With dementia on the increase, AIBU to think that many overestimate the amount of inheritance they may receive?

[EndlessSeaViews]

I can't help but wonder if people (who currently don't have an elderly or unwell parent) realise just how expensive care fees are in this country?

I see so many inheritance threads on here and people getting upset because they have discovered a sibling or other relative is set to benefit more from a potential will or that a parent or in-law has suggested they should add this person in or take that person out and see threads stating 'We are set to inherit this or dc will be rich at 25 with this big inheritance from their gp' etc?

I can't help but wonder with an ever growing ageing society and diseases like dementia being the biggest killer in this country that many people will have a shock when their parent or grandparent ends up in a care home and all of 'their' inheritance is swallowed up.

I'll be honest, up until a few years ago, I too had no idea just how expensive care costs are to the individual or to society in general.

My parents are in their 80's and mum is (now) in advanced Alzheimer's disease having suffered for the last 8 years and even though she also has cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis her poor body must have a strong will and desire to keep on living because despite succumbing to various infections and a couple of falls over the last year, one which saw her fracture her neck (a fracture that most elderly osteoporosis sufferers die from), she keeps on going.

Due to her frailty and double incontinence she requires carers 3 times a day which is currently costing mum £4k per month (almost £40k so far). Thankfully my parents can afford this. Post hospital discharge mum had 6 weeks of 'free' LA funded care and it was dreadful, so we are thankful there are funds for private care and I will forever be grateful for that. This current care though is really not enough so between my elderly father, my sister and I we fill in the rest of the time (carers only here for a maximum of 3 hours per day, usually less) and it is beyond stressful. Eventually and probably sooner rather than later we will have to conclude we just can not keep mum at home any longer and she will most probably have to go into a care home and with her growing complex needs it will more than likely cost £1600+ per week, so at least £70k per year. Dad is 85 this year and although he is in physical good health we are concerned that his cognition is declining too so who knows what the future lies ahead for him and how much care he may need?

DH's uncle had a stroke two years ago and has been in a care home, on end of life care, for the last 18 months, this has so far racked up a bill of £150k.

Personally, I have never relied on an potential future inheritance and I am thankful that my parents have enough funds to be able to pay for the best care their money can buy, I know many are not so lucky. But I could never rely on my parents money coming my way and so dh and I have long ago made our own provisions for the future but reading so many of the inheritance threads here with siblings squabbling over wills whilst their (often not yet too elderly) parents are still in fine fettle makes me wonder how many will be in for a big shock should either of their parents or relatives become one of the many who are diagnosed with dementia every year and need lots of care?

Agree. Unfortunately vascular dementia took my mum at the age of almost 95. She literally disappeared in front of my eyes, both physically and mentally. By the time she passed away the person that was my mum had gone and was replaced by a frail, exhausted and anxious near skeleton with no powers of speech or mobility left, and with limbs painfully drawn into contractures brought about by the condition. Confused, dazed and crying for her own mum. I don’t think the awfulness of her last weeks and days will ever leave me.

Thats fine if there’s no cognitive decline, probably nicer to move somewhere where there’s a community. However for people with dementia this really isn’t viable, moving someone from their familiar home to a flat they will not be able to make new memories of and leaving them alone accept for a warden or a couple of visits from carers could be disorienting and dangerous. In dealing with social workers for both my parents I only met one that didn’t vastly overestimate my parents abilities to live independently, I don’t know if this is workload or financially motivated but it’s frustrating for family carers and their loved ones.

Yes, I suppose it does, but there's no way each elderly person has a staff member at their bedside 24/7. After doing to research, generally during the day, one carer will tend to between 5 & 8 people. People who need more care, the ratio will be one carer attending to between 3 & 5 people, and at night, when most people are asleep, one carer will be looking out for 15 people.

5 x 9.50 = £47.50, and from that deduct employers NI, insurance, catering, laundry, building costs, and a myriad of other running costs.

Nursing home routine is relentless- those staff arent just sitting on their arses all day. You get residents up, you have to help them all get washed, dressed, take their meds, you have to start breakfast and help them all eat, then meds rounds then visitors then lunch starts, again, helping them eat, changing incontinence pads, helping them to the toilet, then its tea time, then meds, then helping them get ready for bed, then more incontinence pads and toileting, then meds, then bells ringing because they need something, in between possible doctor visits and concerns about health etc

Its exhausting. Also people with dementia often dont sleep through the night- they get up and wander, or cry, or become distressed etc etc

It petrifies me. Not because I risk losing an inheritance - there isn't one - but that the quality of care my parents (and I) will receive will be horrific.

I don't understand why we can't buy insurance for it. I'd start paying now.

They are caring for people 24/7. So the home uses considerable gas/electricity has to be maintained, meals provided, care and admin staff employed. How do you expect all of that to be provided for £71 per person per day ?

Totally agree. So many people have strong views about what they will and will not do / tolerate, but it really isn’t that straightforward

At the same time, you need to remember that only something like 5% of over 65s end up in a care home.

I agree and it is what it is.
All of the people who do have money will at least get the choice of where they live (ie which care home they/their family choose for them).
What worries me is the sheer number of people who can’t afford care and will be dependent on the state. How on earth will we afford that??
People through medical advances are living longer.
Personally if my mum had dementia I would not let any medical intervention happen at all as living with dementia would be something neither she nor l would want, no matter what was wrong. Painkillers only - and lots of them.

I have already costed renting a one bed flat in mother's village. It's £12k.per annum plus bills. If I have to do that for a year or two sobeit.

I've just got her lower rate attendance allowance. A very complex 32 page form.

Is that true? It seems much higher than that.

Which is why we should have euthanasia.

I think you are right. Unless the inheritance is overly generous I think there is a chance it may be minimal. My dm is very organised with money and she is very aware not to overspend because of future possible care. Which is sad but affording decent care is important to. I know someone who was banking on inheritance to buy a home. Apparently their parents have protected x amount “from the government” does that mean if care costs are needed they don’t have to pay? Maybe there are ways around it but I do not believe it is simple.

This is the way to do it

I have to say I'm shocked to read how much care costs. I come from a culture where we never use care homes so I hadn't really ever thought about it but I am genuinely amazed at some of the figures on here.

You can, as I mentioned upthread you can buy a needs annuity called lifetime care plans either to pay out now or later.

Yes, this is from the Office for National Statistics although a few years out of date

"The majority of older people live independently in their own homes. As of 2021, there were 278,946 individuals aged 65 and over living in care homes in England and Wales, representing 82.1% of all care home residents. This accounts for approximately 4% of the total population aged 65 and over, increasing to 15% among those aged 85 and over. "

I have an aunt and uncle in a care home and the bill is £7,800 EACH every month so that is £182,000 a year. However please look at ‘Continuing NHS fumding’ and TELL the care home to have the relative independently assessed. We’ve just done this and my aunt will now be fully from now on by the NHS due to her nursing needs. Care homes don’t advertise this because instead of £7,800 from my aunt the NHS pays the home a lot less so its in their interests not to help you pursue this. The system when you get old is exploitative and sh@t in the UK. Spend your money now because the State will just take it off you. Never worked, no savings? Not a problem the tax payer will pay it all - grrrrr

The most popular care home in our town is owned by Barchester Homes which, until late last year was owned by three billionaires, so that tells you something.

It's no wonder entrepreneurs like Duncan Bannatyne started off on their quest for fortune by owning care homes. It's very lucrative creaming off other people's misery.

I will be so bereft when my dear mum does eventually die but I truly hope it's something quick and not from the very end stage of her dementia. I dread that, live daily with that dread.

I spoke to my IFA about this, to get the statistics. Going into a care home is the most expensive risk in old age. However, less than 10% of the elderly will need this. In my & my partner’s family no parent/grandparent went into a care home. This contrasts to the stories above.
Of the 10% that do go into care, the average stay before death is 2 years. Therefore, he advises clients who are interested in protecting their estates against this to have £80k per annum in reserve, so around £160k.
As discussed by previous posters, there are exceptions to this, but they are statistical outliers. Of my IFAs 150 clients (all retired) he has 1 in a care home & 1 heading that way.
I do agree that no one should “expect” an inheritance. I am especially concerned about the tax implications for my heirs. On that basis I am setting up a trust for my heirs which will lie outside of my estate & cover the likely tax.

I often want to say to my parent and MIL - who are both skinflints* that they may as well spend their ££ now as it may well end up going on care fees.

( *one won't put the heating on, the other won't pay for trades people/ or many other things that would make life easier) .

Both think they will go quickly of a heart attack or a stroke, but I personally don't know many of my late relatives who haven't spent some time in very poor health.

For pp who mentioned insurance:

My mother took out insurance incase she should need care in the future. It turned out to be quite an expensive insurance and for reasons that I can't quite fathom, she stopped paying into it after a number of years.

However, for the last 13 months of her life she did indeed need to live in a care home and the insurance she'd paid into previously covered a large portion of her total bill and would have continued to pay out until her death had she lived longer. It was very helpful to her.

People keep spouting this statistic out but the overall stats for at home care are skewed because the truth is that we don't know exactly how many unpaid carers there really are in this country or how many people are paying for private carers coming into their homes.

And regardless of the above that figure will change. Dementia is on the fast increase and neither a cure or decent medication is going to be available to us anytime soon. The next generations now go off to uni a lot more and are settling away from home, there will be many future elderly people struggling with these health issues alone and with care work being so poorly paid and very few wanting to go into that industry I personally find it frightening.