Update on my previous thread that got deleted.
I’m not in a good place if I’m honest.
I’m 38, DH is 48. He has three children (18 and 15-year-old twins) and they don’t like me. I get it. I’m not their mum, I came into there and I probably represent something they didn’t ask for.
We’ve been together 6 years, married nearly 2. I didn’t break up his previous relationship we met 3 years after his divorce but I can see now that doesn’t really matter to anyone else. I think I was naive about what being a stepmum actually feels like when it isn’t warm or welcoming.
I’ve had two miscarriages before, and they affected me deeply. I don’t think I ever properly dealt with them especially the most recent miscarriage at 12 weeks. I am pregnant again 14 weeks. I have been anxious a lot recently. I didn’t want DH to tell his children yet because I couldn’t face their reaction. Even writing that makes me feel pathetic, but it’s the truth.
I’ve been all over the place mentally. One minute hopeful the next completely overwhelmed. I don’t feel stable I don’t feel like myself, and I don’t feel strong. I think I’ve been pretending I’m coping when actually I’m not.
The comments about DH being selfish hit something in me. I don’t even know if they’re right or not anymore. I just know I feel like everything is too much, and I don’t fit into this life in the way I thought I would.
I’ve come to my parents house because I needed space. And I’ve told my husband I don’t think I can do this anymore. That feels awful to say because I do love him but love doesn’t seem to be enough if we bring an innocent child into this world.
I think they’d be happier without me there, and maybe he would be too, even if he doesn’t see it yet.
I’ve asked that we sell the house and go our separate ways. He’s shocked and upset. I am too. This isn’t what I imagined my life would look like and it’s painful.
I’m taking time off work, civil service is quite lenient in those sense. I need to focus on my mental health because right now I feel low. I don’t feel like a person who could look after a child when I can barely hold myself together.
That’s probably the hardest thing to admit. I wanted to be a mum so much but wanting it doesn’t mean I’m in the right place for it. And right now I’m not.
Thank you to those who replied before, even the comments I did disagree with. I can see why people said what they did. I’m just trying to be honest about where I’m at now. I’m sorry for how I came across with some of my responses.
I have had some lovely messages so thank you I do appreciate it!
This is not a AIBU post it’s just an update as the original post was on here.