To expect DH to help pay for my diagnosis?

[Miserablelittlesoul]

I have numerous health conditions but the one that is affecting my life the most is (suspected endometriosis). I’ve had symptoms since I was young but never put 2 and 2 together not that I was aware of the condition anyway.

These past 6 months have been intense and I have pretty much lost my mobility. I’m no longer working anymore and I’ve been denied pip so I have no money coming in at all. We have maxed all the benefits we are entitled too.

We have spent all our savings now. All we have is our pokemon collection that is worth around 20k but we plan to hold on to this as the value keeps increasing.

DH has a 0% credit card with £15k on. He doesn’t want to use it and feels that it’s for emergencies only.

My life is so miserable I do nothing now I stay in the house everyday. I have about 10 good pain free days a month. I’m sad all the time! The house is always a mess and food shopping isn’t being done properly. So when it comes to dinner times it’s a distaster.

DH tries his best with everything but it doesn’t work I need my health back.

AIBU to think this is an emergency? I completely understand why he doesn’t want to. But I can’t wait 8 years for a diagnosis and treatment.

What have you maxed out savings on so far? Private healthcare?

What makes you think using the 15k will be the magic answer??

Why is it 8 years for diagnosis and treatment?

If you are at the point you have used all your savings how would you pay off the credit card if you did use it?
Why would it take 8 years otherwise?

Why would it cost that much? He shouldn't want to see you in pain if he can help

Where are you getting the 8 years from?

Have you actually requested a referral to Gynae via your GP? If not then you need to do this before planning to spend money you haven't got on private healthcare.

This is an emergency. I’d prioritise this over other spending

I have stage 3/4 endometriosis (unsure of actual stage without another lap, but have endometriosis on my ovaries now). I had it diagnosed via a lap on the NHS about ten years ago, I would be wary of getting into debt for a diagnosis as there is very little in the way of effective treatment other than hormonal contraceptives. I had some endo removed during my lap and it made absolutely no difference to my symptoms and grew back worse, the only thing that helped was stopping my periods via the contraceptive pill, which you can do without a diagnosis.

No I don't think he should use his credit card for a diagnosis.
Why does it take 8 years to get a diagnosis and what have you spent all your savings on?

To other posters 8 years is the average time women are on waiting lists for diagnosis

5 minutes on Google will tell you how bad this is for women trying to get NHS treatment

I do hate to say it, but even if you get diagnosed with Endo there isn’t really much they can do in terms of treatment. Have you appealed your PIP decision? What are you wanting to do with the 15k? Have you been referred to a gynaecologist yet?

Why do you think it’ll take 8 years for a diagnosis? And also what are you hoping for in terms of treatment (there isn’t any) I wouldn’t spend £15k hoping for a miracle because there really isn’t a miracle coming and you’ll be in the same position with £15k less

Also PIP is always denied on the first try. You need to appeal this

Twenty years ago I went private for an endo op after the nhs refused to even put me on the (seven year) waiting list.

i was diagnosed in that op and they lasered away most of the endo. It made a massive difference to me and the pain was so much better.

I was then able to work.

if you can pay for an op where they will diagnose and laser in the same op then it can make a massive difference to your quality life and enable you to work.

i’m guessing the private cost now is probably somewhere around 5-8k but for me it was worth it.

That's categorically not true. Mine was approved first time.

That doesn't mean it's the same for everyone, myself and several friends have all been seen and treated by the NHS in around a year, recently.

It took my mum 5 years before a diagnosis NHS went to so many appointments, tried so many treatments, before they eventually got to the right thing. However there's nothing they can give other than try to manage the extreme pain with steroids and pain relief occasionally which wrecks her also and doesn't particularly work tbh. Not sure why it's taking all your savings etc and still no diagnosis if that was private. I agree with your dh tho sadly you can't put yourselves into debt because even tho a diagnosis not sure you will get pip etc..we are currently on third attempt applying for my mum as she had to give up work and quite frankly barely has a life now in bed most of it in pain

Depends, are you planning to go back to work once they’ve done the operation to try and remove it all? If you are then yanbu. If your not and taking a gamble and could forever be out of work yabu.

Cost from 5k.

they offer payment plans.

https://www.circlehealthgroup.co.uk/treatments/laparoscopic-treatment-of-endometriosis#how-much-does-laparoscopic-treatment-of-endometriosis-cost?

I begged the money from a relative.

I'd be selling the Pokémon - what happens if you cant return to work even after a diagnosis/treatment?

How will the credit card be paid off? If you see it as an emergency, sell the cards.

No, that’s wrong. I was given an ongoing long term award first time with no assessment purely based on evidence (I have lupus and other issues). But yes, op does need to appeal.

op I think you need to be more persistent in chasing a diagnosis- if you’re in severe pain you need to turn up to a and e and sit and wait and do it again and again and again until they listen to you. Some of my complex diagnoses took me doing this and being very persistent- one of them (Addisons disease) took 18 months and 2 formal complaints before being diagnosed (and if I hadn’t have been I would have died).

My h got his first time too, was mostly done over the phone as well.

How will it be paid back given how tight things are currently?

Sorry all savings have gone on just existing really since having to leave work and I paid some debts off. Gp has referred me for an ultrasound but haven’t heard anything yet. I am aware that endo can grow back so I understand that it may not cure me so it is a gamble.

This is nuts - we have diagnostics cover with Benenden Health and it costs about £13 a month. It covers you for about 2k ish of diagnostics so you can find out what is wrong at least. They diagnosed my Rheumatoid Arthritis. Even if you get passed back to the NHS, at least with a definite diagnosis it will get the ball rolling.