Daughter didn’t enjoy holiday

[Personil]

DH and I went on holiday with my DD (11). When asked if she enjoyed the holiday she says it was ok but was ruined by being left on her own for 2 hours every day. What she’s referring to is when we went for a siesta. Months later she’s saying she wouldn’t want to go again. WWBU?

You've made a lot of assumptions there!
She didn't say they had to get back for a nap everyday.
She hasn't said because they have an afternoon nap they don't do anything in the evening. What makes you think that?

This! I don’t think having some time apart each day , in the same apartment is as ‘damaging’ as most of these replies are making out 😂

You did the right thing, Op.

None of you needed to be out in the hottest part of the day.
An after lunch nap is essential after a fun packed morning.

Next sunny holiday with DD11 ask her to pack two novels, a pack of cards and some coloured pencils and drawing paper.
She could have bought postcards to post to her friends.

Boredom is the invention of imagination.
Being bored with oneself promotes creativity.
Challenge her to be more entertaining when alone.

There is nothing wrong with DD having time to herself, practising patience and allowing her tired, hot, travelling companions to rest.

Your DD was thinking back to the least enjoyable part of her holiday. That is fine to share. Three people were on the trip. What were you and your DH's worst and most enjoyable moments? It's fair that everyone suffers a little and gains a lot for the benefit of the group.

every day, that is annoying

My dd napped at 6, maybe 7 on holiday to be able to stay up until the evening. We all did. Not so at 8, let alone 11.

An afternoon nap isn't "essential" for anybody except young children and the elderly/unwell.

Don't get me wrong, I love a nap, but it's definitely not essential for a healthy adult! And these were the child's parents, not her "travelling companions". A "travelling companion" would suggest an equal adult who has had equal say and agency in the trip, destination, agenda, etc. Children usually don't get that. An 11 year old can't go out by herself, go to a shop, the beach, pool, cafe, etc, as an adult travelling companion can if the other adult wants to do something different.

It doesn't sound like OP's DD needs to "practise patience" either - what a terribly sanctimonious phrase! It sounds like she did as she was told and let her parents rest and did her own thing in the living room as presumably she was not tired and didn't want to nap. OP doesn't suggest she disturbed them or kicked off about it.

OP asked her daughter a question and she answered honestly, as kids do. It is not unreasonable for the parents to want to nap in a hot climate, but it is also not unreasonable for the DD to have found having the day centred round her parents' afternoon nap and spending 2hrs a day by herself in presumably a small holiday apartment rather boring. I'd have loved being left alone by the other humans for 2hrs, as would my DS1, but we are introverts who need alone time, and DS1 always said holidays were too much family time and not enough space for him. Extrovert DS2, on the other hand, would have climbed the walls at 11 if left to his own devices for 2hrs a day.

OP has a choice what she does with this information. Either shrug and go "tough titties kid, the adults are paying, we run the show" - which some parents would do - or maybe compromise a little while she is still too young to be allowed much independence on holiday and save the hot sunshine holidays for when she's a bit older and can go out and about while her parents enjoy their naps.

An eleven-year-old should be able to amuse herself with a book or other activity for a couple of hours!

Poor kid is an only child and you left them alone for hours every day - anyone would be bored

She clearly can, and did, but has simply said (when asked) that she didn't enjoy doing so.

That's so boring for an 11 year old, I'm not surprised she didn't enjoy it.

Are you older parents? I don't know many people in their 30s & 40s who'd need to do this.

My DH would prob want to on a couple of days but I would stay with DC, or we'd take turns to nap, we wouldn't leave a child bored for 2 hours in the afternoon every single day.

I think the issue is you assumed she'd sleep too but you needed to recognise that if she wasn't tired, that's a really dull way to spend every afternoon on holiday for a kid that age.

Maybe pick a holiday where its not so hot you need to sleep in the day?

Absolutely. I’d see myself as having failed to teach my child a bit of self-sufficiency if they couldn’t. Children don’t need to be hovered over and entertained every minute of the day.

She might have found it boring - so what? Being bored some of the time isn’t going to kill her and will help her develop some internal resources.

Day trips in the morning and a siesta in the afternoon? Doesn’t sound like a fun holiday for an 12yr old. Did you have any days chilling by the pool?

Yes but this was every day. The naps weren’t even spontaneous, they appear to have been consciously slotted in to the day. I can’t remember ever having to siesta every day of a hot holiday.

You had a 2 hour nap in the middle of every day?
sounds like a holiday with a 1 year old.
surely that meant you couldn’t do any full day trips and wasted the best part of the day. I can understand why she didn’t like it.

Yes but who wants to sit in a hotel room on holiday for 2 hours in the middle of the day when it’s nice and sunny outside. I can happily fill that time scrolling on my phone, reading or doing puzzles but if I was going to do that I would rather be doing it outside in the sun on holiday or doing other stuff like pool, beach, exploring etc

Sounds like a crappy holiday for your daughter.

Such ridiculous replies. A large amount of people live this way day to day. Yes, also 11 year olds nap. Often because they're up later. It's not a 'horrible way to treat a child', she was probably the centre of all other activities. I can only believe that most of these replies must be bots or generated somehow.

An 11 year old can easily entertain themselves for 2h. I say this as an only child, who, yes, napped on holiday as a child. On the rare occasion I didn't, I read.

To be honest, you're focusing on the wrong thing OP. She doesn't get to decide if you go again and it's pretty entitled to think that. You just go ahead with your plans. Does she need some teaching on just how fortunate she is? Did she thank you for the holiday?

I always went on holiday just me and my DD. She’s an only child. Maybe not napping every afternoon, but plenty of times I did. Sometimes she joined me, sometimes she just read or painted or was on her Nintendo or did something, iPads weren’t a thing then.
It’s not against the law for kids to be bored, it’s not neglect.
I wouldn’t worry, @Personil , she’ll survive. But if I were you, I wouldn’t bother with holidays from the age of 13 till they turn 17, they’ll hate the water being too blue, the sun shining too much, you breathing etc, it’s just not worth it. And from 18 onwards, you’ll keep waiting for them to refuse to go on holiday with you, but the little shits will insist they join you, because they’ll realise which side the bread is buttered.
Take it in your stride.

I think an 11 year old should be able to cope with 2 hours a day to entertain themselves tbh.

two things- did you not suggest she have a siesta herself, and at 11 she should easily be able to entertain herself for a couple of hours.

I think it's great she can be honest with you. You asked if she enjoyed it and she has told you what she didn't like and why she wouldn't want to go again. You can now act on that information - if you want to go somewhere abroad maybe choose somewhere less hot so you don't need a siesta, take turns over timing of siesta - you have an hour and then DH has a hour so DD isn't bored alone, take a friend for DD so she has company, ask her what she would have done instead of having a siesta - does she feel she missed out in some way?

It's not normal in the UK to take an afternoon nap unless you are a young child, older person or with a medical condition. It might be hard for her as a hopefully physically well and healthy 11 year old to take a siesta when not used to it.
Down time is fine but maybe having an adult around to join her would be the compromise (play card game, plan the next days activities).

I grew up spending hours and hours alone.
I mean, my grandparents were there, but nobody spoke, we just “were.” I spent hours walking all over the mountainside by myself.
And some kid didnt like her vacay because she had to be alone for a couple of hours every day?
You kids are raising cupcakes and the rest of you are complaining about it.
What is this young lady going to do when she has to go away for university?
Or when her roommate goes out on a date?
Two hours?
I DO think you were pretty rude to ditch your daughter every day, to just up and walk out on her.
I hope you made her feel special, because that’s a good way to really hurt somebody’s feelings.
But two hours is not the end of the world.