AIBU to feel hurt my relatives have cut us all off?

[Sarah3110]

My mum has offended my aunties, not purposely but she has upset them. They blocked her and myself and my siblings and all our cousins have cut us out too. I tried reaching out in various ways, I wrote a letter too. I don’t see why we are being ignored when my mum’s at fault, we’re all adults. What do I do? I don’t think this will sort its self easily but I’ve really tried. If only they had tried to talk to us first.

I mean it depends on what's actually gone on, I don't think any of us can tell if it's petty.

If they previously had a good relationship with you, it's awful that they've just cut you off - you are not your mother!

Id stop chasing tbh - people who can just cut off innocent people are not worth the effort of perusing a relationship with!

Ostracism is really psychologically damaging, it’s okay to be upset but I would really question whether you want people in your life who are going to be behave like this. It comes across they are treating you with callousness because ultimately they don’t want to deal with difficulty and so are happy happy to subject you to emotional pain instead. Bollocks to that, it’s horrible

Exactly.

I don't have time for the she said, he said blah blah rubbish irl or plastered on social media. So cutting off isn't a problem and I have done with family in the past. Life is better as a result.
In your case though OP I think you need to give space and see how it goes, the letter mentioning mum wasn't the best idea, but that is past, now to move forward.
Just because your mum is proud doesn't mean this won't resolve in the future.

All you can do is leave the door open for them. If it blows over they will get in touch. You've tried. Just get on with your own life and hopefully it will blow over in the future. Good luck ❤️

This happened to me.

I'm an only child and most of them are dead now. I have a couple of cousins I last saw at a funeral 30yrs ago. It's devastating.

My mother still plays the victim. I maintain (privately) that I'm the real victim, When my elderly parents die I'll have no one. I blame all of the adults in my family who rejected me as a child because my mother was an arsehole.

I feel for you because you are obviously upset by their actions but I wouldn't do anything else now. Unless you are somehow also to blame for whatever your mother has done there is no reason for your aunt and cousins to treat you this way. It's childish. My mother is NC with her siblings but my aunt, her family and I maintain a relationship.

I’m just so sad, I would do anything to be able to talk to them. But it’s looking like I won’t speak to any of them again.

If they don’t come round/ apologise for excluding you too I doubt I’d be able to forgive that. I’d see it as I had misunderstood the previous close relationship as being something more than situational.
That must be so hard to lose a big part of your family like that op. I had a similar (but by no means comparable) experience when I split with exh I’d previously been close to his parents and sister plus my nieces and nephews. I still sent gifts to the kids as I figured it wasn’t their fault. Twenty years later I get on well enough with them all now but it stung at the time.

If they don't like you enough to have anything to do with you why would it be sad?

As others have said.
Its hard to say without knowing the full story.
It may well be that they have cut you all out because they feel that whatever they say to you will get back to your mother and they don't want her to know anything more about them.

My mum offended one of my uncles too and he and my cousins blocked all us of who are her children. The funny thing is my mum is a bad person and when she did something really bad to us kids after my dad passed away ages ago, that same uncle was the one defending her behaviour. I’m still not in good terms with my mum, just civil and now her family her also treating us bad because of her behaviour.
Myself and my brothers blocked them all as well. Something we should have done a long time ago.
We’ve not spoken to any of my uncle’s family members in years and it’s been liberating.
If someone decides to cut me off for something that has nothing to do with me personally then they are not worth being called friends

Cutting off family members for the most trivial reasons is the trend these days.

What did your mum do that resulted in this blocking of you all?

Let it settle.

You ARE grieving, so respect that.

Unfortunately you can't control other people, it's scary but you can come to terms with that fact.

We don't know if it was trivial in this case.

It is petty for the cousins to cut OP off! She is being blamed/punished for something her mother has done! The older generation should sort it out amongst themselves.

I'm sorry you are in this horrible position @Sarah3110.

You have tried to reach out to one family member and it hasn’t worked.
Are you sure that the family member you reached out to would have passed on your message of regret to others? Maybe they kept it quiet.

Is there a cousin or younger generation relative you could perhaps approach to restart your family relationship, - someone you are close to or somebody less likely to hold a grudge on behalf of the older ones.

OP, try not to get involved with the fall out and who said/did what to whom. And don’t apologise on behalf of anybody else either. If you did nothing wrong then you can only say that you regret what happened between others, but there is no reason why that should taint your relationships with them. You can’t be guilty by association.

If they still don’t respond positively to you then you simply have to maintain the distance already made and stay quiet about it as they are all either sheep with no values of their own or cowards with no backbone.
It hurts, but try to stay positive and hopeful. Good luck !

Be a cold day in hell before I begged for crumbs from people who've cut me off when I didn't do anything.