to feel like some older relatives respect men’s time more than women’s?

[stressy1]

I’m starting to get really irritated by this.

I pop in to see my grandad most days to help out as he is chronically unwell. He does have carers but they can't do everything that is needed understandably. . I don’t mind helping at all, but he’ll ask me to do things that his sons could easily do, but apparently they’re “too busy”. As if I’m not? I’ve got two jobs and DC.

It’s the same with my elderly uncle who’s had a stroke. I help him out regularly, but again he has a son (single, no DC) and the attitude is just that it’s easier for me to do it because he’s “busy”. He is very proud of his son having a BIG job always making excuses for him.

Even DM does it. She’s constantly asking me to do things and if I suggest my brother could help, it’s straight to “he’s busy”. He’s single, no kids, fewer commitments than me but somehow his time is treated as more valuable.
I don’t actually mind helping. That’s not the issue. It’s the assumption that I’m automatically the one who will do it and that my time is more flexible or less important than the men’s.

I am not saying ALL older people are like this. I have some older relatives who never do this.

JFC your mum sounds utterly infuriating. Your brother lives in her house and yet she expects you to come round to do stuff for her rather than ask the big useless lump who is sat there on her sofa watching sports? I'd tell her that I was busy and just refuse to go round. You need to start getting angry. The set-up they have is totally unfair on you.

My brother and I were born 16 months apart in the 1950s and unusually for days we were both expected to do equal jobs about the house. My parents must have been forward thinking, and when they were older we would both help them out . I did my mums personal care while she was dying of cancer but DB would do any tasks that were needed without complaint .

Yes. Unless she doesn’t pretend and opts out.

I don’t think it’s just older people! It’s still a thing that society in general just seems to buy into.

I have noticed it with my parents though, in terms of what can be asked of people. If I offer to do the same things my brother will do (going along to appointments etc) I get told “oh no it would be much more useful if you” insert domestic task that they wouldn’t ask from him. And yes I’m miles away and busier than he is!