To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

So has he been looking for work since being made redundant, or did he think it was a great chance for him to slob about doing nothing, while you looked after him and your first child by working full time?

He was a theatre manager before he was made redundant during a restructuring, it was all quite sudden x

I’ve had 2 children with my other half at no point would he even think this was ok

Twat

So it's not going to be easy to find another theatre manager job. What other things has he tried for?

Where has he got the money to pay for Ibiza?!

OP just to send support. Hopefully he wakes up full of remorse and you can patch up. But being out of contact, not coming home at a given time, staying out all night then being steaming drunk/on drugs so that you as a new mum have to clean up sick (!!!) are all so beyond the pale that he really has a lot of making up to do.

Can it be that he didn’t want a second baby and this is at the root of it?
His mother sounds hideous btw.

What a vile man. Have you confronted him about Ibiza?

Yes, before his father arrived. DH kept denying he was going to Ibiza even when me and his sister showed him the proof x

From his mother probably.

"Well he is young! He deserves to have holidays with his friends!"

I don’t think I want DH back in the house at all from now on to be honest

I wouldn’t want him back. You have enough to deal with.

Completely understandable.

But i would still lose the passport...

I hope you receive loads of support from friends and family.

Talk to your midwife too.

Change the locks and pack up his stuff. Can your sister or Dad come and stay with you?

his mummy can have him back.

Good for you OP. Every bit of information you give about this man he falls even lower in my estimation, and it was extremely low to start with. He’s out on the piss when you’ve just had a baby, brings in no money, moans about helping about the house - what is even the point of him.

Where does he get all his money if he is out of work?

Stop telling OP to do something that could land her in trouble. If they both own the house, she'd be making a serious mistake by changing the locks.

Only if he has the money to take her to civil court, which he doesnt. She is fine about changing the locks.

Can I get the locks changed or not then? My sister is telling me I can’t yet? Xx

I was thinking, how did he afford the Ibiza ticket?

You can get a chain on the door on the inside, and leave it chained.

The first night home?! That's inexcusable! He should be looking after the baby/the older one whilst you rest, and most importantly caring for you!

@Coffeecherrymama if H has been out of work for 16 months and continually moaning about doing everything at home while you’re at work, why did you both think having a second child would improve the situation?

If he is joint owner of the house no you can’t. Some domestic abuse charities might be able to advise what you can do. It is cathartic to talk about doing things like locking him out of the house and cutting up his clothes but in reality this can all backfire on you. Unfortunately being a good for nothing twat is not a criminal offence but damaging or destroying someone’s property or locking them out of their own home is. If only we got to make the laws …

I'm sorry I've just read your updates, that horrendous of him what a horrible little man. He's taking advantage of you massively, as hard as it is get rid - itl be hard at first but easier on your own as you won't have to deal with his behaviour