anything wrong and I’m sure your son is a great player.

They handled it wrong because they don’t have to abide by any rules and it sucks.. seems like they have a bit of a last in first out mentality.

Sounds like a new team will allow your son to do what he loves so best to move forward.

Just find a new club. That one is being run by dicks

There is something about being a U14 coach that appears to turn some dads who coach into pricks.

It’s a shame it can’t be about fun, friends and fitness.