To want SD’s room to be multifunctional?

[SamphireSupper]

DP and I have decided to downsize as unfortunately he has medical issues which mean he can’t work full-time anymore. We have DS4 together, and SD13 who visits, at most, every other weekend. I work from home and am the breadwinner (relevant) and I currently work from the dining room.

The new house we have found is much smaller, still has three bedrooms, but no dining room. DS would have the box room. I’ve said I will need to have my desk in SD’s room. DP and SD don’t want this. AIBU?

No op - his estate would go to you, his spouse, unless he’s actually stipulated that even though still married to you - his SD will receive her share of his estate upon his death

Well he hasnt, for whatever reason, and hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I think they're not married, but I may be wrong. She says DP rather than DH.

The discretionary housing payment no longer exists. It’s been replaced by the Crisis and Resilience Fund which offers help to vulnerable people with a range of everyday expenses. It’s very difficult to secure and everything coming into the household would be scrutinised including earnings, UC and CMS. She may qualify if there is a shortfall in the amount of rent UC covers - CRF may pay the balance but it’s not guaranteed.

OP refers to him as DP, not DH, so it’s likely they’re not married. Even if they were, it’s possible he’s stipulated what DS and DSD receive if/when he passes.

Goodness, I’d be very concerned about that then in the OP’s shoes!!!

i am hoping the op does have these pretty basics protections in place

Definitely unreasonable she needs to feel part of the family and welcome. You're deliberately making her unwelcome and feeling less than which is wrong.

Yes, upthread I did suggest that she take financial advice.

Has the op confirmed she knows her husband’s will?

It sounds like it, she has said what would happen in the event of her DP's death, so I would assume so.

Oh goodness, this would be a real concern if I was the op then

Agreed. Hence my recommendation.

How? By giving her a bigger room than her brother? Or by using a desk in the corner when she's not there?

And hopefully combine it with a chat about income protection and insurances

Good advice.

based on 15 years insurance experience so I hope the op takes seriously

The desk goes in the biggest room, if she wants that room then she accepts the desk lives there.

Dont be silly

She’ll feel really unwelcome and like she’s not part of the family if her room is your office too. Do you have the option to work from an office? Can you set up a desk from your own room? There are some great hideaway desk options now. Your husband isn’t working due to ill health so being the breadwinner isn’t that relevant really. You’re supposed to be a team and respect his feelings. She doesn’t need a double bed though.

Honestly it’s a rubbish situation all round and it sounds like everyone needs to compromise (you are losing a dedicated office, DS is getting a box room, DSD has to accept you’ll use her space when she isn’t there). Only other option might be to keep looking at houses and try and find something that has 2 smaller reception rooms plus a kitchen and 3 bedrooms so you retain an office (something a bit like this one though perhaps ideally where both living spaces have own door from hall - https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/173400005 )

Your husband isn’t working due to ill health so being the breadwinner isn’t that relevant really.

What do you mean? She's the only one supporting her family and significantly contributing to SDs mother's finances as well. How is her ability to work not relevant?

And again, OP is not proposing to set up a full office and ask SD to sleep next to her folders and files. All she wants is to buy SD a desk and use it when SD is not there.

Why aren’t people understanding that SD’s room isn’t going to be an office too?
it’s going to be her room, OP will just be sitting at her desk when she’s not there.

i have a spare room come office. There’s a single day bed, a bedside cabinet, my desk and a constant set up of a large monitor, a keyboard, a laptop and a printer.
THAT would feel unwelcoming and is if the bed is a temporary mesure. Because it is.
The OP is talking about the kind of setup thousands if not more teens/preteens have in the bedrooms, mine included.

If DP would like you to work in the kitchen but you don’t want people around, how about he and DS have to stay out of the kitchen for the 2 hours a day you’d all be home until you finish work? So DP has to spend more time in his bedroom rather than you and is making some of the sacrifice to get what he wants?

I think step daughter should be given the box room, given she is there so rarely, and a child of 13 does not need a double bed - a single will suffice and she can decorate the room as she likes.