AIBU for leaving a cafe after my baby was sick?

[Angrycafe]

I was out with DD (2m) and DH earlier at a cafe. DH had to leave 5 minutes before I did with DD because he was running late to meet his friend to watch football.

As I was getting my belongings together, DD was sick everywhere, including on the floor. I was really flustered and quickly left, making sure the immediate area (the table) was clear but admittedly didn’t clean the floor.

A woman (staff) hurried out of the cafe after me and started ranting about a lack of respect and that I wouldn’t be welcome back. I just burst out into tears.

I wish in hindsight I had cleaned it, by I was flustered and in a mess. Am I terrible for doing this?

The bare minimum is telling a member of staff and offering to clean it. It’s understandable that you might not just get on and clean it up, if you don’t have anything to clean with. But can’t just walk out and leave it without saying anything.

And TBH you are lucky a staff member noticed right away. Some poor unsuspecting customer might have walked in it if it hadn’t been noticed.

I think you should have got a member of staff’s attention and asked for their help. I get that you would have need to ask the staff to hold your baby whilst you cleaned it or apologised and ask if they could do it, but you probably did need to get their attention and explained, and apologised.

I think it was the just running out that would have riled them.

Was it the first time baby has been sick a lot like that? Unfortunately you need to get used to clearing up mess, even out in public.

Or slipped in it.

Many mums are still pretty hormonal, sleep deprived, and overwhelmed by such a huge life change when their baby is 2 months old. I'd judge the staff member for ranting far more than a stressed mum who ran off without cleaning up.

Please try and put it out of your head OP. The cafe will have had a mop to hand and baby sick is unlikely to be the worst thing they've ever encountered.

Good grief, terrible advice

It's very stressful. I still remember my first venture to a cafe with my first baby. He projectile vomited just as I was packing up to leave - I'd never seen anything like it. I was so flustered, covered in sick, trying to work out where to put him (also covered in sick) while I cleaned up so he wouldn't crawl around and get sick on everything else. I sort of wedged him with one leg and was desperately trying to clean with baby wipes.

A staff member appeared and was so kind and told me it happened all the time (definitely not true) and they would have it cleaned in a jiffy. As I got to my car another staff member followed me with a little bag with a brownie and a cold drink and a note that said "you're doing amazing". I've never forgotten their kindness, I go there all the time and recommend them to anyone who will listen. I still have the note.

My point is, OP, these things happen. Your baby is tiny and you were flustered. You may do things differently if it happened again (hopefully it won't) but forget about this event and, importantly, don't let this put you off going to other cafes.

💐 ... you are a new mum, so give yourself some slack und put it down to experience.

I'd judge the staff member for ranting far more than a stressed mum who ran off without cleaning up.

You might not if you saw the frequency that they had to clean up shit left behind by customers.

Everyone has a point where they'll stick up for themselves rather than continue to feel disrespected.

Thank you.

I told DH and said that I don’t think the staff member has been in that position before. He said that judging by the size of her he’s surprised she managed to catch up with me! That gave me some much needed light relief amongst the tears.

Why is it terrible? How would dwelling on it help anyone?

If she’s 2 months old it’s basically milk! Honestly it’s not horrible at all and I’m sure the staff there have cleared up worse. Obviously you should have cleaned it up but if you gave birth a few weeks ago you get a free pass on silly mistakes. If the cafe lady could see how tiny your baba was she should have been far gentler. Honestly put it in the past and move on, lovely. I can honestly say if you go back in a few months time no one will recognise you or remember.

Thank you, everyone is being so kind with their replies x

You wouldn't have been spoken to in that way if you had responded to the situation properly. You just ran away. I get that it's a new baby, I get that you were on your own and it wasn't a great situation, but we all have to deal with bad stuff in the moment. From their perspective, you let your child throw up, did a miserly wipe of the table with your napkin and left the rest of the mess for them to clear up.

I went on a bouncy castle with my goddaughter when she was four - her dad had given her some doughnuts beforehand. Both he and I had to clear 'stuff' up for 15 minutes to sanitise it for other 'bouncers' - it was no-one else's responsibility but our own. Her dad fed her, I let her bounce when she said she was: "Fine." I would never walk away and let other people to deal with bodily fluids left behind by someone else. We laugh about it now - she's 19 - but it was a gross 15 minutes, when she was standing by the side of the castle crying and I wiped her down with wet wipes I was just saying: "Just a minute NAME OF GODCHILD, I just need to put some bleach down, no one blames you, deep breaths!"

You would be mad if you worked in the cafe, or even worse, if you were a customer and went to sit down and that's what you were met with. Do the right thing, go back and say sorry. The waitress being cross at you is not a 'get of jail free' card. Go back and say sorry. They will appreciate it so much. And honestly they are not remotely in the wrong.

He said that judging by the size of her he’s surprised she managed to catch up with me!

So you're living with a nasty little shit?

No wonder you're stressed.

What a horrible thing to say about someone you left to clean up your child sick.

You'd rather a new mum continue to feel bad about something that is done now (and was nowhere near as big a deal as the member of staff made out)?

You sound lovely.

If you had told the staff they would have cleaned it up properly.

I don't think they would have expected you to clean it without a mop and wet floor sign.

It was a joke.

You should have called DH to come back. Meeting a friend to watch the football indeed!

Thats not cool.

I guess the cafe worker had you pegged OP and she was dead right.

I wouldn’t want to have bothered him, he deserved a break and a couple of drinks.

Do you mean sick like bringing up milk / reflux (which presumably won’t be new to you) or sick as in suddenly ill and vomiting?

I could only understand if you were panicking that she was suddenly really ill and you needed to leave.

If it was just regular baby sicking then you should have put her in the pram and cleaned as best you could / asked the staff for paper towels etc. Usually if you ask for help they will often say don’t worry and they will do it.

Anyway, you can’t change it now. I’m sure the woman is feeling bad too if you burst into tears.

The best thing you can do now is put it behind you, don’t dwell on it, and do better in the future. To be honest AIBU probably isn’t the place for you if you’re feeling fragile.. so maybe don’t keep looking.

Of course you were unreasonable. Leaving someone else to clean up your baby's sick is beyond rude.

Which you both found funny.

That's nasty.