To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

This ......yes we are probably tired from too much food as well

He came back looking very tired from the exam at school .....

But I am listening and going to change.....something has to give around here

Make a fab G&T ?

DD has been brewing beer since she could stand, can open and pour a bottle of champagne properly and knows how to make a G+T (at 15).

We might as well go part time at work and then actually embrace being 1950s wives if they wont change - sure 1950s wives didnt even work part time , but they had a larger number of kids - I think I can do 3 days a week of work if H has made up his mind to 'retire' from any house work. Yes, to teaching DS tho will work on that this summer for sure

Id definitely say if he doesn't do lunch, you respond by not making him dinner. That's only fair.

And maybe sit down and divvy up the chores more evenly so there is no ambiguity. Im not even sure why if your DC is GCSE age you are making him lunch. My DC have been capable of this since year 7 and know what is expected of a healthy lunch choice.

Some one asked me if I was winding up everyone with this thread - sadly no. This really was my week / morning.

You're all not winding me up now are you? eight year cooks pasta on hob? 15 year old brews beer and knows how to make G&T?

OK but yes to more sandwiches and easy meals.

No cooking tonight, takeout for DS. and some extra ordered for whoever wants it.

Stop having a go, if she needs a mini lie down early, then probably her sleep is too light/poor quality cause shes stressed, so shes not getting enough rest at all.

OP tell your husbamd youre feeling a bit burnt out, hour sleep is not geeat (even if youre getting enough hours), and the irritability / overwhelm is a classic sign. You need to find more ways to lower stress for example everyone eats the same thing, people muck in more, and so on.

@OneThingAfterTheOther

yep, get your pinnie and rubber gloves on OP and embrace it!

God, no. Don't do this under any circumstances! Hold onto your career and make changes at home.

Thanks @Mintchocs . @OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon , I got up at 6am , DS left at 7ish, then I did lie down for a bit, but ended up looking at work emails anyway. Then properly got up again at 8 I think , more or less

Mine was using sharp knives (under supervision) safely at 4, cooking pancakes on the hob at 4. Made her first loaf of bread entirely unaided at 7. Now at 15 she is essentially capable of living independently.

If you treat kids like kids all their lives, however will they learn to become adults?

You’re just shooting yourself in the face doing that though and bowing to the patriarchy. Total own goal. Reduced to a housekeeper.

My maternal grandmother was no housewife in the 1950s. She was working full time before, during and after having 5 children. You can be damn sure my grandfather wasn’t sitting back demanding eggs and toast.

Sharp knives at 4? using the hob at 4?

Feel like Alice falling into the white rabbit's hole a bit now.....

Operated the oven unaided at 7?

I don't think it's fair to ask DC to sort his own meals during exam period with two parents at home. That can wait until exams are over.

In the meantime you divide the meal slots up evenly btw you and DH. Whoever is in charge can decide which meal they do for everyone in their slot. One hot meal a day, the other meal is sandwiches and cereal for breakfast.

No, we're really not winding you up.

You are in a massive minority, still doing everything for your 16 year old DS.

He doesn't need to 'learn' how to make a sandwich, surely it's obvious!

But yes, definitely teach him a few easy recipes, and your DH can too when it's his turn to cook.

And get him doing some chores- vacuuming and dishes are easy.

Photos would be outing but I’ve a video of her making beer with her dad when she was 16 months old. She takes an active part in every stage (and has done many times since).

A video at 3.5 making her own scrambled eggs on the hob (supervised but she was in control).

She can make pizza from scratch, several pasta dishes, most kinds of eggs, her dad taught her to make bread long before lockdown. She’s grown potatoes in the garden and knows how to do jackets or boiled spuds. She’s a dab hand at cakes of all
kinds and is now getting into chopped salads.

She stayed up until I had submitted my degree dissertation last year (she was nearly 15) so that she could pour a glass of Prosecco for me to celebrate.

And it’s not hard to pour gin into a measure and over ice and lime and pour a small can of tonic over it.

What’s the point of having kids if you can’t teach them to do nice stuff for you?

Sharp knives are safer than blunt. Mine was using hammers and screwdrivers to help as well (and ladders). All supervised, of course.

How were your other children parented?

I only have one

I’ve been saying mine could happily live in the woods for quite some time. 😂

Actually, air cadets have taught her to cook on a camping stove too.

I was living independently when I was 15 - in another country as an exchange student. The host family had fallen through, so the organisation just gave me a flat and someone dropped by once per month to leave me some money for food. I didn't even have a phone. Of course I did my own shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning etc. Sure was just half a year, but still.

I must have misread. I thought he was the last of 4 for some reason.

Should be a doddle then! We have GCSE exams in year 10 here as well and DD is still engaging in household tasks and applying for Saturday jobs.

What was your plan for readying your son for the world exactly?

When mine were 7 they LOVED putting stuff in the oven. They thought it was great fun. Kids are weird

But. It was perfect for teaching them how to be safe. Wearing oven gloves, not touching hot surfaces, etc and food safety - pre heating the oven, making sure food is properly cooked and so on.

If you start basic cooking and cleaning tasks when they are very young they love helping and learning. Then by the time they are teenagers they know exactly how everything works and they haven't grown up thinking it's all mum's job so they crack on and do their share because it's normal . As it should be.

Pasta on the hob at 8.... yeah? Why not, nowadays its more supernoodles in the microwave but still they could do basic meals. Pasta and sauce, scrambled eggs on toast etc.....

G&ts..... well any spirit and mixers, mine loved playing barmaids when younger once they were shown how to measure etc. Now the oldest is a master cocktail maker. the youngest would happily get a beer and get the lid off before she was 6. Its what kids do, its how we prepare them for life.

Is there a cultural element that sees kids/boys mollycoddled, I am asking that as a genuine question btw.

So, I hope your brought your teenage boy to English dictionary and I apologise whole heartedly for the ageist heathen I have raised. 😂

Part boil rice till almost cooked, still a bit firm, leave to cool, do not rinse. Leave in fridge for at least an hour.

Chop chicken into strips and marinate in teriyaki marinade in fridge for at least 6 hours. He suggests the blue dragon one is nicest.

Fry chicken over medium to high heat with as little extra virgin olive oil as you can get away with without it sticking. Once mostly cooked, add finely sliced carrot sticks, roughly chopped spring onions, water chestnuts and bamboo shoots. Last 2 he uses tinned. Continue to fry until they go a bit limp. Remove chicken, leave veg in and push veg to back of pan.

At this point we had an infuriating conversation where I tried to nail down amounts and got met with 'Idk, SOME. More than a bit but not a lot.' So you'll have to guess.

Take cold rice and dump in with veg. Add finely chopped, pre cooked, unsmoked gammon or really firm thick ham. Add 2 tablespoons of dark soy sauce. Stir until its all really hot. Shove to back of pan. Get front of pan super hot (I think he means offset it from the burner so front side is hotter)

Crack eggs into bowl, add salt, pepper and beat. Tilting pan with one hand so it doesn't run back into the other stuff, add egg. Don't stir. When the edge starts to go omelettey, use fish slice to sort of cut that edge off and push to back with other stuff. Don't rush or it will go scrambledy.

Once egg is all cooked and pushed in, toss it all together. Add 2 big spoonfuls of the teriyaki marinade and mix in.

Leave cooking over a low heat. Stir regularly. Stick chicken in an oven dish and drizzle over teriyaki sauce. Not to be confused with marinade. Again, blue dragon. Put in oven at 'quite high' 180 - 200 ish I'm guessing. Leave in until top goes gummy or crispy however you want it. Check rice and add more soy sauce to flavour if it needs it.

Dish up rice, arrange chicken on top 'so it looks proper pro.'

He also suggested if she's like you mum, she should start with a wok not a pan as it's easier to keep the egg separate so if she messes it up and it scrambles, she can scoop it out and try again.

I asked what he meant by like me and he very awkwardly back pedalled and came out with the gem 'well its harder to learn new stuff when you're older.' I told him to bugger off and do his homework, quick, while he still knows everything. Cheeky little sod! 😂