Daughter didn’t enjoy holiday

[Personil]

DH and I went on holiday with my DD (11). When asked if she enjoyed the holiday she says it was ok but was ruined by being left on her own for 2 hours every day. What she’s referring to is when we went for a siesta. Months later she’s saying she wouldn’t want to go again. WWBU?

odd behaviour on your part, I don’t think you leave a kid alone everyday, perhaps once if you are genuinely tired but it’s bizarre behaviour to me to return to your room for a nap, I’d be out and about doing things not sleeping in the afternoon

No, it’s really not and it’s not neglect at all actually or mean or bad parenting. It’s just that she didn’t enjoy it which is fair enough. I hated family holidays from about her age and vowed never to go again at about age 14. It’s just the way things are.

Still not the best holiday being back in your room by 9 … especially with hot afternoons , the evenings are when people are out and about enjoying themselves.
this is a combination of napping for two hours in the afternoon and then still being back in the same room by 9.

What time do you let your 11 year old stay up to? I have similar aged kids and leaving the pub or a restaurant at nine pm is normal for us. Sometimes later, yes, but not the norm. They need their sleep.

Oh so you went to the same hotel as op? What a coincidence!

Actually some hotels have an early tea for families with children. And children's entertainment is before the main act at 9

I'd be extremely sad if my 11 year old didn't want to come on holiday with me and rather ashamed. . Childhood is fleeting and holidays normally a highlight.

You, your friends, your brother…and your era.

I think op was very unreasonable to leave 11yo alone, bored and miserable for a couple of hours every day. Sounds like these siestas defined the holiday for her.

Whatever the OP or her supporters say, I wouldn't want to go on a holiday with them again.

What do you actually want from this thread?

Both of my children when aged 11 would have been bored by this holiday itinerary.

But equally, you don’t sound like you actually care, or that you want advice one way or another.

In my head it’s twofold. I haven’t had a child free holiday in almost two decades. I would secretly be quite excited if my daughter decided she wanted a week with Granny (and her Granny was happy with that). But if it was because she didn’t enjoy holidaying with us, that would make me sad and I would want to do something we all enjoyed. In an ideal world, a week with Granny and a week as a family. But that wouldn’t happen because my kids wouldn’t stay behind willingly and miss out on holidays!

But also, she is eleven. So she doesn’t actually get a choice in this. If you tell her she’s going on holiday with you, she’s going on holiday with you. She doesn’t actually get to choose to go to Granny’s. That’s still your choice, as her mum.

Your post also reads as quite exclusionary. Thinking of it from your daughter’s POV, you go for a nice comfy nap snuggled up with your husband in the bedroom and shut the doors (quite literally) on her, leaving her alone for 2 hours. You and him as a unit, her shut out. Especially if he’s her stepdad (which is how it reads), I can see that may have also upset her. My kids even in their teens love a cuddle. I wonder if this vibe has also added to how she’s been feeling about the whole situation…

Yes. It sounds like a holiday with a tiny child where you have to stick to a routine like that so you don't have a very grumpy toddler on your hands.

I no longer have an 11 year old but we didn't stick to normal routine on holidays. We had fun and enjoyed our time together and let our hair down. As a result my adult child still comes away with us. We have just got back from a holiday all 7 of us where we all made lots of friends and the best memories. Going to sleep at 2 pm in the afternoon, dinner at 5 and back to your room at 9 is an utter borefest. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to go again.

Edited to add, as mine did actually have a nap at 5 or 6 when we got back to the room, normal bedtime wasn't needed and they had enough sleep. Maybe if they stayed up a bit later she'd happily of had a nap later in the day. The daily routine is like that of a toddler not a preteen.

The afternoons sound so dull for an 11 year old. Why not promise a different experience if she came with you again?!

5 teenagers here. When they were 11 and on holidays, I don’t think we had a formal bedtime. They’d be up to 11 or sometimes midnight if we stayed indoors, if we went outside it could be later than that.

Oooh I can actually contribute to this because I was an only child and my parents did similar! I hated it, found holidays so boring and didn’t want to go. I’m in my twenties so this was before screen time and before I had a phone, TV was all in Spanish so I was left sitting there until my parents woke up. It was probably only two hours but felt like an eternity.

My parents started suggesting I bring a friend with me and it changed the game. If it wasn’t for that I’d have chosen to stay with my Nana (my best friend) too!

How long do siestas usually last?

Yes being bored is good for kids, but a family holiday is not the time or place for lessons in boredom, in my opinion.

DD doesn’t do cuddles (occasionally with grandma when she was younger but not often). Not all kids are the same.

Not surprised she was bored, I would be too! Who needs a siesta every single day on holiday?! BORING

You said the tv was all in Spanish so people have assumed Spain but I’m assuming it must be South America if you say it wasn’t Spain.

Team daughter here; leaving her twiddling her thumbs for 2 hours must have been miserable for her.

I used Spain as an example of a hot country where siestas are common. But the point stands regardless of the country - places where siestas are common generally make up for the downtime during the hottest hours by extending their evening. They don't add another two hours of daytime sleep onto an already very long nighttime sleep. Nowhere takes 13 hours as standard (or imposes that on their children unless there are health issues or they are little).

It’s not ANY level of neglect, and you do children who are actually neglected a massive disservice by even mentioning the word in the context of a child taken on holiday by loving parents and expected to entertain herself for a couple of hours before being taken for dinner. Good god.

Are you happy for her to stay with grandma next time? Sounds like the best solution for all of you.

In the words of my mother when I didn't want to go on holiday with them: "Too bad. You're coming." Do kids really get to choose these things these days? I mean, I never had this problem with my kids, but my parents had the most boring holidays.

Good grief, what a comment!!