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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go for my run even though everyone needs me?

54 replies

Peacepot · 27/04/2026 14:00

Both my parents are in failing health, which has come on suddenly, and whilst they've been talking about downsizing for a decade or more, they're still living in a very big, very cluttered house.

There's only really me. I'm widowed, one adult DC has loved away, the other (just adult) has his own MH challenges, although is good for practical support when asked, I can't lean on him. DSis lives away too.

In the last 2 weeks, I have taken both of them to A&E and to other scheduled hospital appointments. I was at A&E until midnight last night, when Mum persuaded me to leave, which was a mistake because she was still in the chair, without so much as a drink at 5am.

I've tried to get them to have a social care assessment and/or accept paid help.

I'm still trying to work albeit PT. My boss is off sick (three weeks and counting) meaning I'm trying to keep things ticking over, at the same time as having no one to refer anything to, so I'm doing extra hours. I'll be paid for them, but that's not the point.

My "best" friend has thrown her toys out the pram becuase I wasn't supportive enough over a big thing she did. I did wish her luck and sent a message asking how it went, but I was distracted trying to get 80+ Mum sone actual care in hospital. She's blocked me on everything.

Dad is having an emotional breakdown because we can't find out what's going on for mum. She's been in A&E for 24 hours and hasn't seen a doctor yet - they called and asked her to go in urgently following scan results, so everyone is worried.

My own house hasn't had any housework done for ages, which whikst not the end of the world, contributes to a general feeling of unease.

I've had a massive tax bill (thousands) which I'm sure is wrong. Have tried several times to phone and get to the bottom of it, haven't yet managed to speak to anyone.

My BF has suggested going for a run this afternoon. He's been great, has been bringing me food late at night, giving me lifts so I don't need to try and park at the hospital, but he's definitely a BF rather than a DP/DH iyswim. He's not sharing the emotional burden becuase it would be odd if he did.

I have a million things I should do instead, including going back see Mum and try and find out what's going on. She won't be making a fuss and I can't get an answer by telephone, and going to see what I can do to comfort Dad, trying to sort the tax, doing some food shopping, for me and Dad, doing some work.

Everyone's telling me they don't want to be any trouble (including work) at the same time as telling me problems that aren't going to be fixed unless I do it.

I'm not exactly young myself, and although fit and well, menopause and bereavement mean I don't cope as well as I used to, and am easily overwhelmed.

BF is the only one looking out for me even a little bit, and even without him, running has long been my coping mechanism.

This is one of those put your own oxygen mask on first situations?

OP posts:
Greenrad · 27/04/2026 17:01

Glad you are going for the run.

You will go into the ground if you don't cop yourself on and get tough with EVERYONE.

Leave the toddler friend completely alone. She's a disgrace.

Step back from your parents.
Call adult services and tell them you are taking a step back.
People who need your endless time and help do not get to decide.

Take a break and organise the house with your son.
Living in a mess is surprisingly stress inducing.

Your boss needs to be told this cannot continue endlessly. You are exhausted from carrying everything.

Start practicing No, before ill health stops you in your tracks.

EvieBB · 27/04/2026 22:11

CoffeeAndACroissant · 27/04/2026 14:28

Another chiming in to say go for that run. Even if it's only a quick 5k, it's something for you that will help set you up to manage the rest of your day.

Your best friend is no friend at all. Ditch her and then that's one less person to deal with.

Even if it's only 5k?! Lol

UnhappyHobbit · 27/04/2026 22:15

Goodness me, yes go for a run. And start putting yourself first. Easier said than done but you need to try. You’re over stretching yourself and welcoming more people to take advantage of you. Change your energy and they will respond differently

Jamlighter · 27/04/2026 22:39

Been through similar recently. It's really hard . Run as often as you need to. Get a cleaner even as a one off, order groceries online for delivery to your address and for parents address. talk to your parents about getting help. try and get a routine for visiting your mum so you can work around it. best of luck

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