What phrase do you hear ALL THE TIME during your working day, that makes you want to scream?!

[Ilovemychocolate]

So I’m a childminder.
Whilst out with the kids (presently four 2 year olds) I hear “you’ve got your hands full” multiple times a day!
Over and over again, and it’s SO hard to react with a smile sometimes! (But I do obviously)
When I worked in shops it was “printed it this morning!” if someone handed me a fresh note.
So what do you hear constantly whilst working, that makes you scream inside?!

In case no-one else has replied with the classic…

“there is no i in team, but there is a u in cunt”

Urgh! So many:
Let’s circle back
Take this offline
If I may interject
Let’s park that
Can we double-click on that? – when they mean look at it in more detail
Let’s sync up
Blue-sky
Low-hanging fruit
Move the needle
Game changer – it rarely is

Office speak, some gave already been mentioned but these do make me want to scream:

Gentle reminders about the coffee cups being put away, kitchen tidiness.....endless emails because people do not care.

Can you sense check this or that.

Everything must be "robust" now, a robust strategy or approach.

The usual reaching out bollocks and the "if that makes sense" sayers.

I also hate can I pick your brains, I'm imagining fingers with long nails picking into a brain yuk!

My absolute top hated language is the relentless misuse of yourselves/ourselves/myself.

This.

I admire your self control. What complete eejits

Bloody brilliant 🙌🤣 please please say it one day

Maths tutor and mine is “when will I use this in real life?” Honestly mate, you probably won’t use this in real life, but you need to pass your Nat-5. Once you’ve done that you will be free, but my job is to get you a pass grade.

The kids I tutor fit into two groups: those who just need a pass, and those who are excelling and need me to make sure they get that 9 grade. I love teaching both and whenever a kid who “hates maths” passes I feel genuinely so happy, but god I hate the “when will I use this” debate.

I hear “I can’t believe I have to do maths on a Saturday!” A lot but to be fair I do have sympathy for them. Yes it does suck mate, get your grades up and your mum will give you your Saturdays back. During the week it’s mostly home Ed kids who (on the whole) tend to be pretty keen to see me actually which is nice. I do have a couple of home Ed kids though who talk my ear off, they both live every rurally and I’m the first non family member they see in the week.

Every time a new piece of software is being delivered ie a new system, the phrase "going live" is used and is then trotted out at least twice a day. Eg "ooo, have we gone live yet?" No, Doris we haven't" You've been told ten times already it's until blah date.

And invariably its a tripwire for the rest of the team to start. Just Arrrgh!

"I want to share this with you".
No you want to tell me something!

"Reach out" and "impact" used as a verb.

I wonder if we work in the same organisation! Between agile (seems to mean having no clue what we are doing) pivoting (excuse for repeated direction changes) and thriving (if we say it enough you all will be!) I spend all day gritting my teeth. I had forgotten about my Brownie Badge, until now agile made me think of dogs running through tunnels and over see saws 😂

In e-mails:
PSB - please stand by (just tell me what is likely on its way)
COP - close of play (as others have said, I’m working and definitely not playing)

Also, similar to “it is what it is” (agree fully with others’ thoughts on this), we have “we are where we are”. Well, yes. Nothing could be less obvious.

‘Whilst I’m here’ ….practice nurse

My office is next to that of our marketing executive bloke.

You can imagine the drivel that comes floating out of that doorway and into mine. He's got corporate wankspeak down to a fine art.

When I was giving vaccines during COVID I had to obtain verbal consent from each patient. At the end of every assessment would ask ‘are you happy to go ahead with the vaccination?’ Inevitably some wag would respond ‘well I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t’. And yes, it was always, always a man. I always got the urge to smack them in their smart mouth.

Otherwise lovely HR person at work who says ‘it’s gonna be fiiiiine’ all the time. Even when it’s clearly not. It’s very dismissive of all the shit that’s going on (two toxic bullying allegations, terrible management and a leadership team that’s at each others throats, the fall out is driving good staff members into burnout and depression). She’s not British and English isn’t her first language, I think she thinks she is being comforting but it’s driving me a bit 😵‍💫.

I hope you are well
Stunning
No more social battery

I'm an amputee. "Oooh have.ypu got a blade"

No. I'm fat, 55, menopausal and do I looking a fucking sprinter!!?

Not a particular phrase and I’m probably being unreasonable but I work in a school, I get sooo fed up of people counting down to the next school holiday, literally from the day we come back from the last one. Especially when it’s people who only work very part time anyway (10-15 hours a week).

I understand looking forward to the holidays, but it’s a frequent topic of conversation and just feels like wishing your life away and is very boring to hear about all the time.

I work in an education related service industry. Even though we don't actually 'produce' anything tangible, some of my 'senior' colleagues insist on referring to our activities as 'products' which makes me wince.

Also, everything is 'delivered' now. "Next week's assessment will be delivered via Microsoft Teams." American pseudo corporate babble.

There is a bloke at my work who always talks about doing a "mapping exercise". Everything is a bloody mapping exercise. As far as can see, he's never actually done it, just talks about mapping, endless bloody mapping. Oh shut up!

A colleague calling me to say have you seen the email from X it came it a minute ago
me: is it a safeguarding concern
Them: No
me: I’ll deal with it when I can
Them: you need to say blah blah blah
Me: I will reply when I read it

FUCK OFF to fuck land

"Can I borrow a pen?"

I work in a hospital pharmacy, and the line that grates on me most is prescribers telling us that “this prescription is really urgent.”
Most of the time it’s really not. Yes, sometimes it is. But upon investigation I’d say 80% of the “urgent” prescriptions are not urgent at all.

Mrs Smith’s regular medications (of which she has a decent supply of at home) aren’t going to be treated as a priority just because her son is picking her up in 4 hours and he doesn’t want to hit rush hour traffic on the way home, when Baby Jones needs anti-epileptics in case they have a seizure during the journey to the specialist children’s hospital.

This thread is so funny 🤣🤣🤣