Two colleagues are carrying on and affair and it's really unpleasant for everyone else in the department

[CurdinHenry]

She is needy and irrationally jealous and he (also the head of department) is really making a lot of mad and bad decisions. It has made a nice place pretty unbearably toxic.

I don't care what people do in their private lives (although I'd strongly advise against this particular setup) but they're incapable of keeping it private. Stand up arguments in the office, the lot.

Thinking about raising a grievance against both of them because I miss looking forward to work and I know it's not just me.

Am I being a cow?

Beyond unprofessional, report them.

Do it, raise the grievance.
How embarrassing for both of them.
This happened where I worked years ago, the female manager (married to a man, kids) was having an affair with a female colleague. Good god, that was chaos when that all came out.

Yeah it's reached the point where her volatility and his passivity is scary. I think she could assault anyone she thought was trespassing on her "territory". Which seriously love nobody is going to. And it's actually not even her territory so much as his wife's.

Yep, report it.

I absolutely would.

Anyone making the atmosphere toxic needs pulling up.

Is it more a case of no one wants to say anything as they’re worried it will come back on them?

Could you do it anonymously or as a group?

Your thread has inspired my new username.

I’d love it! And I’d be waiting for the fireworks when the wife finds out.

Yea definitely report. The business will be suffering also.

HR

I do think the woman is a bit dangerous (in the mad/vengeful sense) which is the main thing giving me pause but it's just unacceptable at this point. The other women in the office are all scared to talk to him alone because she will act as though we are trying to "steal" him (oh God it's so so embarrassing). And he acts on her every whim which makes the balance of work really annoying.

personally id get the popcorn and watch the drama unfold

what about talking to him via email ?

Is there a company policy on relationships at work?

Against the grain here but don’t report. Have a quiet word with him first

I was in this situation years ago. I used to leave the office when it kicked off as i couldnt do any work anyway. These situations tend to resolve themselves.

I actually was thinking today I bet she reads his emails! (They are highly confidential)

She is 100% going to murder his bunnies eventually but I can't wait it out if it's going to take years!

thats understandable, then how about the classic espionage dead drop method with notes in a certain place etc

I shouldn’t but 😆😆😆

Head of Department is being a bit daft. Is the bunny boiler colleague a direct report? Big no, no anywhere I’ve worked for a manager to be in a relationship with someone who reports to them.

If it’s causing an awkward/uncomfortable work environment for you, you should speak to HR or someone above the Head of Department.

Start looking for another job .

If they are this messy in the office then HR already knows. If you report and they find out the fall out willl be immense and you will have to find a new job anyway.

Look after number 1.

Depends on how much you need the job.

1. Couldnt survive without it. Find another job and make it a point in your reasons for resigning and bring it up again in your exit interview.

2. Would manage but would need another soonish. Report

3. Dont need it, but do it because I enjoy it, its good for my long term career and the money is handy. Make a very obvious and overt play for him, purely for the shits and giggles. Your colleagues will thank you for the entertainment and her immediate termination for GM!

Definitely report it totally unacceptable and unprofessional. If management look the other way then I would start looking for another job life too short to put up with this nonsense at work. They are behaving like teenagers and it will all end in tears just make sure you don’t get caught in the crossfire.

I think it’s time to go and have a quiet chat with HR. If she is reading his confidential emails, then that’s a thing they can act upon. Are there cameras? Also, their behaviour is creating a hostile work environment and there is the whole balance of power problem too. Not just between the couple, but what that means for everyone else in the office.

Send him a dvd of Fatal Attraction

This is good advice.