Daughter didn’t enjoy holiday

[Personil]

DH and I went on holiday with my DD (11). When asked if she enjoyed the holiday she says it was ok but was ruined by being left on her own for 2 hours every day. What she’s referring to is when we went for a siesta. Months later she’s saying she wouldn’t want to go again. WWBU?

At 11 years old it’s actually appropriate that she learn that holidays are also important for the adults as well as the children as so much home life is child centric.

Equally, she needs to find ways of entertaining herself, not particularly difficult with a book, streaming services, phone etc.

Maybe the DD was annoyed that there were lots of lovely things she could be doing, like swimming, going to the beach, playgrounds etc, but she was stuck in a hotel room whilst her parents slept. I get that. At 11 she’s too young to go and do stuff by herself. Maybe she wanted to make the most of the activities and felt like she couldn’t really do that.

I have unfond memories of my parents going for their "siesta" every day when we went to Spain (I also thought it was very silly that they called it a siesta). We must have only been 7 or 8 and it was so tiresome. Does it add to a bigger picture of you being a bit reluctant to stir yourselves to things? My overriding memory of childhood holidays and day trips is waiting impatiently while my parents had breakfast and read the papers, then spent an hour showering and "getting ready", then just as it looked like it was time to leave they'd need to have a cup of tea and read the papers again. Fair play to them for prioritising what they wanted to do. But I'm very happy that now I'm an adult and when I went on holiday with them and my own DC I was able to say "actually we're going out now, we'll meet you there."

Neither you or your daughter is being unreasonable.

You aren’t being unreasonable to have a daily nap on holiday if that’s what you enjoy.

She isn’t being unreasonable to have found it boring and not want to go again.

You can’t have it both ways though- do what YOU feel like on holiday but expect HER to love it. That’s unreasonable.

Meh I remember my parents doing this when we went on trips. Usually because my sister would need a nap so they would all nap. I would read for a couple of hours and it was fine. I can’t imagine judging a whole trip because of a 2hour siesta even at that age. But I rarely ever got bored when I was a kid especially if I something to read.

Also I don’t see anything wrong with taking a nap on holiday, everyone has different energy levels.

Very odd responses here! She's 11, not 5? Couldn't she have read a book, watched TV, played a video game for a bit? Being with her parents the whole time, I'm surprised the 2 hours of solitude weren't savored!

Depends. Did she have any devices? Did she have access to English language TV? Had she brought books with her?

This does sound incredibly frustrating!

I don’t think she’s saying that specifically being left all on her lonesome for two hours a day was unbearable. She must be used to her own company as an only child. But at home she had friends, past times and some independence. On holiday she doesn’t.

I think she’s saying you structured your holiday on a very adult way. Not being able to stay out all day because you needed to get back for nap time. Presumably parents stayed up later than her. Possibly there was a lot of deeply dull adult conversation in restaurants and improving culture. I think it sounds fabulous. My kid would be bored witless. Especially if it was too hot to move.

Go somewhere less hot, with stuff she can do independently, even if that’s just mooch around with other grumpy preteens. Ideally take one with you. That might mean somewhere less naice. I HATED these kinds of places, but if I could find my only child somewhere she could find other kids and have a bit freedom we both had a much nicer time. Even there was (shudder) entertainment.

But @Personil is the one who started the conversation by asking her daughter if she enjoyed her holiday. Noone is "going on" about anything.
This 11 year old has been so discrete about her daily boredom that OP was surprised to find out about it! I think she sounds like a delightfully patient girl.

So? I don't understand why you would go to sleep. That's seriously weird.

At home, with friends her hobbles and resources and presumably the ability to leave the house alone, yes. On holiday where she was not expecting it, confined to an apartment, and presumably still sent to bed fairly early herself, not so much. The point of boredom is to encourage resourcefulness and independence. But you do need resources and not to be confined. You do need to work with kids help them navigate it, especially if they are used to a lifestyle which is very structured, as many children necessarily do nowadays. It’s unfair just to leave them to it.

Also, primary children don’t spend much time alone. If she’s been in school and childcare up to now with normally present parents evenings and weekends, a fortnight of two hours enforced alone time every day might well have been quite a shock. That doesn’t mean it’s bad, but it may have been very new. Which may also be something she can’t really articulate.

I don’t see the issue. Why couldn’t she have read, done some drawing or played on the iPad for a while. At eleven, you shouldn’t need your parents around to entertain you 24/7. I was an only child and an afternoon nap was very much part of my parents’ holidays in Spain when I was a child. I’d read, or play patience or something - not interested in napping. I don’t think it hurts children to be bored. Parts of my childhood were screamingly dull, being dragged off to visit elderly relatives and expected to sit quietly while the adults talked, doing some knitting or sewing (reading was seen as rude). Life doesn’t, and shouldn’t, always revolve around the children. An eleven year old should have been able to entertain themselves for a bit.

Poor kid, that sounds awful. I’d have had a rubbish holiday if my parents did that every day.

It’s fine ! She doesn’t have to enjoy every minute , she will still need to go on other ones . Part of growing up .
We cannot and should not entertain our kids 24/7 .
Im assuming she is a only child and not used to entertain herself ? Let her get bored , gives her resistance, she could choose to do other stuff . I have a 10 year old it’s part of the process

Hilarious! I mean what 11 year old wants to go to sleep for 2 hours in an afternoon on holiday? They want to be visiting water parks and having fun ffs!

You both need to get medicals I think!

Does she normally nap if she has the opportunity? A lot of people can't just have a siesta.

This is why people are having breakdowns because no one just rests. It is ok to do absolutely nothing and have rest times. Honestly

Im grown up and id be peed off and bored as well. Selfish people

Cant believe how many people are saying 'poor child' when she was taken to bloody Spain! Two hours alone? Oh my gosh....child abuse. Every time I take my kids on holidays age 10 and 17 we all have 1-2 hours in the afternoon where we sleep/read/watch content. That's normal. Every family does it. You don't spend every waking minute doing things. This kid needs to get a grip and realise how lucky she is. Australian children would be up shit creek for this type of entitled brattish behaviour.

I mean I think it's fair enough that you wanted to nap during the hottest part of the day, but also fair enough that your 11 year old was bored being alone for 2hrs every day, presumably without most of the usual things she'd have available to entertain herself at home. I don't think it's bad for kids to be bored sometimes, but for 2hrs a day on holiday at 11 years old, she probably felt like she was missing out on things and that schedule sounds restrictive.

Next time, maybe don't go somewhere that's so hot you can't cope with it and can only be out for part of the day. Or go somewhere with a kids club so you can have some adult time and she has other kids her own age to socialise with if you want to sleep for 2hrs in the afternoon.

Are you kidding? They didn't go to Antartica! You don't think they took books, tablets, games, phones with them?

This thread is bizarre. Why didn't the DD also have a siesta? And why do people think it was a waste of time?

If you get up again at 4 pm, you can go out again to the beach/pool for a couple more hours and also means you're not as tired in the late afternoon/evening and can stay up later, which is more comfortable in the heat and fits in better with local customs when people go out for dinner later and all the restaurants are dead until at least 8 pm. That's what we generally do on holiday. Out mid morning, late lunch, siesta, back out for a swim, come back at 7 ish for a leisurely sit around/shower and then out at around 8/9 for dinner/drinks.

A lot of parents don't seem to bring much apart from a device, often because of trying to keep the weight limits on luggage down when flying. Then they can't make the link between their kids acting up while they're away and having nothing to usefully occupy them like they do at home.

Neither of my DC had smartphones until well in their teens. Even with a tablet available, 2hrs of constant screen time a day for an 11 y o is too much.

THIS that is what my daughter said I coudn't care less Im no holidays mum