To be so angry after watching "Love on the Spectrum"

[Jobs4kids]

As the parent of two high functioning young adults. Admittedly I only watched one episode (no wish to watch anymore) but was dismayed to see that all the autistic people featured were infantised and presumably picked for their entertainment value (awwww bless them). I actually watched it after overhearing a colleague say how funny it was.

I feel it's representative of just one type of autistic person - those that come across as frankly odd (for want of a better word), obviously autistic with terrible social skills, and who in many cases can't live independently/attend mainstream education. It's an extremely wide spectrum and many people with ASD, such as my kids, don't come across like that all! My son, while quite quiet, has an excellent job and interacts in public very normally (can be a bit quirky behind closed doors though!) My daughter is away at uni and comes across as very outgoing and socially able with a large circle of friends, including a few who are also high functioning ASD. Many of her newer friends don't know she's autistic (only brings it up if relevant to the conversation) and she says most she's told seem surprised, although one remarked "ah that's why you're so good at chess!". That's not to say being autistic doesn't cause her a lot of difficulty - she's an expert masker, which is why she wasn't diagnosed until nearly 18, and there are times she needs to go into hibernation as her social battery gets depleted as all the acting "normal" is incredibly exhausting. She also constantly worries about how she comes across, replaying interactions in her head and is prone to depression, anxiety and self harming (has started counselling to help manage all this). She can also meltdown in private. While she's not had a serious relationship as yet, she's had a lot of interest (no surprise, she's extremely attractive) and I worry some may be put off upon finding out she's autistic, especially after watching programmes like this!

I think it's a shame they don't also include people like my kids and some of their friends in the programme to demonstrate the vastness of the spectrum or it because they would make very boring TV as you couldn't laugh at them?!

Sorry for the rant but both my husband and myself were so cross after watching this and pray my kids don't see it!

Those like your children are constantly represented in the media. In fact my child who is like the autistic people being represented is getting less and less representation.

I think it’s wonderful, it’s media so they do need to make it entertaining. However my child who’s has ASD and is cognitively delayed is very relatable to the people on the show.

It does seem like you have a lot of concerns about your children being associated with those further on the spectrum. I’m absolutely sure society knows full well that it’s a spectrum and those being represented aren’t like your mainstream children. After all your children get exposure to others at school. Where as mine goes off to a special school where mainstream children don’t venture.

Maybe you can see why those people might need a bit of time in the limelight

After working with a lovely young guy who said is ASD but thrives and told me: his mother earns short of 90k, his sister and him both diagnosed, both work full time and their mum gets PIP for both full scale and amount directly to her bank account , I am not surprised anymore of anything in this country

I thought the autistic community didn’t like the term “high functioning”?

It was nice to see a show that presents disabled people as entire people. The focus on the strengths and interests of each person whilst any negatives such as meltdowns were mentioned in a matter of fact way and moved on from.

In a world where LA's are squeezing every penny out of adult social care provision it was nice to see positive examples of individuals being supported to realise their dreams.

When I worked as a support worker I used to love supporting people to LD discos and matchmaking. The people there were so fun, kind and positive and celebrated each other. I don't see any of that generosity of spirit in OP's posts.

Currently on a waiting list since last year for my four year old. Probably be another two years before he is even looked at. Yeah I really want the benefits. I would kind of prefer him to be a normal, talking child thank you.

Solidarity. My DS was accepted onto the waiting list (how very gracious of them) in December 2023. He still hasn’t been seen.

Does anyone remember maybe 15 years ago, the "you don't look autistic" that used to (horribly) get thrown at autistic people with low support needs (i.e. "high functioning" or old-style Asperger's diagnosis)?

It was wrong, but, I never thought I'd say this, it's seriously tipping in the other direction. The people for whom the autism diagnosis was originally developed are now the other kind of autism, the not real kind, the "extreme" kind (quote from thread). Let's push them all out of autism and into Learning Disability, even if they don't have an LD. The real autistic people are not freaks like them!

• "People then come away thinking that's how we all are."
• "extremes"
• "frankly odd"
• "don't come across like that all!"
• "interacts in public very normally"
• "I worry some may be put off upon finding out she's autistic, especially after watching programmes like this!"
• "pray my kids don't see it!" [presumably lest they understand they share a diagnosis with the non-normals]!

As a woman with a diagnosis of autism (Asperger's at the time) myself - frankly, who gives a fuck? So-called "higher functioning" individuals are already overrepresented in the media. People with different presentations of the spectrum deserve to be represented on TV.

@StartingFreshFor2026Amen. Those bullet points really sum it up. This thread is so ableist it shouldn’t be standing but MN regularly ignores blatant disability discrimination on the grounds of the “discussion” being “informative and educational”

You dont get PIP for having autism
Its how the autism impacts a person that makes a person eligible or not
If thid young man is able to work its unlikely he would qualify for PIP at the highest rates
He also wouldnt need his mother to be his appointee.

PIP is not an unemployment benefit

There is more than one autisic community there is a growing community for those with severe / profound autism
Many parents / carers have felt like their children are being pushed out of their own diagnosis ,and because many dont have a voice ,they are being ignored .

My 6 year old is non verbal, developmentally delayed and has a communication disorder.

Im very obviously not talking about children like ours.

Im talking about the allegedly so high functioning ones that they have a circle of friends and rarely even need to tell people that they’re autistic but their mother is deeply hurt about their representation on a tv programme!

It’s the ones who claim it’s a spectrum and you shouldn’t call it severe/profound etc that are enraging.

My son will likely never be independent and requires support at all times - he’s so far from the same spectrum it should be called something else entirely!

Sympathies. The system is horrendous.

We were “lucky” enough to get a diagnosis in time for my sons ehcp to be finalised so that he could go to a specialist school.

Believe me I know how hard/stressful it is.

I also wish he didn’t have these challenges - for himself - and frankly for us - as a family this is so incredibly difficult to navigate.

Superpower my arse

Ah fair enough sorry. It doesn't sound like she is autistic to me either.

My daughter is autistic. I am in no way 'offended' by the fact that there are people who find it a lot harder (impossible) to 'mask' their autism.

If nobody ever guesses your daughter is autistic she is certainly in a very diffierent situation to people who 'come across as odd'

one of the questions in the autism asessment (NICE certified) that my daughter went through aged 8 - was 'does your daughter come across as odd or unusual to other children'

it's literally part of the diagnosistic process that autism makes children behave differently in social situation.

I have a child who masks so I don't dispute the phrase - but being able to fit in completely normally is actually a sign your child is not as impacted by their autism. Perhaps be grateful for that.

It's controversial to say but I think if you fit in, have lots of friends and nobody can tell - I am not sure how you are autistic tbh.

I see children in my community get a diagnosis where I think they are just what we used to call a bit quirky. They have no problem being social - autism is primarily a 'social and communication disorder' - if you have no issue being social or communicating, you aren't autistic.

Same with my son hes
16 next month
I havent seen the programme ,but the people on it must be a lot more high funtioning then he is as he wouldnt have the capacity to understand ,dating and relationships.

Sorry OP your attitude is disgusting. Just as long as your kids are different to those portrayed right? Vile.

I haven't seen the show but to me it always seems to be the same when someone with autism is represented, people who present differently get angry and feel underrepresented. I'm not sure what the answer is. Recategorising it would help but could cause all sorts of difficulties too. It must be extremely frustrating to be a carer or parent of someone with high needs and see a movement towards autism being associated with a more high functioning 'quirky' type who is capable of living an independent adult life. At the same time some of the comments here about people like this are nasty and uninformed and make light of the supports they need and the every day challenges they face.

I've never seen the show but I'm quite interested in it now. If anyone in the autistic community is underrepresented in the media it's the level 2 / substantial support needs people, because the media want quirky autistics and tragic autistics but not the ones who fall somewhere in the middle. It sounds like this show, unusually, does represent this group.

For those saying "if you can mask you're not autistic" - firstly masking isn't exclusive to autism, people with MH conditions and LDs can also mask. Secondly, go and read the "Married to a man with autism" threads for the hundreds of women whose autistic partners masked until they couldn't and then come back and say they don't have social and communication problems.

Um, isn't the whole thing about masking that it does lead to catastrophic burnout?

It’s an amazing show. I follow a lot of the previous participants on TikTok and they are all able to give consent. Also some are high functioning, running their own businesses, full time jobs etc, they are not the extreme end of the spectrum at all which can be non verbal and unable to live independently.

You can be socially motivated whilst still finding the nuances of socialising quite confusing and exhausting (but hiding it). For example, my dd likes people. She has two deep friendships, but she actively avoids playing with more than one at a time because the cognitive demands of group dynamics are too much for her to deal with in spontaneous and evolving situations. The strategy she's developed in order to control how she feels is to participate only in 'acting' type games, where each person takes on a persona, and therefore a pre-scripted scenario (e.g. "let's play schools"). She invariably takes the role of teacher, leaving less scope for her having to 'react'. She plays things nice and safe. When someone else wants to join and become the teacher, her rigidity kicks in and disagreements occur.

If you think about communication, it's a much broader skill set than simply talking and listening. It's interpretation of unspoken rules, negotiation, body language, reading between the lines, flexibility, spontaneity, reciprocity of opinions and thoughts and a whole host of other things. I've always viewed dd as chatty and reciprocal in conversation, natural if you like. Scratch the surface and you'll see that she's become very adept at steering the conversation to the things she's interested in, and then talking about them. It looks reciprocal, because her special interests tend to be more socially acceptable to girls of a similar age - gymnastics, or dance moves etc. - rather than lining up model trains.

The effort it takes her to fit in takes a huge toll on her. She paddles furiously beneath the surface.